Hello,

I started my phd in October and so far I'm mostly feeling depressed by it. I have good days and bad days, and I do try to think of each bad day as just that and move on from it, but when I have more bad days than good ones it can be tricky.

I'm the only person in my research group and as a result the only person I normally see during the day is my supervisor which gets quite lonely. I talk more to the lecturers than I do to other phd students. Everyone else seems to have settled in really well and I always see them talking and laughing and just sharing ideas with the other people in their group.

I know it's probably silly to be this bothered by just social stuff but to be honest I'm not even completely sure that I'm doing the right project. I was interested in almost everything at undergrad so I find that my mind keeps wandering onto thoughts of other things I could be studying.

I've been looking online and the general theme seems to be that people get really depressed about their phds in the second year. Almost everyone seems to be miserable at some point from what I can see, and if this is the case then when is it good? When is doing a phd actually worth it? If I feel like this now then can I expect things to get better and to enjoy what I'm doing? I am trying. I think today is a bad day.

Hey Jessebel,

I think the general consensus is that you have a lot of down days when you're doing a PhD, regardless of what year you're in. I'm only in the first year myself and can completely relate to the loneliness you're feeling, and I'm part of a huge research group, although it's mainly post-docs rather than other PhD students, and I find it rather intimidating to talk to them properly!
I also often wonder whether I'm doing the right project, and whether I'm really enjoying it that much to be able to stick it out for another two and a bit years but I really do want to stick at it, it's just going to take alot of determination on my part.
The only advice I can offer is to maybe try talking to the other PhD students around you, and join in the discussions etc as this will probably make you feel a whole lot better about everything. But just remember that you're not alone, everyone feels like this!
Good luck!

Hi Jessebel

I'm in my third year now (gulp) and what you're saying sounds a lot like my very own experiences in first year!  At christmas it was all ok still, I was having good and bad days, but I was close to quitting a number of times in first year. While I'm part of a large research group, my main supervisor isn't an expert in my field although he is amazing at other stuff I need so it's all ok, but I did feel quite isolated research wise, as everyone else was able to talk and discuss their projects and noone had a clue about mine!  Obviously I don't know exactly how you are feeling about things and can't tell you what to do, but I will tell you that for me at least, it did get much better.
Speak to your supervisor and the other lecturers in your department as if you were peers, fair enough they are much more knowledgeable than you but they are smart enough to understand that you are just starting out in the big bad world of academia and you have a lot to learn from them.  For mingling with other students, is there a postgrad society at your uni? Go along to events, even if it's with people who are in totally different subjects, they all know what it's like to have general phd issues, it works well on this forum too!
As for picking the right project, I'm also like you in that I am interested in all sorts of things, that have a general theme if I look hard enough!  I panicked in first year that my project wasn't right for me and it led to a lot of tensions with my sups, which is resolved now thankfully, but it has worked out in my favour. I'm able to think about the project in a different way than someone who has always worked in the project which has led to some pretty neat ideas.  Make the most of your interests, don't feel that because you hve picked a certain topic that that's all you can be passionate about, remember you never know where your phd might take you, and it's best to keep and open mind and an open heart for everything that you do. And everything else will fall into place eventually :-)

Hi Jessebel!

I'm probably just paraphrasing what the other guys have said already but yeah, I'm in exactly the same position!

I also started in October and have the same kind of issue. I'm technically part of a 'team' but it's basically just 2 other people who are employed by a research company run by my supervisor who are doing completely different things to me. I got offered a place in their office but it all just felt a bit weird (and cold, and dark!) so I'm now in amoungst a load of occupational psychologists which is highly random and to top it off, the two people I share an office with are never here so I effectively have it to myself. I never see the other 'team' members (I'm not sure I even know their names!) and I'm lucky if I talk to anyone at all during the day.

It is something that bothers me some days but I try to look at it positively (fewer distractions, I can play my music in my office, etc) and I remember that I have friends outside of the uni and great housemates so it doesn't matter so much. Also, when I think of where I was in terms of my undergrad 2 months in I realise that we are still so new to this and there is so much time for things to feel more settled and for us to meet people. I've volunteered to be a PhD rep for the department (which so far seems to carry mostly cake-based responsibilities) and started a postgrad soc and it has meant I feel a bit more included in the student community, although it is of couse early days! I'm not sure if these options are open to you but I'd say go for it if you can.

