Hi All,

I am writing this and after 2 days is my 2ed milestone discussion. I am very frustrated and feel l am the stupidest in my research field. I may have made incorrect previous decisions and now I am paying the price.
I chose to work in a field of research that I don't know anything about its basics, but it is interesting and I enjoy the (practical) work a lot. But the PhD study is not only about writing codes, but rather it must be scientific publishing and theoretical development, and this is what I found to be a very big challenge with my limited scientific background in this specific field. I have 3 supervisors, the first is in a completely different field of specialization, but he is a nice person and takes into account circumstances, and I have family circumstances and many challenges, the most important of which is the language barrier. The second is well understood in the field, which is a good thing and important addition to the team. The third is someone from outside the university, very well versed in the field, but his requirements and standards are very, very, very high, at least for me.

He puts a lot of pressure on me so that I hated everything around me, he does not see any achievement that I do as an achievement, in every meeting he sees only problems and makes me feel that I do not understand anything, which made me really do not understand anything. Although I am a person who used to be an accomplished and excellent person and get the highest grades in all my academic levels to the master's stage, I started feeling like I hate myself, I hate my life, I don't enjoy anything anymore, not with my kids, not with my life, nothing.


I am seriously considering deferring my studies to a time that I don't know when. During this time I read more, learn more and become stronger scientifically. But the idea is not easy at the same time, changing life from one country to another is very difficult, in addition to other things. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to appear as a strong person in front of my family. I want not to lose myself and my health and to make decisions that I do not regret.

I feel very pressured and frustrated so I decided to write here and hope to find some advice.

Thanks