I'm starting my phd in october but right now I feel conviced I made the wrong decision. I had two offers and felt pressured into accepting the one I did because of funding, and right now even though I know I'm pretty much stuck with it I can't stop trying to think of ways I could possibly get out of it.

I do want to do a phd, but I'm really really regretting not taking the risk on the other option or looking a bit further. It feels like by the time I figured out how phd applications worked it was too late. I just don't know how I'm going to get motivated when even thinking about my subject, let alone picking up a book, makes me feel depressed.

Although I do think that you should make sure that you're really passionate about your field before you start a PhD in it, the reaction you're having right now just sounds like cold feet. Don't let a fear of the unexplored prevent you from enjoying the journey. Take some time and think about what you loved enough to make you join the program. Has that changed, or was there nothing there to begin with? If that's the case then you should reconsider what you're getting yourself into. If not, then just go out, play some sports, explore the world for a month and stop fretting about something you don't know yet is either good or bad.

This phd is at the uni where I did undergrad, so I pretty much got into it because the supervisor thought I'd be a good candidate. To be honest I think that's part of the problem... I'm just feeling trapped in it and I want to get away and be somewhere else for a while. My undergrad degree was four years, and the idea of another three hear just feels stifling.
I think the main reason I accepted this project was because it felt like the sensible thing to do. The one I really wanted was still iffy about funding by the time I had to give an answer for this one, so I felt like I had to take what was solid and now I'm just wishing I'd waited. Officially I start in October, but actually unofficially I'm semi-starting in about a week as the supervisor needs some help with setting stuff up and doesn't have any other students at the university yet so yeh, I can't really run off for a month either.

hi jo, i know its a really tough decision to make, but u have to think carefully before you get too far in. if this project is the right one for you, if u can see yourself wanting to work on it for the next 3+ years and u have a good relationship with your supervisor then i think ul be ok with staying in the same uni. however if u feel now that its more of a priority to try somewhere new and that u will still regret not taking a chance on another project then i think you owe it to yourself to keep looking for the right one for u. its all a matter of priorities, and while it might be difficult for you to even figure out what is most important to u, u can only ever do the best u can with how ur feeling at the time. think carefully about whatever decision u make and u wont regret it. good luck :)

Hard as it may seem, you've made your decision now between these universities so will probably be better off focussing on what you are going to do rather than how things might have been different. There will be positive sides to the course you've chosen, not least the support of your department and the security of the funding, so focus on that. Also, give yourself a bit of time to relax and enjoy the last of the summer rather than worrying about the start of the term and your project. You're bound to feel better if you start things refreshed. If it really turns out that this isn't for you then you can work out what you want to do about it then, but I don't think that you can make that call until you've started. When I started my PhD parts of it turned out to be just as I'd expected but lots of things were different from the picture in my head. I suggest you take a break for the rest of the holiday, start the term and then see how it goes. Good luck.

Well I've only got about a week before I'm back, and to be honest most of the summer I have been trying to forget about it and bury myself in completely unrelated things. I've hardly looked at the books I was advised to study.
I agreed to the project after spending a sleepless night worrying about what to do, and I started regretting it pretty much immediately and I haven't got over that yet. If I hadn't got an email an hour later saying he'd told the other students the position was filled I might have backed out then.
I just feel so depressed about the whole thing, and I know my boyfriend is sick of it. He pretty much said he'd break up with me if I keep being depressing about things, which just means I have another person to hide how I feel from. I can't tell my parents because they thought instantly I'd made the wrong decision and seemed so disappointed so I've been trying to pretend I don't agree and I'm just tired of it all.

Hello, I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

You could ask to defer your PhD start date and take a year out to think things through/get a job/ look elsewhere. It wouldn't be a completely strange request if you've just finished your undergrad studies, though you have left it a bit late. If they're happy with that, that's great as it would be there for you next year, if you want it. But they might not be very happy if your PhD is part of a project and if they say no, you'd have to make a decision to either start and see how it goes, or drop out now.

As some of the other posters have said, maybe it would be ok to give it a go as the start date is so close? At least you'll have tried it and will be making an informed decision if you decide it's definitely not for you. PhDs aren't for everyone, but dropping out sooner rather than later would be best if that's your choice so you don't waste their funding. It's not uncommon for students to realise it's wrong for them at that time and place, and leave in the first year of their programme. I've seen a few do that... One went somewhere else to do the same subject and another couldn't balance it with work, so rejected the PhD idea completely.

