By 'two faced' I mean academics who are nice and fakely polite to you but say god knows what behind your back,

So I had the same teaching assistant position for the past 3 years during my PhD. I'm a part time student so I have 3 more years left. Anyway, now it's the fourth year and I assumed I will get it again as it's with the same lecturer and I never got a negative comment about doing this (at least not that I know of). Lecturer informs me that I won't be needed this year, she has a new person and I should take a break. I mean WTF? Obviously my last teacher's eveluations weren't good as there is no other reason I can think of for being 'replaced'.

What really upsets me is that I would appreciate it much more if I was told that my teaching evaluations weren't good, or some of the negative comments from students so that I can improve in the future when I manage to get another teaching position. I have been obssesed with trying to think of what I did wrong last year that I didn't do for the first two years. I can't think of anyhting :(

It is not just this lecturer either, pretty much everyone in our department is like that. I get tons of empty praise from my main supervisor but when I had my first y ear viva upgrade, I nearly failed. It's scary that supervisor told me I was doing brilliant and it was so far from the truth.

Now on the same note, I have been working hard to improve since the viva and I am again getting very positive comments from the main sup ( I have two other supervisors but they really couldn't care less). However, I do not know if I have *really* imroved or I only *think* that I have improved since I can't really trust her comments. I'm very frustrated.

Also I went to a presentation of another PhD student in our department. Presentation wasn't that great but almost everyone that went told this student "well done", "this was good" etc. What's disturbing is that I later overheard my main sup and another academic making fun of said PhD student how the presentation was horrible, student isn't very intelligent, and they are all hoping he would quit. Meanwhile PhD student is completly unaware of this and is walking around thinking he did great. This disturbs me to no end and hits too close to home.

Finally, I am pretty sure that main sup makes fun of me behind my back (with other academics). This has made me paranoid and unhappy. I mean god knows what they said after my viva and now that I didn't get the teaching position I'm sure I'm labelled as a s@#t student in that department for all eternity. Frankly, all of this has fueled major thoughts of quitting, however I do not know how badly I am doing with my PhD at the moment since I get nothing but positive comments. I mean I feel that with what I have presented above, I have good reasons to be paranoid. And in fact paranoid = realistic in this case.

Sigh. Sorry guys I'm just venting, any thoughts would be apppreciated.

I think this kind of two-faced behaviour is ingrained in academic life.

It may be impossible for you to know why you were released from your post. Bear in mind it may not at all be about you, but about something else. For example, it could have been another supervisor pulling strings to help their favoured student , or a political move at a higher level. This has nothing at all to do with you (although it directly impacts on you).

A lot of this is down to egotism, some of it is power tripping. Some of this is understandable as academia is competitive and you have to watch your own back. Believe me, It gets much much worse as a post doc, and I have had to make some really dubious decisions on the basis of what will keep me alive, rather than what is "morally right". I don't enjoy being put in this position.

Academia is no place for the sensitive, its sort of like a more intelligent Big Brother reality TV show. Much of the sniping and backstabbing is part of the hyper-competitive nature of modern universities and research. Your fellow students are at some level competitors if you think about it. There is only so much grant money/ conference spots/journal space, and everyone wants it. People are going to gun for you, either to your face or more likely behind it.

So what to do. Well, there are semi-objective sources of feedback. Anonymous Journal referees (unless you are very unlucky) are unlikely to be part of your institution, so are more likely to give realistic feedback. Non-academic support staff may be another source of help. Think about your long term goals, and see who can help you with those, and what you need to do to get their help.

I just wanted to make a quick point about my experience of this. I've had a upgrade viva nightmare that's been going on since earlyish last year. My sups told me I'd have no problem getting through but the process, according to the higher ups who've been brought into my case, just isn't established enough where I am to remove the rather subjective nature of it.

I guess my point is, your sup may well have meant her positive comments but the guidelines for upgrade weren't specific enough for them to be able to ensure you were providing the panel with what they need (or want/quite fancy in my case!!) to pass you.

Sorry if I don't make much sense, birthday yesterday, still a little groggy but wanted to suggest that it's perhaps not as bad as you think it is. Then again, all departments have their politics!

