OK, here is my situation.


if you really really like a project and you really dying to investigate it and you know you can be successful, and you really work well with the supervisor as well, you like the city and settled in a nice house, the only problem is there is someone in the lab who is very annoying and makes the lab environment a living hell.

he is almost like a teenage bully, he always makes jokes of others indirectly, and very unorganised which always causes problem and even if he doesn't talk to you his sharp toungue will harm you and distract you in a way or another. I had a argument with him so we are not talking now and since there is only two other people in the lab who are his friends so now am on my own there and I don't socialise or interact with them, to be honest I don't care so much about that cause I don't fit in their cycle any way but, am thinking my working place will always be stressful because of him (I must say am extra sensitive person and get hurt very easily), if it was possible to work in a different lab without him being in the same place I would be the happiest person on earth but, I don't know how to ask for that, or whether this will reflect badly on me?


Please help me, I can't sleep at nights and am totally going to loose my mind, because I love the project i just don't want to do any thing else.

May sound harsh, but while these situations can be extremely stressful, by allowing this one factor to negate all the good things you've listed your response to this 'teenage bully' is similar to a teenage victim :-)

Think of this - we cannot control what people will be like, wherver it is we go. If we give up and disappear the moment someone else in our environment goes bonkers, we leave ourselves in a rather vulnerable posish! Academia, I am told is one of the bitchiest, stinkiest, crabbiest places ever - imaghine putting dozens of capable, ambitious, jobless people in close proximity day in day out with unreachable tragets strewn around in the distant future in meagre proportions!

Stick to it, ignore the idiot and focus on the nice things you have :)

hi there

I've been in a similar position myself, although while everyone cles in the lab was civil enough to the bullying idiot everyone knew what he was like. Except unfortunately for my 2nd supervisor who also happened to be his boss and loved him... Eventually after he had left me crying for about the millionth time i went to my primary sup who was really quite mad about it and sorted it out, in a very diplomatic way of course! I too would be quite sensitive if someone is being mean for no reason, I can take criticism from sups etc no problem, but this guy just really threw me, so i can totally empathise with your current situation. The most importnat thing is to never let him know he's getting to you. Be civil to him and professional, that way nothing negative can be said about how you've acted. As for the others in the lab even though they are his friends too, unless they are acting the same way as him act like there is nothing going on and chat to them as you don't want to be made out as being the problem.
If nothing changes and he is interfering with your work then I would go to a supervisor or someone in a position of power whom you can trust. But personally I would only do this if he is affecting my work directly, which is what my idiot did. In the workplace, whether academia or otherwise you will always meet people like this and it's best to grow a thick skin and just let their insults and snide comments roll off you. Just remember you're better than sinking to his level and keep as professional as possible, All the very best of luck (up)

ah, as with most teenage bullies he probably fancies you :-x :-x

I think there are people like this in most departmnets - I have the 'Witches from Macbeth' who sit round their cauldren and bitch about junior members of staff 24/7 and make life miserable.

Are you allowed to listen to music in the lab so you can blot him out?

oh that is so true sneak, it is certainly like that, and it is so annoying that they make you feel so inadequate and gossip all the time about others. yeh I can listen to music, but i have been there long enough and he really gets on my nerve, I try to hide it but, am bad in hiding my feelings and I do get upset, although i recover after a while and try to move on, but why I should be in constant pressure? he is really really a bully, it is so strange I can not even believe it that there are people like that, I know there are people everywhere who are annoying ..etc but, it is hard.
what I don't understand is why he is making fun of everybody around him all the time, and try to make you feel you are not welcome, another person in our lab left the place because of him! he always have to have some one to pick on, and the problem is he do it indirectly and in a very clever way.
I have developed my coping strategies now, but I just want to be relaxed when i work, my work is already so stressful.
But I do like my supervisor and my project, i never been in a such situation and I have always knew what is the best for me and pushed so hard to get what i want, but now just because of the lab environment I can not decide.

By the way thanks for the replies all, it is so nice to have support  it helps a lot (snowman)

I think if his behaviour is that bad you should definitely speak to your supervisor. Realistically he is doing it because he is probably doing it to counteract his own low confidence, or worries about his project. I have found with people like this - the best way to approach it, is to recommend some 'development', suggest to your supervisor that you are concerned with his interpersonal style and methods of communication and teamwork and think he really needs some feedback on it and maybe some feedback about 'appropriate behaviour at work'. THat will probably get the 'sexual harrassment' alarm bells ringing in your sups head - and will hopefully get some action! - maybe an email, with his sup CCd?

It could be he thinks this is absolutely normal - in which case he needs a kick up the bum.

