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The Tale of the Evil Fuzzy

O

Smilodon left us with a cliff hanger...the ***EVIL FUZZY**** had been banned, the catflap locked, while Smilodon and spouse attacked the cat odor problem.....so what happened? Did Smilodon and the vinegar win? Is Evil Fuzzy still outside? Or has he returned indoors no doubt plotting some sort of kitty revenge??!

O



This is my best guess about the next installment on the Evil Fuzzy saga... does anyone else want to join in?!

It was a dark and stormy night. The Evil Fuzzy remained locked outside his domain, the catflap secured against his every attempt at instrustion. 'I have hired very bad staff', Evil Fuzzy grumbled, 'such staff that would let me out and then bar me from returning...wait a minute, I did not hire them. I do not need to stoop to such indignities as PAYING a human! I, the wonderous Fuzzy, am, as all cats are, entitled to love, pampering and worship, and the meeting of my every needs, without having to HIRE it done...'

At that, Evil Fuzzy swatted ineffectively at his cat door and sat down to ponder his next move...

S

Not feeling up to fiction but I'll tell you waht happened.

Well we have the flap on 'out only' much to our tabbies' disgust - and they're just locked in at night. I established that it was indeed Evil Fuzzy who was spraying in the house and not my big tabby. I am now posessed by the smell of cat pee and imagine it everywhere. We're also about to try and sell our house - won't do to have Evil Fuzzy pee wafting around.

I am gearing up to going round to Evil Fuzzy's people and demanding that he be neutered.

H

Whilst Evil Fuzzy was pondering his next move, casually licking his paws in a bid to remove any evidence of his consumption of "Next Door's" roast chicken dinner, the Demon Owner espied him. War was betwixt these two implacable foes: feline fury pitted against man's malice. The cold air was frigid in his nose, freezing his feet, the discomfort making Evil Fuzzy careless, masking Demon Owner's stealthy approach. Evil Fuzzy continued his cleaning, unaware of the crack of light spilling from the opening window above him. Casacading water showered over him; Evil Fuzzy leapt sideways, drenched and freezing: "P**S OFF YOU FURRY F****R!!!!!"

B

I eagerly await the installment when the Evil fuzzy gets the idea to urinate on the demon owners computer and backup files and wipes out their entire thesis to date.

O

The Evil Fuzzy retreated to a warmer, drier and more feline friendly corner of his domain to ponder his next move. In the distance, he could see the windows of Bleak Towers sparkling like catnip diamonds, reflecting the murky waters of the sluggish Thames. All of this--all of this---as far as his gleaming kitty eyes could see--was HIS and his alone. His owners had some grave misunderstanding about what was what in the Domain of the Evil Fuzzy. Why...he had even heard them say that they intended to sell their home! They could not do that--it was HIS and not theirs to dispose of. Why--they could not even move without his permission, and they had not asked for it--far be it that he might grant it.

O

Concerned, Evil Fuzzy had done what he thought best--established clear signals that this was his property and not theirs--and he denied their wish to move to another dwelling in the Domain of the Evil Fuzzy. And it was that which had gotten him locked out--his Royal Entrance CatFlap denied to him.

H

"I will have my revenge!" thought Evil Fuzzy. "These perfidious pests, who dare assume their authority exeeds mine, will be brought down." He settled down on the dustbin lid, front paws tucked under his belly for warmth, his bedraggled fur slowly drying; contemplating his next move. By the crack of dawn he had his plan. Moving stealthily, hugging shadow and mist, he creapt toward his palace, usurped by the Demon Owner. "Aha" he thought, "content with soaking me, the fool has left the window open". With a (distinct) lack of grace and leaving a trail of muddy footprints sliding down the crystal clear window, Evil Fuzzy crept through the open window. He landed softly, mud oozing into the expensive deep-pile carpet. His objective in sight: the Demon Owner's "Cumpoota"; some mystical tool obviously important to the Demon cause.

O

With the object of his revenge clearly in his sights, the Evil Fuzzy paused for a moment to savour his sweet revenge. Then, in a careful and deliberate movement, he let fly with his best evilness, right onto the Demon cumpoota--which exploded in a rush of plastic, wiring and smoke!

H

He had tried to save Owner from it's clutches by walking all over the "kaybord" while they were using it, to no avail. The damn thing didn't even scratch your belly! Because of this THING, Owner had fallen to the Demons and become - Demon Owner. Now he would have his revenge. He slunk onto the table, more mud - never mind - still it had not seen him...
When he was in range he leapt into the air, a magnificent somersault, landing adjacent this evil; raised his tail and pee'd for all he was worth! Sparks erupted from the Demon! He achieved total surprise had scored a fatal blow! A crash sounded from upstairs; feet thundered on the floor - the guards are coming! Noiselessly he made his escape, slipping through the Royal catflap. No-one had seen him, they would never suspect...

S

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'll lock the flap before I head out.

PS - Just to point out unless someone thinks I am a heartess witch - Evil Fuzzy is not actually my cat but an Interloper.

O

His unsuspecting humans no doubt would blame Sweet Big Tabby...and the Evil Fuzzy had done his best to make sure that Sweet Big Tabby would be implicated in the explosion of the computer!

O



Truth IS stranger than fiction--that or we are uncovering the real motives of the EVIL FUZZY!!!!

H

Evil Fuzzy Part II will follow shortly...
How about we incorporate the tales of Baz the Feisty Urban Ferret?

O

I think the ferret makes a lovely addition--but you cannot leave out the adventures of Basel, the Mouth Breather Trout in the Thames ( he got lost or perhaps kidnapped by the Evil Fuzzy....)

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