Ok, so finally after many years I got results worth to publish and good enough to write my thesis and get my PhD.

However I wonder if the next 6 months will be enough to:

Publish 2+ papers, write down my thesis, apply for the remaining postdoc jobs and industry jobs, do networking, attend one more conference, eat, take a shower, sleep, relax, etc.

There is no possibility to get more time (funds) as I already got a year of extension. And I am nearly broke (foreign student paying international fees).

But I found out a leak in the "leave in absence" rules, my supervisor knows I suffer from anxiety, and my psychologist has been telling me to take time off (I knew I wouldn't come back to finish and I would be feeling very depressed at home knowing that I still could manage to finish).

In order to take an on-leave status, you need to apply 4 months ahead, and I will be banned from using the university facilities.

Well, I only need access to journals and my desktop to write down my thesis. I am very independent and I am confident in my writing skills, also my supervisor always reads what I sent her and she replies in less than a week. The access to my desktop is guaranteed, and my friends will lend me access to the journals trough students codes.

My idea is, that, in case I need it, I will finish my writing back at home while on-leave. I think that, by that time I would be only left with few chapters to finish, so it is not like I will write my entire thesis back at home, just polishing in a more supportive environment (I know I can do it). I want to do this to avoid paying monthly fees as I have no money to do it (in 6 months I won't get paid anymore). I also saved enough miles (conference trips) that I can afford go back and forth form country to country (my visa expires in a year, plenty of time to write). So I expect 1 or 2 months of "on leave" status (maybe none, but it is better to be prepared).

What do you people think?. I know it sounds cheap, but I really think that I can finish and it is worth to do it, but being realistic, it may happen that I won't be able to do so many things at the same time, and thesis writing is the only thing I think it can be delayed few months.

Cheers.

Sorry but I'm so broke that I can only afford to go back to my country with no return ticket. I think I can still finish. Since I mentioned I have no experience and I am not under work visa so it would be difficult to work. And besides, my supervisor is getting bored with my thesis so if i leave I'm pretty sure he will close the research on this. Not just cause it's boring but it is also pretty damn (technically) difficult, even for him. Beside some competitors just shown results of the same problem with a different setup, so my supervisor is getting quite depressed with continuing with it. I can keep working on my own, but it is imperative to have at least my supervisor next to me, if I want to defend successfully my thesis.

Do I really need to love what I'm doing in order to graduate?, I finally got the results and the feeling I may be able to build a thesis out of it, so inside myself I feel I can finish, but it will take even more efforts to do it, and I'm kind of sure to leave academia anyways. So I don't know if its gonna be good to spend another year trying to finish (it may not eventually, I see a 50-50 chance), or maybe I should focus my energy to get a job and try to gather some money to apply to a working visa.

I know that for some people that may have the support of a family may afford to take a break, but as I mentioned, my family and I are quite poor, and I have little savings to take a break. Besides I risk the confidence of my supervisor if I leave. I'm his first graduate student, he was quite understanding in the past, but I can also understand that this project as drained his and my energies quite a lot, specially after seeing other people solving the same problem.

Did I mentioned I was more depressed before than now?, but sometimes it is good to get some feedback to take the right decision, now that i still have some money incoming for another year.

Thanks.

CONTINUE

But I am a realistic and pragmatic guy now, I know I don't work well under tremendous stress (so forget about postdocs and professorships) , at least in the industry, if you don't like what you are doing, you get money and time to do other things, and if you don't like your job, you can save some money and look for another one.

I think I learn a lot about myself, boundaries, and talents.

But my question is, should I quit?, should I start right now searching for jobs, even if I have no experience in anything else?. I can apply for permanent residency (my family is poor but they are willing to lend me money for the last time if I need to) that I will be able to get in less than a year and get a job here in Canada (I'm pretty optimistic I can get one, I have computing skills, can deliver good and entertaining talks, I can write papers, and still can talk to people about things other than just research...:)))

I mean, I know that my dreams are broken, but I accept it, and have no trouble starting all over again, but what I can not stand is having the brain, and the basic skills, and being poor, and not being able to develop more life skills, even now at 28 (I feel still like a first year college student).

I know many grad student go for similar problems, but I am lonely, I have almost no money and no support from a family, I started too late to get results in my field so I won't be able to publish my paper before post doc applications (which I also think I don't like, they pay badly and the stress is even higher than PhD). I should have been more practical years ago, I should have seen it coming, but I didn't, anyway I am not as depressed as I used to be, but since in my social environment there are very few people that went to the same as me, I want to have as many suggestion in order to take the right decision, as I can not afford to do more big mistakes as what I've done. I'm too old in order to keep chasing something I have very little chances to get, but that's ok, life is not easy, and some people manage to be happy without getting what they dreamed.

Thanks

Ok, so, after mayor PhD depressive symptoms, long-term loneliness, and meditation, I started to understand the mistakes that lead me to a bad PhD thesis.

I finished my undergrad in geophysics and went directely (no experince) to a PhD program. I picked a tough PhD thesis, and I have been 5+ years working on it almost with no results. And by working I mean, almost doing nothing else in my life.

At times I felt that I left life pass by, I haven't develop life skills that people out there in the real world have developed cause I've been in academia for too long, being a geek and nerd without actually need it (in my life pre-college I was very well adapted socially, have my own rock band, and was popular among girls, since college I became very unsocial, hard working, and career orientated). I didn't learn how to balance my life.

Anyway, I managed to discover my mistakes in my life and I'm willing to not making theme ever again.

BUT, I still have no career, no money to start living again, I have debts, living in a foreign country (Canada) with a student visa, back in my country no-one will hire me (have no experience and geophysicist have no future there), I have a year and a half to finish (and I'm willing to do so, otherwise I would fall in a chronic-depression cause I've been chasing being a scientist for almost 10 years)
. So the environment that I have created around me, depends on the PhD (Canada will give me a working visa if I get my PhD, which means I can leave academia and start living life again).

I was raised in the old fashion-way, which means, "if you fight and try hard in the end you will always succeed", that's why I didn't quit my PhD even if I was stuck for more than 2 years (I did well the first 2 years cause I always was good in courses, and I did pass the qualifier with no trouble). Until 6 months ago I had no results, but right now I'm getting some, still I have no idea if I will finish on time, I haven't started writting my thesis, but I am writting a very long paper, which is an application of what I am doing.

But being a foreigner I can not extend my stay, I cost too much to my supervisor, and to get grants are very difficult given my low status as a researcher (I have never published anything). I still feel that I can finish, and inner inside me I want to finish. But certainly I am not as enthusiastic about academia as I was when I arrived, I don't like what I'm doing, not because is boring, but because I was studying something that didn't gave me any result in several years, until now, when I already hate it. Man I really feel that I had the skills back in the day, it just that I picked the wrong project, I even help my collegaues that have easier projects, it seems so easy.

CONTINUE