Hello all,

So I got accepted onto a phd programme and managed to get some departmental funding with it.It is the same institution I have been studying at since my B.A. Anyhow, I was chosen as the first nominee for research council funding, and failing that, I was told I would get funding from the department. I did not secure the first type of funding. To be honest, I kind of expected it. I think the only reason why I was selected as the preferred candidate was because I have been here for so many years, got good grades and therefore, the department thinks I am a good student and will do well. I am still happy I got a full scholarship.

But I feel over-estimated. Firstly, I wrote my Phd application in two weeks (I think) and to be honest, I am not sure what it is going to be about and how I am going to do it. I received feedback from a very supportive academic (Who will also be my supervisor) and I made some amendments following his recommendations. Now, I am really confused. I also have no clue how to use the method I was suggested to utilize. I am so lost about the whole research! I feel like he may have thought I would get it, but I don't! He has been amazing and really believed in me, but maybe he believed in me a bit too much? I can already see "resubmit" as my viva outcome, or "major modifications to be made"!!!! To make matters worse, the person selecting who will get accepted and subsequently get funding, knows me and was happy that I would continue studying here. Most of the department knows me, and if they don't, well my grades and history here could respectively show my academic potential and loyalty to the institution (I do love my university!).


I feel like if I had applied elsewhere (this was my only application), I would not have had so much support, and would not even have been considered for the phd itself, let alone funding. The whole form was written so badly and was so unconvincing! I know myself it was unclear, hence why I did not get research council scholarship. I am now scared of starting the whole programme. I am not even sure what I will be doing and don't know how to approach it with my future supervisors. I feel like my knowledge is 0.01% about the area I want to investigate - having not taken modules in it previously. I chose it because I want to pursue in this field, but maybe it is not wise?


PLEASE HELP ME FEEL BETTER BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FRAUD!

What you feel is pretty common. In fact, it has its own wiki page:

I agree with ape_boy - you have a classic case of imposter syndrome, but the happy news is there is plenty of treatment for it - and this is what you need to do, systematically treat yourself. Here is my favourite helpful blogpost to help alleviate panic which is what I feel sometimes. The internet is really helpful - have you looked at the thesiswhisperer.com, trawled this postgrad forum and gone to twitter? #ecrchat (early career researcher chat) #acwri (academic writing chat) #phdadvice #phdforum #phdchat. Sounds like you need a bit of a breather, have a weekend off or something and do your favourite hobby whatever that is. Nobody can work 24/7 on their phd no matter who they are. And it's not a matter of life or death. Pin motivational quotes from people on your computer monitor - and just try to be optimistic. Sounds like you've got a supportive good supervisor which is really important and you've done brilliantly to get on a PhD!

I am a fraud just like you, but I work really hard, so no one will find out...
:)

Universities and prospective supervisors do not waste time and funding on applicants they don't think have the potential to do well. Empirically, this means you deserve your PhD offer. Now you just need to work on it. Impostor's syndrome is a very powerful thing and if you let it, it will make you feel miserable for some time.

You mention you don't know how to do a particular method. That's perfectly Ok. A Phd is a period of training. As long as you know why the technique is the right one, that's fine. Find out if there are technical reference books for this method and discuss the method with your supervisor when you start, indicating that you haven't used it before. There will be new methods (some of them you will devise yourself, perhaps setting up the new gold standard in your field) and you will have to learn how to do them. This is research!

Stop worrying (although it is perfectly normal at the start of a PhD) and remember that your supervisor, peers and colleagues can help!