Ok, so, after mayor PhD depressive symptoms, long-term loneliness, and meditation, I started to understand the mistakes that lead me to a bad PhD thesis.

I finished my undergrad in geophysics and went directely (no experince) to a PhD program. I picked a tough PhD thesis, and I have been 5+ years working on it almost with no results. And by working I mean, almost doing nothing else in my life.

At times I felt that I left life pass by, I haven't develop life skills that people out there in the real world have developed cause I've been in academia for too long, being a geek and nerd without actually need it (in my life pre-college I was very well adapted socially, have my own rock band, and was popular among girls, since college I became very unsocial, hard working, and career orientated). I didn't learn how to balance my life.

Anyway, I managed to discover my mistakes in my life and I'm willing to not making theme ever again.

BUT, I still have no career, no money to start living again, I have debts, living in a foreign country (Canada) with a student visa, back in my country no-one will hire me (have no experience and geophysicist have no future there), I have a year and a half to finish (and I'm willing to do so, otherwise I would fall in a chronic-depression cause I've been chasing being a scientist for almost 10 years)
. So the environment that I have created around me, depends on the PhD (Canada will give me a working visa if I get my PhD, which means I can leave academia and start living life again).

I was raised in the old fashion-way, which means, "if you fight and try hard in the end you will always succeed", that's why I didn't quit my PhD even if I was stuck for more than 2 years (I did well the first 2 years cause I always was good in courses, and I did pass the qualifier with no trouble). Until 6 months ago I had no results, but right now I'm getting some, still I have no idea if I will finish on time, I haven't started writting my thesis, but I am writting a very long paper, which is an application of what I am doing.

But being a foreigner I can not extend my stay, I cost too much to my supervisor, and to get grants are very difficult given my low status as a researcher (I have never published anything). I still feel that I can finish, and inner inside me I want to finish. But certainly I am not as enthusiastic about academia as I was when I arrived, I don't like what I'm doing, not because is boring, but because I was studying something that didn't gave me any result in several years, until now, when I already hate it. Man I really feel that I had the skills back in the day, it just that I picked the wrong project, I even help my collegaues that have easier projects, it seems so easy.

CONTINUE

CONTINUE

But I am a realistic and pragmatic guy now, I know I don't work well under tremendous stress (so forget about postdocs and professorships) , at least in the industry, if you don't like what you are doing, you get money and time to do other things, and if you don't like your job, you can save some money and look for another one.

I think I learn a lot about myself, boundaries, and talents.

But my question is, should I quit?, should I start right now searching for jobs, even if I have no experience in anything else?. I can apply for permanent residency (my family is poor but they are willing to lend me money for the last time if I need to) that I will be able to get in less than a year and get a job here in Canada (I'm pretty optimistic I can get one, I have computing skills, can deliver good and entertaining talks, I can write papers, and still can talk to people about things other than just research...:)))

I mean, I know that my dreams are broken, but I accept it, and have no trouble starting all over again, but what I can not stand is having the brain, and the basic skills, and being poor, and not being able to develop more life skills, even now at 28 (I feel still like a first year college student).

I know many grad student go for similar problems, but I am lonely, I have almost no money and no support from a family, I started too late to get results in my field so I won't be able to publish my paper before post doc applications (which I also think I don't like, they pay badly and the stress is even higher than PhD). I should have been more practical years ago, I should have seen it coming, but I didn't, anyway I am not as depressed as I used to be, but since in my social environment there are very few people that went to the same as me, I want to have as many suggestion in order to take the right decision, as I can not afford to do more big mistakes as what I've done. I'm too old in order to keep chasing something I have very little chances to get, but that's ok, life is not easy, and some people manage to be happy without getting what they dreamed.

Thanks

Dude,
It honestly sounds like you need to take a break and some time to think. Your last few sentences said quite a lot and I would think that you really need to take a few months to maybe a year off if you really want to ask yourself if this is for you. You want to get back the old you, which is more important. If not worried about deadlines, I would consider looking into the notion of taking 6-12 months away and coming back. Take this time to get things the way you want them, then consider returning.
Sorry for brevity of response but knackered after 4 hours teaching on the trot.
Good luck with your decision and keep us updated,
Bonzo