As for the issues with the project, I'm constantly feeling that there are things I should have included in my proposal and that I'm going to leave uni without a load of skills I want/need. I'm going to see how it goes and suggest I include some things in my next study and if that doesn't work out I'm going to try to volunteer as a research assistant somewhere and hope that will fill the gap. Ultimately though, a PhD doesn't restrict you to a topic/methodology for the rest of your life and presumably you have research career ahead of you that will give you the opportunity to look into everything you couldn't now. At least that's what I'm trying to convince myself!

As with most of my posts this was predominantly a 'me too' response rather than an offer of any practical advice but I hope it helped in some way despite that..!

Thank you so much for replying. It has actually helped a bit, I'm feeling a lot better than I was this morning.

Algaequeen - it's really good to hear that someone can be in this position now and can go on to really enjoy it. The impression I'd been getting from what I've read is that generally I should be really happy and enthusiastic now and it would then go downhill and I'd find it harder and harder to motivate myself.
I'm trying to go along to any postgrad things in my department but I generally seem to find myself in the corner while everyone else chats to other people they work with. I guess I've just got to keep at it.

The individual things I get absorbed with aren't generally that related to be honest (other than all being chemistry). One month I'll be fascinated by surface science, the next it'll be all about the atmosphere, and then I'll get really interested in things like drug interaction and enzymes. Thinking about it I can probably find an excuse to get quite a few different areas into my background research at any rate. Not entirely sure what my supervisor will make of it, but if it's vaguely related and it keeps me motivated in the research I guess it's worth doing. I've already decided I'm not allowed to think about quitting until I've got through 6 months. However bad I feel some days, I still want to give this a proper go before I give up on it.

Starshine and Emcollins - thanks for the me toos and good luck to you people too! :) Joining in the discussions is a bit trickier when they're all in their lab and I'm in a different one with no actual reason for wandering into theirs when I don't really know any of them, but I'll just have to make more of an effort to say hello on the rare occasions I see them in the corridor. Also, is it just me who thinks saying 'everyone feels like this' is actually quite depressing? If everyone feels like this then presumably feeling like this is the normal state for a phd, and personally I'd rather not feel like this for 3 years.

It's definately really good to know that I'm not alone in being unsure about my project at this stage. Everyone else I know doing a phd seems so settled and happy on what they're doing and what they decided to specialise in. I've told my supervisor that I am interested in trying as many different methods and learning as many techniques as I can, so hopefully when I've got the hang of the basic stuff I'm doing now there will be more opportunities to expand on that.

no problemmo!! it is a bit sad to think that the next 3 years will be all doom and gloom, but it really wont be! everyone has me too times, but they pass! There seem to be certain rites of passage that you have to go through to do a phd but from what ive seen of people, it does you good in the end and u end up a much better person for it. Whether or not you finish the phd, you'll find out what you're made of, what you are actually, really truly interested in, and what your priorities are in life. There are so many times I've said this is ridiculous, why would anyone want to do this to themselves, but once you get into it you start to get used to the idea and actually enjoy the madness of all the change. You'll very much like a duck out of water for the first while but thats important, you have to toughen up quite a bit to survuve this process and doing a little hard bit a time is better than a whole load of awfulness at once...which will happen at some stage, so time to get practicing! Personally, i have a little post it note stuck on my comouter with the word 'perseverance'...i wrote it ages ago when i was having a hard time, and i realised for the first time, no matter how hard this would be, it's all i wanted to do so best get stuck in! it makes me smile now, to know i've come through all the madness and I'm still standing!

So good luck, you'll get there! (up)

Hi Jessebel

Yes, doing a PhD is hard and really lonely. As others have suggested, try and talk to people at uni, also make sure that you have a network of friends outside your PhD that you can go and socialise with. Go to conferences, seminars etc. Use this forum. And in a way, people get used to the isolation, or at least resigned to how this is going to be for a while. I use the chat room at www.phinished.com to stave off loneliness, as I work at home every day. The good bits, what keeps me going, is the knowledge that I am getting somewhere, that one day I'll be finished! And the rare moment when I have an epiphany makes it all worthwhile. It's not easy, and in a lot of ways it only gets harder, but I think that somehow, people become used to this and really draw on inner resources to get through. Keep going!