Hi, forum,I am only a couple of months old in the UK, I havent made friends at all, i have never been popular not even back home but then neither am I a loner. I am used to having friends, laughing and arguing alot. I work in a fairly cosmopolitan group in one of the "big" Universities. I spend most of my time in the lab, the library or office with my colleagues (post docs). I havent had the chance to meet fellow PhD students. I have met a couple of undergrads from my country in a neighbouring University but I find them childish and too intent on partying and drinking. Most of them come from rich families anyway and are not under the kind of pressure I am.
At work I feel like I am not really fitting in like I should, I get the feeling that people are reserved and conversation is kept to a minimum. We occasionally go for drinks but I cant follow most of what they talk about. It has started to get me worried if this is how its gonna be for the next three years. I just started and was very excited to get here and now the doubt begin. I am thinking of taking a social skills course or something. Am I the problem? Did anyone else feel this way when they got here? Thanks

you're not alone, and you're certainly not the problem. i still face so many problems socially, five years after first starting my phd- just so shy and intimidated by the academic community. I think feelings of inadequacy and the whole 'i'm not supposed to be here', can take your focus off your work. My advice is to stay focused on that, treat it like a normal job, and try and find hobbies, friends etc outside academia. It will help keep things in perspective. At uni there should be all sorts of groups you can join. I think more than a social skills course, you just need to be surrounded by people you feel relaxed with, that's when your personality can 'shine through'. Try your uni's counselling service, i used mine, and i've found that so many phd students, whatever stage of their phd, feel like you do.

You are certainly not alone, I think it is a bit like that for all PhD students, however I did suggest that my uni put on more events where students could meet up, which has helped. You may find that many students are in exactly the same position as you are, and things may well improve in a few months when everyone is more settled, also the weather is -hopefully- going to improve and there may well be more events that you can join in. look in the library, or wherever people put up notices and see if there is anything you like the look of, then go along and see what happens.

hi there I am a foreigner too. I made friends with other phd students from my school as well as other schools through postgrad student forums or research seminars organized by the Grad school in the university. You could make some friends like this as well, and your student union might sometimes hold events that could suit you and other similar people (of the same level). Make sure you check the appropriate website or put yourself in their mailing list :-)

I also made friends with university staff, for example the IT people or the girls from the library. Like you, I cant follow most of what they talk about; and some times the English that they speak have different slangs, I usually ask, "What was that again".

We have had some funny times. My first christmas in the UK, they served me a strange looking piece of cake which they ate with beef. I poked at it, and asked,"what is THIS?" Someone said "YORKSHIRE PUDDING" and everybody laughed!

I hardly go for drinks with my friends because I'd much rather stay home or sit with my mac. My friends know I'm not a pub person and they are ok with it.

Taking a social skills course is a great idea! Alternatively you could join a society or club in the university. It'll just cost you a small fee and you can meet other people who like the same things as you! Don't worry :-)

Thanks alot guys, it means alot to know I am not alone going through this. I feel better now I am definitely going to try out everything you guys suggested and see how the next couple of months go. Thanks again