hey guys,

not been here for a while. Need your advice- at the end of my 2nd year phd I wanted to drop out because i just could not get my head round anything and just got really depressed. Supervisor, said just take time out, sort out your personal issues etc and then come back. That was way back in August 2006 and now, well, its decision time.

I recently handed in an extended summary (around 10,000 words) of everything I know. I met my supervisor last week and to my disbelief, he says its not bad- there are just large gaps that need to be filled.He thinks i should come back and give a go, if i don't have enough for a phd then i'll have to stick with the mphil. My submission deadline should i return is August 2010, if I return on May 31st of this year. So that is two years I have left to get my head down and study

the problem is i think its too late- have looked at the scattered material that i gathered during my first two years and its useless- the max i can get out of it is 7000 words which i presented in a report years ago when i was in my first year. The 10000 words i handed in rcently looked very broadly at the stuff i do know. So, really, if i went back i would be starting from SCRATCH. And I have only one year of funding left, after which will be the writing up stage.

I mean, he came up with very interesting ideas of what i could study- it all makes sense and if i was a new phd student starting out then i would be very happy. But my situation is one were i have been away for nearly two years due to ill health. The two years when i was doing the phd, before i took this time off, were pointless as the material collected is simply sketchy at best- its worthless. So like i said, if i were to go back i would have to start all over again. And 2010 is not that far away

It is quite a distressing situation- for the past two years i have done nothing but think about this one issue and its torture. If i were to leave then it would be terrifying- have never had a job before and 'phd drop out' on my CV is hardly going to have employers desperate to hire me. Have been in education all my life- thought of leaving it is terrifying but that is not a good reason to stay put. I mean there is going to be so much stress and anxiety involved over the next two years about deadlines and so on

if i decide to stay. I would have to be 110% focused all the time- no room for uncertainty, depression or mistakes. My supervisor says 'take it slowly, study for only a couple of hours a day'- but seriously i am so far behind i think that every waking minute will be spent studying!!. Or at least i think anyway. Many of you may think i already know the answer but just wanted to hear your opinions on this matter. Thanks.

i too have only ever been in academia! have never had a proper job, i did have a RA job for one year, during my phd.

don't worry about the gap in your cv, someone adviced me once on this forum, that you can say you were doing research, act as though you were a research assistant.

it sounds like quite the struggle. if i were you, i wouldn't want to go back to it. i would want to start afresh on something that i really love and enjoy. be it a new course, or finding a job or volunteering..

You could do this if you really wanted to or needed to - but it isn't clear whether you really want or need a PhD. Do you want to do a job that requires one? If not - do you want to finish it or just feel you should?

I took 2 years out for maternity and it is tough coming back. I was also behind schedule at the end of my 2nd year but used some of the last year off to catch up. Realistically, you would probably run to 4 years and would have to manage without funding for the 4th year (I will go into a 4th year - hopfullly not all of it but it could happen). That would make it very doable - if you want to complete.

I also was ejected from an earlier PhD attempt after a year and I don't have that on my CV.

So I think if it's 'only' fear and feelings of inadequacy that are holding you back - that shouldn't stop you (but be prepared to take a 4th year). But if you really don't want or need it - then the stress is probably not worth it.

Hi angie. From your posts, it sounds like you're harbouring alot of uncertainty about this, and I would say if you're spending more time doubting the decision to return than being excited about it, then maybe you should really consider doing something else. I say this only because there's going to be alot of pressure on you to do well, as you've already taken time out. Do you think you can cope with this pressure? Don't worry about the gap on your CV. You can maximise the experience of research that you've already have and how it will benefit you in your work. People who leave PhDs do get jobs. My friend dropped out, and when asked why, told the employer that he couldn't meet the financial demands of doctoral studies. That one seems to work quite well.

As you've never had a job, maybe it will be a fresh start for you and you may actually really enjoy it. It sounds like your situation is quite pressurised, and you might find yourself relieved at lifting the weight of this decision. Just one perspective.

On the other hand, if you do decide to return to the PhD, I guess you need to be 100% certain about your choice.

Firstly, thanks guys for your replies, they really are a big help.

'Do I really want or need a Phd?'- my phd experience completely shattered my confidence, to the point that getting a job would be, in my eyes, be impossible. I have always felt that i can only regain my confidence if i go back. I started the phd way back in 2004 because i had always been a 'good student who researches well', i wanted a career in academia- but i was completely unprepared for the demands of the phd

If you really want a career in academia then maybe you should have another go. It bodes well that your supervior is supportive. Mine kicked me out first time around and quite rightly! But I do think you need to factor in another year (speaking as one who was also behind and took 2 years out).

My first experience really shattered my confidence too. And probably the best thing would be for you to have more time out. But you can't hold a grant that long (I'm in the same boat there). I think if your supervisor thinks you can do it then all it will take is the motivation and discipline on your part (not small things though I grant you).

Perhaps you should also consider why you want a career in academia - is it just that you haven't really considered any other options.

in my mind it is a case of 'i won't get any job unless i am confident and the only way to get that lost confidence back is to return to my studies, even if i don't want to'.

I still love academia, would love to be a part of that community- it is all a question of confidence, when i started four years back i was full of confidence, now my disastrous experience have left me 'burnt' and i am very cautious.

Plus the whole department knows i screwed up, that i had to take time out due to depression, which is painful and embarrassing, especially since once upon a time i was a very 'promising student'. Going back will involve having to meet this people. My supervisor, bless him, wants me to leave with something at least- even if its an mphil (which the funding board are against, they want a phd, nothing less).

Oh, i just don't know- am gonna have to think carefully. But thanks guys, you've given me a lot to think about.