Dear Nathalie and Zipidee
Thanks so much for your contributions and comments. The reason why I think I was struggling so much is that my Mum had terminal breast cancer - I was main carer and she has since died (in October). I am due to return on 1st March so hopefully will be able to then. My supervisor is aware and I hope to be guided by your advice. If you took a break from your PhD and came back I would love to hear more from you.

Best wishes

I am close to quitting my PhD - my sup has given me a few days to work on a sampling strategy for a qualitative study - which is fine but I'm failing in my justifications - why I'm doing one thing and not another. It just feels to me that in qualitative research anything goes. How do I get better at defending myself and my methods? I just got deferred in my upgrade viva and now it feels like the end is in sight, that the only option left is to quit. Are there any 'happy quitters' out there?

Hi tt dan

I agree with the others, telling your supervisor you don't like their supervision is very difficult, if not impossible. But there are ways round it. You need to bolster up support for yourself and find coping mechanisms to deal with your supervisor. Ask for help. The best places of support for me have been:
1) Post grad tutor (a pastoral role at our Uni, I think most have them). You don't have to denigrate your sup. to this tutor, but you can mention you're having difficulties and see what they say.
2) Students' Union. They normally do a drop in service and then you can book a longer session. Totally confidential and independent.
3) Equalities service. If you feel you might be being discriminated against for whatever reason - eg for ill health.
4) Mentor - ask someone you respect if they wouldn't mind mentoring you. My mentor was great, although probably a bit too senior really so too busy to devote the time to me.
5) Phd student colleagues - most supervisors are tough/difficult cookies so your friends should be able to help you deal with them
6) Careers service. Again they normally do a drop in so you can see someone quickly and ask for confidential advice, say you're worried about getting published.
7) Training courses - at our Uni there are plenty of these - dealing with your supervisor type courses. So just enrol.

Let me know how you get on/if you've already trawled those resources.

A

Dear Charliebrown and Mohana

Thanks for your replies. You have given really good advice. Yes, I think I am succeeding in remaining calm at all times, which you say is important, so that is good. I think the changes are too big and I will ask for an extension to the deadline of a couple of weeks, which according to my tutor isn't that big a deal. The faculty office are more concerned about the Viva date which we won't move. I am also quite philosophical about it, I have changed discipline and sector (from history, humanities to social sciences) so it is a big achievement for me to get this far. I wouldn't mind doing an MPhil if it came down to it, I just don't want to give it all up as I've done so much work, I don't want the work to be wasted. Is there anyone there who did an MPhil and then went on to do a PhD later? How did it work - did you always wish you had done the PhD in the first place?

A

I have to get a document in (transfer report) by this Friday 5pm but found this morning that I have to make major changes to get it in and I have gone into what I call 'meltdown mode' or the 'paralysis of panic'. My supervisor thinks she is giving me too much help, (she is helping me a lot) but this statement has knocked my confidence. How do I get out of this state? What are your top tips?

Dear Goagoa

Again, thanks for sharing your story, your bravery is inspirational. I am pleased to hear you are regaining your strength, after a tumultuous couple of years. It is great to know you will seek somebody to talk to - make sure you have good rapport with whoever it is. My rule of thumb for good counselling/therapy is that I always feel better after it, but I know some people disagree with me on that, saying that you have to open up your soul which is sometimes unpleasant. My advice is still to seek out someone professional you trust to talk to, even if it's the career service at your University. My experience with them is that they are great with advice on which PhD to do and all that sort of stuff and how to handle potential supervisors. I think you will feel a lot better about the bullying and rape once you have confided in someone about it. I'm sure you will find whoever you talk to 100% supportive, confidential and helpful, and if they're not then find someone who is, it shouldn't be too difficult. Then you can talk over with this professional about when might be the best time for you to confide in your parents, I think you will feel much better after that too. Is there anyone you're already in touch with who has helped you before, been confidential that you can see yourself confiding in and helping support you now?

I've been badly bullied on several occasions in the past, not now fortunately, and I found friends, family, the professionals such as my GP, mental health nurses, A&E, trade unions, students' union, services at University, my postgrad tutor, my mentor all very helpful and supportive, but you have to take that leap and open up, actually ask for help. People will be very sympathetic and if they're good at their job, they will give you new coping mechanisms and help you tap into your existing skills set to help you take action and get over these traumas.


More hugs,

Anon 007

Dear Goagoa

Thanks for sharing your horrific story. It is very brave of you to do so. In the first instance please deal with your health issues. You can't do anything if you aren't well yourself. Those are major traumas you have been through and you must share them with someone in the first person in real life - so they can help you deal with them. Please, go to see your GP or another doctor you trust urgently and tell them your story - simply - like you have done here. Health information is 100% confidential, more confidential than the internet. Nobody can help you if you don't tell them and your GP can fast track you to psychology or counselling services - whichever is the most therapeutic for you. Nobody relates to your pain because nobody knows about the cause, you must tell someone. A PhD is a really big deal and a massive strain on the mental health of anyone, so please ensure you have strong mental health supports around you before you embark on that journey. I would put off the PhD decision until you have dealt with the bullying and rape trauma. Please call a professional now. You are a brave, strong person and will recover your self esteem and confidence with time, help and support, but you must seek out that help. See the PhD as a reward for tackling and dealing with your mental anguish, which must be your number one priority, right now. Please look after yourself, prioritise yourself and most important of all, be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break! Have you had a holiday recently? Now is the time to take some time off with close friends and family and confide in someone so they can help you, which is what you desperately need. Feel no shame, none of this is your fault, be strong.