A

Oh so true! They want people on books registering for PhD's and to pay the d** fees. That's where it ends, I have not directly experienced the two face cowardliness but have a strong suspicion about my super's intentions and some of their comments, when I know I haven't done well (not to underestimate myself, but I do look at my work objectively and realistically).
The politics of academia is no different to any other occupation, work environment- if you have backing from the highest 'entity' then you have a chance of surviving and if not then its 'all work and no reward (lot of disappointments).

Don't lose heart, find a way through this you are better than them and aim to achieve your PhD with perseverance! I'm afraid life is not fair, although you can get what you want with lot of determination.

======= Date Modified 09 Jan 2009 10:11:19 =======
Can very well understand your frustration! I had a somewhat similar experience in another context when my teaching assistant position was discontinued although the prof had seemed until then very satisfied with how I did the job. As I found out gradually, the reason for his decision was not that I wasn't good enough, but that his intention is to normally make sure that several of his students get the chance of gaining teaching experience, and that I had it for several terms was because he was indeed satisfied with my performance (mixed with being too lazy to ask another student to do it and organize that transition). If you've had it for three years, that equals the length of a full-time PhD. Maybe the reason the lecturer is looking for someone else relates more to the fact that normally people don't hold that post for longer than 3 years (during their full-time PhD)? I can very well imagine that you did a great job, but maybe the idea is simply to give someone else a chance, in which case it's nothing to do with you or your performance?

Do you think you can just try to ask them whether they had something to complain about or whether it's just for these more administrative reasons that you don't get to teach anymore? I can really sympathize with how you feel about the situation, and it's really easy to get paranoid in this context, but maybe there's a much simpler explanation? I'd think it's always best to try to find a way to (diplomatically) ask them directly what's the issue..

All the best! (up)

It's not just the academic world, it's just some people everywhere. It can happen wherever and whatever you do.

Personally, I focus on what I can control, I don't engage with these kind of things as it feeds them, I just make sure I am as good a person as I can be (back to point 1), I don't try and second guess what people are thinking or the reasons for things I don't know - you may well guess wrong. It's not just you that sees these things - if people are mean other people see that, and sure they may get along with them as it is easier, but it doesn't mean everyone thinks the same. If someone is seen as two-faced, do you think other people trust them? - that must make their life not so good. What do you think people think of a supervisor who makes fun of their student? That's not something I would imagine most people see as a good trait. Also, people have a tendency to catastrophise - you see something happen, try and work out why, and before you know it the conclusion is the worst possible thing it could be. I don't know the full situation you are in, so I can't possibly say why things have happened to you, but the conclusion you reach in your second para is not the only one.

You can't control what other people do or everything that happens to your in life, but you can control how you interpret it, feel about it and react to it. You can choose that.

======= Date Modified 09 Jan 2009 11:51:04 =======
Whilst I don't deny that academia can be two faced, my first thoughts on your teaching assistant situation were along the lines of Apple's. Firstly, it was a mistake to assume that the position was yours unless you had some kind of contractual arrangement. Courses and their delivery evolve all the time, so there is no reason for one particular individual to have the monopoly over a particular role. My first thoughts were either that:
(i) it was decided that another person should benefit from having the opportunity to get some teaching experience and/or that you'd got as much out of that role as a person can and it was time to move on
(ii) you're halfway through your PhD and teaching eats into research time, so it'd be better to wind down your teaching involvement.

If you're really anxious about it, do ask and you'll probably find that it was something to do with the above suggestions. There are enough things about the research environment that can bruise one's self esteem, without creating rejection where there is none. Don't beat yourself up about it, and use the opportunity to find new challenges - it would look better for your CV to have helped with a range of courses than keep delivering the same material year after year.

Thanks guys, you have helped me put things into prospective. I have now cooled down and have realized that perhaps things are not as catrastophic as they seemed when I wrote my original post. My supervisor is actually happy that I won't be teaching this year as she feels this takes away too much time and I am better off concetrating on my research. I also won't assume that my supervisor is making fun of me as she does of the other student as I don't really have any evidence of this and I am only making myself miserable. If she does, well then that's her problem and not mine ;-)

(up):-)