Hi to all :)

I have the following problem...Last year I graduated a university in Germany and my wish was to do PhD in another country and in a certain field of science. It didn´t work...eventually I got a position in a new group in a small town in Germany and I have been here for the last three months. Now I am considering leaving this job and trying to pursue my dreams. But I am scared. Last year I got some rejections that is why I gave up, actually very quickly, and agreed to start doing something that was last on my list. Now I am scared again that if I quit here I won´t be able to find what I am looking for or that people won´t be very eager to hire a student who already dropped one PhD position. It is just that life here is extremely lonely for me-I don´t have any friends at all and I am very depressed all the time. It is a really small town with not so many opportunities for entertainment. Although people in the lab are very nice to me, they already have their own lives and it is difficult to make close friends. Of course, we do some things together when someone organizes them but it is not very often. I also consider it a difficulty to be a foreign student in an environment that is not international since there are no other people who share your fate. The other thing is the project which I just don´t find interesting..it is not stupid or something but I really feel no interest and enthusiasm. And all these things combined really make me want to die sometimes. I cannot imagine living and working here for the next four years and to some extent I have already taken the decision for myself and started getting more information for projects that I really find exciting. But I have no idea how to bring this up to my boss because he is a nice guy and he has been very helpful up to now in all aspects. I feel really guilty that I will leave him because he has no other students at the moment. I want to be loyal but I also want to live my life and make the decisions which are best for me. The alternative is to stay and go completely out of my mind. I also don´t know when is the best time point to tell him about my decision cause I intend to apply to some places already and I will have to explain if I am lucky and am invited to an interview. Two persons are fighting within me-the one thinks "I am young, it is the time to risk, to try to follow my dreams and do what I want" and the other is the cautious one that feels responsible and loyal and does not want to do anything to hurt other people but is constantly making me forget that I have to care about myself first if I want to have at least the chance to be happy. It is really a difficult situation for me cause I knew all this is going to happen but I nevertheless ignored it and took this job cause I thought I will never get what I want.

This turned into a really long post but I would be really very thankful if people who ever were in this situation could share some experience.

Thank you :)

Hello Yanichka,

I understand your fears but, that is life, everyone is like that.

First, for the "loyalty" to your boss, that is not a problem at all, if he is that nice, he will be happy for you to do well and improve. I wouldn't think of that so much.

For the loneliness, if you are lonely in your place, so what are you going to loose by coming here?

From my experience, there are a lot of German students here, what branch of science you do? we  have a complete lab of Germans in the school.
Second, when you arrive here, there are several ways to make friends:
1- go to live in a student hall, you can make a lot of friends there, everybody is in the same boat.
2-you can go to the trips organised by the university and meet people.
3-you can join sport societies or what ever society you like.
4-At the start a lot of students will be lonely and they just talk at the bus stop (that is how I became friend with someone)
5-your lab and school is also another possibility.
But, you have to make the friendship right at the start of the course, cause that is the time when every one is new to here and want to make friends.
if you search the website of the lab you want to join in, some of them show the nationality of the students currently in the lab, not every university do that but some do.

am saying that life at university is not like a work place, it is vibrant and full of other types of experiences, and that is part of coming abroad, it expands your mind and challenge your limitations, at the end you feel stronger and wiser, but it is very difficult at times and also quite depressing, but you have to know how much you want to do this.

YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO DO THE PhD, AND DO YOU THINK IT WORTH THE SACRIFICES OR NOT, IF YOU THINK IT IS LIFE LONG DREAM, THEN DO IT, AND FIGHT FOR IT, THAT WHAT MAKES IT NICE AT THE End. if YOU THINK YOU ONLY WANT IT FOR A JOB OR JUST TO GET OUT FROM YOUR PLACE, I DON'T THINK THEN IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO DO IT.

Lastly, it took me one year until someone replied to me and accepted to supervise, I have emailed at least 7 potential supervisors, some people get the offer from the first time, it depends on determination and luck.

Good luck

Hi Yanichka! It kind of sounds like you have answered your own question really. You are clearly unhappy with a few aspects of your life- your job, the place you live etc, the people you work with and it sounds like it's really getting you down. Is it actually a PhD you are doing at the moment or is it a research job? I wasn't quite sure from your post. Either way, it's not doing you any favours, and if you can find projects that look really exciting and that you would rather do then I would go for it. Your supervisor probably won't be best pleased, but it's your future that is at stake, and you deserve to be happy. It sounds like you are really depressed at the moment, and no-one can carry on like that for a sustained period of time. You need to get help with that (medical, or counselling etc) and take steps to improve your situation by finding something that you want to do, in a place you like, and with people you get on with. Life is too short to spend it being so unhappy! Best of luck with whatever you decide, KB

Thank you, guys :)

Keenbean, to answer your question-yes, I am doing PhD at the moment, that is why I have fears that I will have less chance finding a new PhD position if people know that I dropped this one..I don´t really know. Actually, I hope it is not going to be a problem for most of them because that is not how I usually do things :). But I studied 5 years away from home, in a foreign country and the least I want is to spend the next 3-4 years doing something that really inspires me and not something I have to do in order to get a title. Anyway, thanks a lot for the nice replies but I guess I really have to take a firm decision for myself...I am a grown-up now and I have to deal with things :).