======= Date Modified 31 Aug 2008 21:22:38 =======
No problem at all (up) The messages are getting through fine, and I will keep checking should you want to write some more!

Your post completely terrified me because, during my Master's, I found myself in EXACTLY the same position with my female supervisor-to-be (who had a boyfriend). Please, please, please take my advice - which is based on experience - and step away from this situation right away. I know it's exciting, and you're probably feeling all glowing, loved-up & like her special buddy, but I can guarantee with almost 100 percent certainty that you will end up in a horrible mess, and likely get extremely hurt as I did. The situation very nearly ruined my PhD, and I would seriously consider getting a different PhD supervisor if I were you. God, I just hope this isn't the same woman ... it's just such a frightening parallel.

As for natural sleeping aids, melatonin (available online) is really excellent. Will knock you out, but does not have unpleasant side effects as is just a (synthetic?) hormone. I use this if my sleeping patterns are out of whack. After a while, you just end up feeling sleepy without taking it. If you want something less strong, serotonin in pill-form is also excellent & makes you pleasantly sleepy.

You are joking? I am stunned.

I agree completely with pamw - it goes up & down!

I agree with tomFinland. It is possible to build positive professional relationships with some people. Those people may not even be working in your exact area, so cast your nets a little wider . . . I have found great support (personally and academically) from the unlikeliest of people.

1) "I'm in my second year and I feel that I've hardly done anything since I started." - Tick
2) "I've written up what I've done, but it seems so little, and the prospect of writing a thesis is daunting to say the least." - Tick
3) "I've never been the quickest to learn and understand new ideas, so I've always taken longer than others, but I just feel that I'm getting nowhere at the moment!" - Tick
4) "My supervisor is pretty useless" - Tick
5) "I just feel that I'm wasting time by making very little progress, and it's all going to come back to haunt me in a year or so!" - Tick
6) "I also end up comparing myself to others in my office, and seeing them constantly typing up and discussing their work is rather demoralising" - Check

I have ticked all the things you have said that I have felt or that have applied to me at some point during my PhD, just so you know that all this is PERFECTLY NORMAL. I reckon a lot of people PhDers would also be ticking away. So, hang in there!

Okay, fair enough. I hope people continue to feel able to post negatively and positively on this forum. It's so important! Glad things are going well for you, Rosy - keep up the good work.

I thought perhaps just saying "let's have a positive thread" might have been a bit more tactful. Just a thought, really.

No, I don't think you're a cow - not in the least. And it's obviously good to find positive things to say.

I just meant that the way the original post was phrased sounded a little like a bit of a veiled criticism of people who were feeling negative (the word "backlash", I think). This could be quite upsetting if you are feeling negative, as many of us are.

I think I meant "insensitive" rather than offensive.

To be honest, I find this a bit offensive.

I have suffered from depression for a long time. I cope with it, but it really gets to me now and again. The last couple of days, I have had to force myself to go downstairs and socialize with my housemate and her fiancee. Once I got down there, though, it really did help. But it takes all my mental strength to over-ride the negative feelings sometimes.

I hear you, Chrisrolinski, about the struggle to write & the associated feelings of inadequacy. I often hate writing (not good for a humanities student) . . . it does end up flowing more often than not, but the effort to get there is sometimes too much.

Great idea for a thread. I really appreciate having a safe space to purge like this :) Feel better already just sharing.

Do you have any idea why you didn't get a traineeship? Any feedback given?

Also, to find out what you really want, it sometimes helps to imagine that all obstacles have vanished . . . what would you do if you had all the options available to you with no impediments?