Hi everyone--I'm in the first year, and I'm quite surprised at how many hurdles I have already faced. I know that sounds silly, but I just assumed that the first year was fairly smooth, with the real pressure coming in the years to follow when the write up of the thesis and other demands start to bear down. I feel as though I've wasted so much time, and am frustrated with myself for not setting myself strict deadlines. I haven't done nearly as much research as I should have by this point, and have written very little. I would love to hear from others who have found themselves in the same position, and how you are coping now. All of you on the forum have been so supportive, and I'm so thankful you're all here!

I've really been struggling, with no one to talk to about how I'm feeling. Sometimes I write my feelings out, but that isn't always helpful, as there's no one to feedback from. I'm feeling quite lost right now. I can't even describe the rollercoaster of emotion to anyone, though I know you all would understand implicitly without even having to explain.

Is it common to be feeling like this in my first year?

im also just into my 2nd year, I think at times, my sipervisors are holding me back or something, but im trying to write and talk to alot of people at the smae time. you will certainly be fine, to top it ive no funcing, its like hell here, have to wash dishes to survive....keep going

Hi eddi--I know that one of the biggest frustrations of PhD students regarding their first year is often the amount of time wasted. This is so common, and I'm sure you'd hear it from most. You're just trying to get your bearings and understand how you fit into the PhD and how it fits you. I seriously wouldn't beat yourself up about that. Instead, now that you've realised you've wasted time, from now on you can change that.

Hang in there. Keep writing your feelings down in your journal--think this is a great thing to do and would recommend it to anyone.

Hi eddi :)
I can sympathise with everything you've written! I feel like the past 6 months have been totally wasted, in fact if I am brutally honest it's only in the past few weeks have I really got my head down and started working. Even now I still feel like I am not doing enough. My writing is appauling too! I am dreading next year when things will get even more serious.
You're right, there is no-one to talk to about it. None of my friends or family can sympathise, I don't think anyone can unless they are doing it! I have found that SO frustrating, all my feelings bottle up inside instead of being able to discuss it. At least there is this forum - I would have given up long ago if it weren't for being able to discuss stuff here.

Hi Eddi - I'm halfway through my second year. The first year does feel quite odd - don't be too hard on yourself. You are bound to be far more critical of yoursefl than necessary. Part of the time wasted comes from trying to work out exactly what you're doing. Maybe in terms of writing just set yourself an easyish target - maybe a summary of a chapter read, a 500 word piece on an element of your PhD eg a theme you are looking at and how it is covered in the current literature.

One thing I wish I'd done now is just keep track of my ideas on paper more. I have it all in my head - but it would really help if there were some snippets on paper! If you read something and it gets you thinking - take some notes however vague they might seem and file them properly - unlike me. Then by the second year when your thoughts and chapter outline comes together you'll know where to look. But just remember - what you think has been a waste of time really probably isn't - you're just finding your feet.

I know how you're feeling dude. I am also in my first year and find it difficult to get a clear picture of where i am headed at the moment but i have been advised that with time it will all be revealed

I have a journal where i write my thoughts, ideas and occurence of the day. That would help when you need to refer to some ideas in the future.

The best to us all!

hi,

i feel as though i am in exactly the same position, so just know you are not alone.
if you would like to talk anytime, add me to msn, its f0xie@hotmail.co.uk

:)

Hi Eddi, I really sympathise with you. I'm 5 months in and really concerned that I'm just not cut out to do a PhD. I'm enjoying the practical side of the research, but I'm really worried that my critical thinking and writing aren't up to scratch. Even more worrying, my supervisors seem to have this incredible belief in me and I really feel like a fraud. I feel physically ill every time my supervisor asks me about what I've read or suggests that I write something 'cos although I've read loads, I seem to have just 'surface learnt' it and it hasn't really gone in. I feel like I'm just waiting to be found out. Sorry for the long post, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I just can't see my way through this one.

That feeling is normal - just about everyone feels like that (I'm sure there are some that don't) but most I know feel this way at some stage - hang in there and it'll get better

S

That fear of being "found out" or exposed somehow as a fraud or imposter I think is a very common one, not only for people doing a PhD. There is even some indentified syndrome for it, I think--the Imposter Syndrome? It is said to afflict women more than men, and highly achieving people are prone to it. Why? No idea...there is a link to a website with some information on it.

http://www.impostorsyndrome.com/

Thanks for the link Olivia. Still fear I'm a fraud, but at least I know I'm not alone!!!