Dear Forum Members,

The moment has come where I am three weeks away from my viva. It is strange how fear keeps shifting from one area to the other during the different processes in the degree. Initially, it was fear of not knowing where to begin and to narrow down the focus of my thesis, then came the fear that I might not be doing enough, or that I'm not writing and reading enough, that was overcome but only to be followed by fear of whether it all fits into one neat and coherent structure, then there were the annual reviews. My final fear (or so I thought it would be) was whether I'd finish the write-up on time for the deadline - and after months of sleepless nights, constant work from the crack of dawn, it was handed in and I thought that would be the end of the story. And now this: fear of the viva. Will I be failed, will I be asked to resubmit? If so, I cannot afford paying uni fees for the year/time during which I make corrections (at my uni, resubmission requires re-enrolling and paying fees). So unless I get pass with minor or major corrections, then I'll just have to give up on years of hard work.

I've had my stomach in knots for the past 18 months! I feel like I've been living in fear for so long that I've almost forgotten what it's like to enjoy the simpler joys of life. Is this normal? Does everyone panic before their viva, or could my fear suggest that there is a genuine danger that my work is not up to scratch?

My supervisor said my work is fine and I should pass, though he cannot guarantee what the examiners will finally make of my thesis. But that still won't silence the fear since I read his comments as: if I were your examiner I wouldn't fail you, but your actual examiners may do otherwise! So I might be failed after all.

Please help, I think I'm losing the plot!

Baltar on the edge of a paranoia breakdown.