Had an argument with my boyfriend last night about money. How does everyone else work out how to split living costs etc when you are a PhD student and they are not? My boyfriend works for a bank so is on good but not outrageous money because he's only been there a couple of years. He owns a house and has two lodgers at the moment who cover the mortgage, one of which is moving out to make room for me. So do I pay the rent of the missing lodger? And how do we work out other living costs such as going out etc, I feel like I'm going to be struggling to finance a lifestyle I can't afford because my boyfriend earns more. Having a stressful day - being a grown up is difficult!

Depends on where you live and what you can afford with your stipend. The easiest thing to do is to pay your boyfriend rent as it will save arguments over who pays for what later. It will also be better for harmonious household relations with the other lodger as they will be asking the same question. That said, how does the lodger feel about being the spare part around the house? A lodger living with a couple can be quite unnerving for the poor soul...

Well I'm in London which makes things pretty expensive but my stipend is good. The other lodger is fine - he likes having a girl around as I clean up after him!

I also live with my boyfriend who owns the house and he's not doing a PhD. Our lodgers cover part of the mortgage and we split whatever is left. I think it can be tricky and he's very understanding, and would pay for more if i let him. But i feel bad especially since he pays council tax and i don't have to, and he won't let me contribute when i offered. It's a difficult one, but i think things need to be fair otherwise you end up resenting each other. Good luck

We split everything 50/50 bills related from mortagage, water, gas, elec, and car insurance, etc. However we live more as common law partners rather than boyfriend/girlfriend. I suppose it all depends on how you see your relationship?

The only bill I don't contribute to is council tax. Although I did offer.

Anything like going out, petrol we don't keep account off. However to be fair he normally ends up footing most of the bill.

mine pays them all. hmmm....... seems to be happy doing it.

Me and my partner have a mortgage together and split everything 50/50 except his car, and he spends more on going out e.g. meals drinks together

one option is to split everything 50/50. But taking into account that you are a student, probbaly with income lower than his, why not split all proportionally to your income?

That was kind of my view, to split everything 60/40 or something seeing as my income is half what his is. But then why should he be paying more to live now I've moved in than he was before? We've kind of decided that I give him an amount each month and stuff like going out and holidays will be split seperately according to what we can afford. When I win my nobel prize money everything will be much easier!

We split most things 50/50 - the rent, car tax and insurance, food, bills...

He pays the council tax, petrol (as I don't use the car by myself) and pays for drinks/going out more often.

Maybe you can talk with your boyfriend about what lifestyle you can afford? For example, if you have not moved to live with him, would you have lived in a cheaper accomodation? How often YOU can afford to go out and pay for yourself? What other things that cost you money you would not do if you would have not lived together? That you are living with your boyfriend is does not mean that it is only you who has to streach yourself financially to adjust to his lifestyle, he has to adjust to your situation as well.

Maybe this helps: I have aggreed with my boyfriend (who has more money than I do but isnt terribly well off)that if we want to do something together that I cant afford,I tell him that. Then, either we dont do that or he sometimes offers to share my expenses. And we have agreed if I decide to move in with him, while am studying, I will pay only what I currently pay for my student accomodation- he offered it with a reason, that I should not sacrify myself for his wish to pay off mortgage sooner.

we do the 50/50 for all the bills and rent. But when it comes going out its not so often, we have limited it to 2-3 times per month and if my partner gets a bonus or for days such as B'day or special occasion who ever sugeests pays. You have to keep a tight grip on your money as thats just it, no bonus no additions. At the beginning of the month or when you get the money, work out a plan of what you will have to pay for the month and leave some extra for things unexpected, that way sometimes you end up with money for a extra drink.