Hi-

I've found reading many of these forums quite helpful! The students in my program don't talk that much, I guess since it is purely a research degree.

I'm in the first year of a 3 or 4 year research degree (after the MA), getting married next month, and trying to decide if it would be a good time to start a family. I'm 31 now and my boyfriend is very supportive of my degree and around the apartment (cooking, cleaning, etc). We want to have 2 or 3 kids eventually. Part of me thinks even trying to have 2 before the degree is finished might be better than when I am starting a career as a professor somewhere, but another part of me thinks it would be a difficult time. I guess I feel very busy (like all of you!) but a lot of it is time at home reading and writing. I'm in comparative literature, so my only on campus activity is a lecture or two and TA sessions which I'm quite comfortable with since I have teaching background.

Any experience and advice appreciated! Thanks! :-)

Hi Zen,

I don't have any children myself, but there is a thread on PhD parents here that you might want to look at:
http://www.postgraduateforum.com/threadViewer.aspx?TID=21309

I definitely think there are bonuses to having a child during your PhD as opposed to during the years directly after it. As you note, we can work mostly at home and have flexible schedules. I think it probably just depends on your temperament. I would be worried that I would become too stressed with the added pressure on my time and that this could reduce my enjoyment of the experience. But I suppose this would probably be even more difficult if you were working in a university! I think that if I was in a supportive long-term relationship then I would definitely consider the PhD to be a good time to start a family. :-)

Hello!

Welcome to the forum!

I can see how you may wish to start a family now but, having gone through my phd journey not so long ago and knowing now what it is like to be pregnant now, I certainly I wouldn't like to do both at the same time.

I appreciate that we all have different experiences (although most of us share the feelings of inadequacy at some point!), but whilst there were times when things were pretty easy and everything ran smoothly, when challenges arose, things got really tough. I simply wouldn't like to be pregnant, feeling tired all the time and queasy/sick whilst having to face a deadline and having to force myself to do it.

I don't have kids so I didn't have to deal with any child related issues (eg. childcare, illnesses, etc) but I feel that the demands from my phd were too high and, if I had to choose, I would much prefer to give my child my full attention, rather than keep worrying about my work.

That is not to say that people should do it or that it can't be done, just how I feel about the topic.

On a different note, I hope you have a lovely time on your wedding! Make the most of it and try to enjoy the day as it flies by.

I'm facing this question right now as well. I've been married for two years and my wife has been very supportive of my lllooonnnggg academic career! I'm in the first year of my PhD and we're now talking about trying for our first at the end of the year. It sounds terribly calculating, but for me that would mean a newborn most likely during my final year.

That could be bad for two reasons: concentration on my work, especially as it would be the period when most of the writing up is being done at home and prepping for the Viva, but also for my own personal reasons of feeling like I couldn't be there for my wife and child as much as I would like.

But then, is any time a good one to start a family? Perhaps you just have to go for it and hope everything works out in the end! Whatever you decide, good luck. For me, I think it's full-steam ahead!

Thanks for all the response! This is really helpful to hear and so is that link to family life.

A lot of what I end up coming back to is, "there is no good time" or "it's always a good time," depending on how you look at it! I guess it also depends on how sick you end up feeling while pregnant. That could be a very productive research time or a terribly difficult time. Also, I guess flexible time means it's easy for something else to take over your time if you really care about it (like a baby I would hope!).

It also seems funny to "calculate" as you say, but I find myself doing the same thing. I have been trying to figure also in terms of semester dates for teaching and all, and when I can travel since I am an international student. The biggest thing I'm trying to do now is attend some conferences and work extra hard on my publications to give myself a cushion since I wouldn't be able to get as much done with a newborn.

Well, I think we will get married first then talk and think about things this summer. I'll see how far my research gets before then! More opinions would be great to hear as well. I'm know there are others out there in limbo, including a few people I know.

Good luck to all of you!