======= Date Modified 26 Jun 2012 22:57:03 =======
======= Date Modified 26 Jun 2012 22:13:04 =======
I am 9 months in to a PhD course. It's a science PhD in an exciting, up and coming field and I am very lucky to be on it. However, I am having second thoughts about whether it is right for me. The thought of being stuck with it for the next three years is pretty terrifying. The thought of seriously quitting has only just come to me, although I have been doubting whether I'm in the right place for a while.

I just don't feel like I'm in the right place and that my skills are being put to their best use. I don't want to spend all this time on something this hard and it to turn out it was a waste of time. Right now, I definitely don't want to be a lab rat forever, and although I want to stay in science, I am not sure the PhD will be necessary for the career I want.

I can barely make it through the day even 9-5, I just get so tediously bored. Mostly I'm just not at all motivated. I started out like this, and 9 months on, nothing has picked up. I keep making plans to make things better, but I never work hard enough.
I feel like I am nowhere near as clever as I used to be. I feel really dense! Every day I'll make some sort of stupid mistake and set myself back. I am sure these feelings are common amongst PhD students, but I can only see it getting worse.

I have health issues that makes things difficult. Starting my PhD, my boss seemed very pessimistic about my health (just pushing to make sure I was making the right decision about starting the PhD), but I originally thought that I'm motivated enough to make it work. Now it just seems another reason to leave. I don't know how my health is going to be in another full-time job, but I know I'll be better if I am in an environment that's kinder to my mental health!

I don't give up on things, so I wouldn't take quitting lightly. The thought of what on earth will I do with my life if I quit is scary. I'm lucky I have such a good PhD, and feel I would be throwing a lot away if I quit.

I suppose I'm looking for guidance on:
1. How long should I leave it before I make my decision?
2. How on earth do I tell my boss?
3. How do I know I'm quitting for the right reasons?

Thank you in advance for any advice you can give me!

Ok, first of all I will disregard your health problems in what I say. Not because I am belittling them but because I have no idea what they are or how they may affect you.

Did you come straight from undergraduate/masters studies? I am guessing you did. If not then DISREGARD THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH. It sounds like you are bored and not motivated and you are therefore not putting any effort in. Again this is speculation, but when you did your first degree did you find it relatively easy? Didn't really have to try too hard? If so then I would say that this is just you having a lack of study skills. If you have never really had to study hard before then you never learn HOW to study hard and how to make yourself work when you don't want to. This in turn leads to you "feeling dense". The key to getting through this is to realise that you are not superman/Einstein/whatever, but that this doesn't matter, you don't need to be. You need to be able to ask others (other students, your supervisor) for help. You need to be able to spend a week reading theory books to understand something so you can then spend just a few hours doing something you need to do in your PhD. You need to educate yourself in HOW to study. Of course you could quit and go and get a job where your boss MAKES you do the work you have to do. You might prefer this, many people do, but even in the "real" world, if you want to get somewhere you have to put a bit of extra effort in, which you may or may not find just as hard to do. I apologise if I have guessed wrong on this, it's just a common progression, you may well not identify with what I've said in which case ignore it - I do not mean to offend.

Assuming you didn't come straight from undergrad/masters - What did you do previously? You must have left that for a reason. If so, will you not just be jumping out of the pan and into the fire so to speak? If not then I guess you can search for a job. If/when you find one and get offered it, then tell your supervisor. DO NOT leave the PhD programme (assuming you're funded) without first having something to go to.

So, to answer your questions:

1. Start looking for a job whilst continuing with the PhD - only make the decision once you have a job in place
2. Just be honest. You say "I am not enjoying the PhD and feel the funding could be spent better on someone else. Thank you for the opportunity, I wish you well for the future" or similar.
3. Only you will know that.

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it.

I was deliberately vague in my original post because I am afraid of being identified! I have ME, which means I get tired very easily and every day is a struggle to keep going. Despite the setbacks, I managed to complete my degree, so I thought I could battle the PhD.

I came straight from a masters degree, which included a year of full time laboratory work. I have always been extremely motivated, well disciplined and worked very hard. It's come as a bit of a shock to be in an unusual situation where I can't motivate myself. Possibly I have run out of steam from working so hard for my undergrad that I've let myself relax too much since there are fewer clear cut modules/goals/grades in a PhD. I need to find a way to impose some sort of structure to my work. I find with my PhD I am spending too much time "studying" and not enough time putting effort into the physical side of my experiments. I'm starting to wonder whether experimental work isn't my forté. Don't worry I am not offended by your assumption!

======= Date Modified 27 Jun 2012 20:53:12 =======
Well you certainly don't fit the assumptions I made!

If you are lacking motivation then you certainly do have a tricky time ahead of you, especially given the additional demands of your illness. I know that a regular poster from a short while back called BilboBaggins completed a PhD despite illness (of a different type I think). Bilbo completed the PhD part-time, however there was certainly not a lack of motivation in that case!

My PhD requires no lab work (it's all computer simulations) so perhaps I'm not the best person for advising in this case. There must have been a reason you chose that PhD in the first place though? Most students seem to go through a "dark patch" between 9 and 12 months if this board is anything to go by, so it may at least be of some comfort that you are not alone.

I suppose the biggest thing is that if you do quit you need to have something lined up before you actually commit to quitting. Perhaps knuckling down and forcing yourself along for a few months whilst looking for other options will either:

a) get you through what turns out to only be a bad start
or
b) Allow you time to find something else that you would like to do.

Other than that I suppose simply approaching it as a job you don't (at the moment) like would be the best course of action. Millions of people do jobs they don't like to pay the bills - hopefully for you it won't be for ever though! Until you have something else lined up you may as well get on with the work (and the money from the funding if there is any) that you have.


Edit: Just to add - If you need structure (as you suggest) then you need two things. You need a plan for your time obviously, but you also need someone to be held accountable to (as well as yourself!). Keep logs of what you do to motivate yourself and perhaps ask a colleague (preferably a fellow student) to check up and you and make sure you are doing what you say you will.

Also, maybe a chat with your supervisor would help - assuming they aren't awful. Their job is meant to be to support your PhD after all (up)