Hey Badchoices. First of all, your situation and feelings are understandable. But I still think there must be a way to convert this negative process into a positive outcome. Unless your supervisor is extremely ignorant, your project cannot be 'wrong'. You have spent far too long on this subject to give up now (unless it is truly impossible). You are the expert of your PhD... you can find a way to stop doing any further research and work on your results... even if they are not satisfying you 100%. Everything you do so far can count towards methods; every result can be valid in terms of achieving an outcome of an experiment. After all, you need to see this as a piece of research rather than a perfect solution to something bigger. Now, as the previous poster said, take a break. Not too long, but at least a week. Do not do anything about your PhD within that time. Try to do inexpensive things that would calm your mind, then re-visit the problem at the end of this week. Also, take problems one at a time. By worrying about what might happen in the future, you are loading your mind with extra stress. Please don't think I'm undermining your problems, but I am sure you will bring a resolution to the whole thing, if you tackle individual problems and tick them off one by one from the bigger picture. I know it's easier said than done, but it's easier done than be worried sometimes... Good luck with all, and don't forget to visit the forum.... You will find that there are lots of people who can relate to the obstacles you are facing. (up)

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I agree with the other replies... you need to take some time out (but not too long). If you think you can finish your PhD, I'd recommend you crack on with it...otherwise, you are likely to languish in this situation for years.



A lot of the problems you describe are experienced by a good 50% of PhD students...particularly being broke, being lonely, no career, thinking that you've let everything pass you by etc. Signing up for a PhD is basically a process of deferred gratification...we reap the benefits 4,5,6 years down the road. So I don't think you should see issues such as personally problematic to you...but rather an intrinsic element of the PhD process.



I don't know where you are in Canada, but I have friends in Toronto who overcame loneliness by joining local community groups (...Canada is a lot more community spirited compared to the UK).



With respect to extending your stay in Canada, if you can get an official interruption to your studies, you might be able to apply for a under 30s temporary work visa (rather than a student visa), which would allow you to do some work or catch up on research.

Sorry but I'm so broke that I can only afford to go back to my country with no return ticket. I think I can still finish. Since I mentioned I have no experience and I am not under work visa so it would be difficult to work. And besides, my supervisor is getting bored with my thesis so if i leave I'm pretty sure he will close the research on this. Not just cause it's boring but it is also pretty damn (technically) difficult, even for him. Beside some competitors just shown results of the same problem with a different setup, so my supervisor is getting quite depressed with continuing with it. I can keep working on my own, but it is imperative to have at least my supervisor next to me, if I want to defend successfully my thesis.

Do I really need to love what I'm doing in order to graduate?, I finally got the results and the feeling I may be able to build a thesis out of it, so inside myself I feel I can finish, but it will take even more efforts to do it, and I'm kind of sure to leave academia anyways. So I don't know if its gonna be good to spend another year trying to finish (it may not eventually, I see a 50-50 chance), or maybe I should focus my energy to get a job and try to gather some money to apply to a working visa.

I know that for some people that may have the support of a family may afford to take a break, but as I mentioned, my family and I are quite poor, and I have little savings to take a break. Besides I risk the confidence of my supervisor if I leave. I'm his first graduate student, he was quite understanding in the past, but I can also understand that this project as drained his and my energies quite a lot, specially after seeing other people solving the same problem.

Did I mentioned I was more depressed before than now?, but sometimes it is good to get some feedback to take the right decision, now that i still have some money incoming for another year.

Thanks.

Hi Badchoices, i'm sorry to hear about your current situation. i can definately relate to working on a project that hasnt generated any results, i also worked for about 5 years on a project that didnt give any results, it wasnt until my 6th year when i started working on my own project, that i finally got results. i'm coming to my 8th year now! didnt really have anything else to do, so just kinda stuck with the phd. it is hard, everyone will admit that.

but you quitting your phd, isnt about you being a failure, its about cutting your losses and doing what will make you happy. if you think you can stick with it for just one more year, then give it your best shot and wrap this baby up. if you really dont want to continue and get a job and start earning money, then quitting a phd wont be the end of the world. a friend of mine told me once she got her phd, she was happy for a few days and then you just go back to normal and forget it and now shes super stressed with post doc stuff. its the everyday that matters. getting your phd or not, isnt everything.
if your completely miserable every single day, its just not worth it. nothing is worth doing, if it makes you really unhappy and depressed.

if you cant continue your phd, because you've run out of money and cant survive, thats another issue, but if you really dont want to continue your phd because your not sure whether you will pass or just dont want to do it anymore. thats something for serious consideration.

ultimately, the world is your oyster and you can do whatever you want! do what will make you happy everyday. i wish you well

hello there! Sorry to hear about your situation. My suggestion is to check out Phd comics online www.phdcomics.com/ ! yes I know, it sounds lame. But they helped me more than anyone or anything. You worked really hard and now you finally got some results. OK, so they are here now and not 3 years ago, but THEY ARE HERE!! Yipeeee! Dive into it and work your ass off the next 6 months. If things continue looking bad, quit. If they are on the way up, you made it. No matter what happens, you have education and there's other places apart from your homeland and Canada. Good luck!:-)