I had a similar situation at one point, and I must say I did not deal with it terribly well. I was mega stressed at the time and told him to "f*** off", which I regretted saying to his face (deep down), but actually it worked wonders. He left me alone, which is what I wanted.
I can only echo what others have said: lDont let someone like this get you down, you are better than that. I think it is key to try and stay professional as much as possible (which I wasnt all the time, see example above :p), dont try and talk with him socially, just do your work, avoiding his input/help as much as possible. However when things get clearly bad, being direct and telling him that his comments are offensive help you maintain your integrity. Yes, maybe talking your supervisor could help when things are getting hairy.
When I had my bad spell with this terrible lab mate, I realised that my response to him told me a lot about myself, and I tried to learn as much as possible from the incident. I hope you can work it out and concentrate on your work, rather than wasting your energy on a bully like him. (robin)

Hi Someone, I think you've probably done the right thing by arguing with him/standing up to him, and it's great that he's not speaking to you, he is out of your hair. The last post made me laugh because I thought to myself 'that's what I'd do' - tell him to fuck off that is! In my dreams anyhow... But I think bullies respond well to people standing up to them and being direct, let him know you won't be walked over and that you are strong. Luckily I have never experienced this kind of thing in academia, but I did at one of my old jobs: there was a department bully who routinely and systematically had a go at all the new staff, as if she wanted to test how far she could take things, and I confronted her when there was only the two of us around. I made it clear that I wouldn't put up with what she was doing in a very firm and forceful, probably a bit scary, way (you have to make sure there are no witnesses because these people have a habit of turning the tables and making accusations). I also never let it show that she was getting to me (which she did). She was fine, if distant, with me afterwards, but I never got any trouble from her again.

However! It doesn't sound as if your colleague is as bad as the one I encountered in my old job. I'd say mentioning it to your supervisor would depend on how far you think his behaviour will effect your work.

Who cares if you like each other? You're not paid to be loved up, just to work.

hello all,

Sneaks you are very wise person, I'm gald I met you.
yeh i did those things and i went through a lot of things because of it, also i have become an outcast, although I don't mind it and it works much better for me, I do prefer to be isolated when i work but, at the same time it always feel like am some kind of outsider (although it might because am not from UK any way). But I know you are right, and these things should not be an obstacle, I try every day to overcome it hopefully it will get easier.

Hi. Please excuse my ignorance. I see that no one is suggesting in this thread to talk to your supervisor about this. There must be a reason for that, but it just escapes me.
I work in a big corporation and I'm supposed to fend for myself, of course, but if I had a bully disturbing my performance at work, and talking to the bully didn't make things any better, I could talk to my boss and explain the situation. Maybe they wouldn't do anything about it, but most likely they would.
Why can't you ask your supervisor to find you a desk in a different room?

======= Date Modified 18 Dec 2009 15:00:26 =======
thanks alterego,

yes i did speak to my supervisor and I was working in a different place, but now things changed because the place i was working in changed its location and is no longer there, so i have to go back to the original place, which i hate. i will see what happens.

by the way, i have voted for you as a helpful user ;-)

======= Date Modified 18 Dec 2009 20:19:36 =======
Stick in there Someone3 ... you took this Phd for yourself, not for the nitwits sake and even if he does make statements behind your back, so what? Any fool who takes him seriously is just doing so cos they don't want to end up on his hate list. The only people that matters is your supervisor, your family and your friends.
Next time he actually does start taking bits outta you, do a Steve Martin a la Roxanne and actually agree with his insult but come up with something better. I know that we all go thro' the confrontations in our mind and we win whereas in reality we trip and stumble. It is difficult, but please don't let this prick get in and ruin your good work. Dunno if you have kids, but look on this Phd as being your kid - would you let someone threaten it - no way! So what if you have to blow off steam in the process - a supporter of not bottling it up. He will be the one with (mince) on his face and looking a right (turkey)

Get your sleep back in order and if needed, actually ask your supervisor are you actually doing the requisite level and quality of work (it will at least confirm that the main aim of numbnuts is not working)

Here - get this book, read it and use :-)
http://www.amazon.com/Viva-Repartee-Comebacks-Historys-Wordsmiths/dp/B0013L2EL8

Last thing - look forward to the break and enjoy it ... and ya ever want a few retorts, you have a gang of volunteers here to help ya.

Ok the real last thing - this dumass is at best only gonna be in your life for a while ... ya won't be marrying him or working with him directly. Remember that! And if that fails start going out with one of the rugby/karate/glass eating team
:p

Oh thank you so much bonzo, am so touched by your genuine advices it really lifted my spirit. I will try to buy the book soon, i love these types of books.

wish you the best and thankkk you soooooooooooooooooooooo much (up)

All part of the service!
Have a phrase, song or something to remind you of the fact that he is an insignificant person who is probably scared of being shown up. May I suggest Metallica's "Don't thread on me!" or Lamb of God's "Omerta" 8-) If ever feeling a bit down or intimidated, remember the phrase, song, vision and it'll kick the proper sense into gear and have a laugh at his stupidity.

Enjoy the break and surround yourself with people that care and remember - it is these people that matter! Good luck with your work (up)