It does worry me a bit that you're not very keen right at the start, as it's quite hard work doing a PhD and you need a lot of motivation to see it through. A few other posters on this forum have started PhDs a second time after dropping out of their first attempt, and it seems to have worked out well for them so it's quite possible, but it needs to be right for you.

You really don't sound in a good place right now. Normally I'd agree with the other responders, to start and give it a go, as you never know, you may actually quite like it. But you seem dead against it, completely. We all have doubts before starting a PhD, and these go on once you've got started, and probably never go away to some extent. But from your posts you seem so unhappy about it, and you've not mentioned anything positive about your new position. I think I'd be inclined to tell your supervisor that you're having doubts. They may let you postpone it, say untill january. But it seems to me like it doesn't need postponing; you just don't want to do it. A PhD is hard enough even for the most passionate people. There will still be plenty of opportunities to pursue another PhD if that is what you want to do. You're happiness is the most important thing.
In regards to your boyfriend; he could try being a bit more understanding, how mean to tell you he'll beak up with you if you keep being depressed. The one thing you need right now is support.
Good luck x

Starshine's right, your happiness is the most important thing. Realistically, what would happen if you went with your gut feeling and withdrew? Maybe a few people would be temporarily disappointed, but it's your life!

Just a thought....is it really the phd that is troubling you? I had similar feelings a couple of months ago. I spent some more time with family and friends and expressed my worries with them, and they really helped motivate me and made me realise why I wanted to do postgrad research in the first place. I realised that I just needed a bit of space from my boyfriend and some space from the problems WE were having.
I could be completely wrong here but maybe you just need a bit of space and 'you' time. Sorry to sound so cheesy but it's worth a thought...
But then again, I can completely understand how pressured you might have felt to accept the one with funding. However, it's always tempting to picture the grass being greener on the other side.

Nah it's pretty much the phd, Cobweb. Tbh I don't really blame him too much - he's got enough other things to be stressed about right now. I know I'm going to have to pull myself together and get on with it. It wouldn't be fair on my supervisor otherwise. I'm going to be his first student at this university, so basically I can't really go changing my mind and abandon him. As I said, I'd have been tempted to do so months ago if he hadn't informed the other applicants so quickly. It just feels like such a waste of my only opportunity to do a phd to do one which feels like my heart isn't entirely in it. I always thought I'd be excited at the start of a phd, not looking forward to it being over.

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I don't mean to be blunt as you've already said you're fed up with it all, but looking at this from your supervisor's point of view, what on earth would he think if he read this thread?? He would be taking on his first student who really doesn't sound like they want to do that PhD at all! Far better, IMO, for him to have an enthusiastic, motivated student who actually wants to be there, it is a far better basis for supervising someone to completion. PhDs take years and are hard work, it's nothing like undergrad study. I don't think it's fair on your supervisor to embark on the whole thing while not really wanting to do it. If you *really* have a problem with *that* PhD, as you've indicated, and don't want to do it, then drop out now and let someone else have that place. However, if you really can 'pull yourself together', as you suggest, then that's great and I wish you all the best with it.(up)

I agree with this I'm afraid. PhDs are incredibly hard to go through, and things are likely to get much worse if there are already problems at the start.

Then again I also agree with the other comment. That if you can pull things together then I wish you luck with it.

You can't just 'get on' with a PhD, as you put it, it's just impossible. It's going to be the major part of your life for the next 3-4 years, and it takes so much effort and hard work and perseverance. I really would think carefully before you just jump in and do it. You're the most important thing that you should be thinking about, not your supervisor. They can get another student easily. Ultimately, without thinking about what your family wants, what your supervisor wants and what your boyfriend wants, what do you want? To start it and see what it's like? Or to be brave, admit it's not for you (if it isn't) and decide what's next. Make a decision for you, no-one else.

I think it's already been said, but I'd just like to say it too. Don't do it if your heart's not in it. A PhD is hard enough at the best of times with a project you love, so if you're already having doubts it's not going to get any easier. Fair enough, you might start and find out it's fun and interesting, but I think you deserve to give yourself the chance to do something you'd really like to learn more about. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's you who'll have to do all the hard work, so make the decision for yourself. Even if it means waiting a year to get the project you want it's definitely better than spending 3-4 years doing something that you don't enjoy.