Massive hugs

Anon007

Dear Anxious PhD Girl

I'm sorry to hear your story. I really think you should get extra support. There are so many services at your disposal at University - have you sought support from them all? Counselling? Your GP? Equalities Service? Students' Union? Careers? Have you had a break recently - perhaps you should consider time off to feel a bit better? One of my favourite blog posts is : http://annatatton.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/top-ten-tips-to-diffuse-phd-panic.html to help tackle those negative feelings. The students' union is the best place to go for confidential help about going part time - they've really helped me - think it depends on a range of things, not least support from your supervisor. Your number one priority should be your health - without that you can't do anything so do everything you can to get back on the straight and narrow mentally. Have you tried: hypnotherapy? Getting a mentor? Getting a coach? Therapy? Psychiatry? Psychology? MIND? Or if this list doesn't float your boat then write one that does and tick things off - that will give you a sense of achievement.

I don't know who junkcar is but maybe the moderators can remove that unhelpful post?

Dear Satchi

I feel for you, but you mustn't give up hope. I agree with the other posters, perhaps you should consider moving close to a University? Chances are you'd be able to get a part time job in a busier place. You're obviously very IT literate - have you considered setting up a group/blog/website on your topic using twitter? This is what I have done and it has worked really well, every Monday at 8pm we have these chats on my topic which I convene. We storify them, and I manage a wordpress blog which discusses all the issues that we discuss on twitter. Although I haven't got a job out of it (yet), I've done proofreading for others which takes my mind off my problems and makes me realise I can do it. I have made really good friends and contacts on twitter, and I know they would help me get a job if I asked. Go to #phdchat #phdforum #acwri #ecrchat and ask for help there. You could set up your own company/charity on your topic too - go to your careers service for advice. Contact the charities in your topic area and see if you can volunteer for them for a week or two - stay with friends if necessary in the city. Use all your contacts and friends and say you're looking for an opportunity to volunteer/work/set up a business/charity and see what happens. Write all your options on a large piece of paper and tick them off one by one, so you know you have all your choices in front of you. Discuss all your options with close friends and family - they know you best and which option suits you. I have also had mental health problems and know the difficulties this brings. There are lots of good websites/blogs out there to help - moodscope.com is one of my favourites - you get to give your mood a score each day and it gets sent to buddies who help. Also learn how to meditate. Set aside a minute each morning to breathe deeply in counting to seven and out counting to eleven. Increase this time to 5 minutes after a few days, then eventually 20 minutes and you'll be a master within weeks! it really works for depression and anxiety. MAke sure you only allow yourself worry time at a particular time in the day - say 5pm for half an hour.

Dear Kathy
Sorry to hear you are considering quitting. It sounds like rather a dramatic thing to do when you have so many other options at your disposal. Have you thought about 1) Having a long or short break? Make your mind up over this break, see how you feel with a bit of distance between you and the PhD 2) Just doing an MPhil? This will mean you will get a qualification out of it - your time will not be 'wasted' 3) changing your question a bit? You say you want to do an MBA, but my friends say this is extremely tough and you won't get funding - it's very expensive. Can't you make your question a bit more business orientated? 4) getting advice from the professionals - ie students' union, careers service, equalities service or student counselling?

I wish you well.

Kind regards

Hi Satchi.

Those short term posts are really worth going for - I went for a research assistant job before my PhD and although didn't get the main job they had the odd hour going - 10 hours a week which worked really well for me and gave me valuable research experience which I didn't have before. Try to get as much help as you possibly can - go to your careers service at your old University - or your local one. Most life coaches give the first session free - you can google them in your local area. Something will come up - the other thing you can do to occupy your time is volunteer - get in touch with research groups in your area who you know have projects going that would interest you - offer to volunteer or at least attend meetings - I got three job offers like that. Network for free by volunteering at conferences - just contact the conference organisers. Make sure you fill your days and keep yourself motivated. Write down a list of free treats you give yourself for each task - like a cup of tea for each job app section. Failing all that - go for a 'dead end' job at the University where you want to work - contacts made will be invaluable and you will know when more suitable jobs come up that you can go for. Look on the University websites for jobs. I did this and found my PhD like that. Got the contacts and got to go to networking events, got more job offers. Once you get a little job it will lead to more work. Good luck!

Many thanks CR1980 - I will work on those questions.

less worrying I think - they still mostly get through eventually! It's quite good that it's so tough in some ways as it prepares us for the Big One.

I agree with ape_boy - you have a classic case of imposter syndrome, but the happy news is there is plenty of treatment for it - and this is what you need to do, systematically treat yourself. Here is my favourite helpful blogpost to help alleviate panic which is what I feel sometimes. The internet is really helpful - have you looked at the thesiswhisperer.com, trawled this postgrad forum and gone to twitter? #ecrchat (early career researcher chat) #acwri (academic writing chat) #phdadvice #phdforum #phdchat. Sounds like you need a bit of a breather, have a weekend off or something and do your favourite hobby whatever that is. Nobody can work 24/7 on their phd no matter who they are. And it's not a matter of life or death. Pin motivational quotes from people on your computer monitor - and just try to be optimistic. Sounds like you've got a supportive good supervisor which is really important and you've done brilliantly to get on a PhD!

I have to submit a 6,000 word transfer report that I am just finalising now (due in next week). It is a literature review plus research proposal. I am more worried about the viva - our institute seems to have a 90% failure rate at transfer viva level. I have lots of previously submitted reports, but no copies of the questions they were asked at viva. What questions were you asked for transfer/upgrade viva? What are the best ways to prepare? I have to do a ten minute presentation too - any tips on how to do a good presentation most welcome.