Hi all,

I am a first year PhD student at a university in the US. I know that most of the users here are in the UK/EU, but since I saw quite a few people having problems similar to mine and the reponses seem pretty supportive, I decided to post here. I think PhD students go through the same thing, no matter where you are.

Well, I started my PhD program last September. It seemed like an obviously good decision at the time. The PhD provides full funding and the school is one of the most prestigious in the US. But less than a year into it, I'm seriously contemplating quitting after this semester. I just can't see myself continuing in the program for 3-5 more years.

1. I came in full of life, extremely sociable, and very ambitious. Now the isolation of a PhD life has turned me into a recluse. I find myself avoiding people, anti-social, and depressed all the time. Sometimes I am so depressed that it's very hard to even get through the day. I feel that the loneliness and lack of any meaningful social outlet is tearing me apart inside. At first, I tried to network with everybody and even organized social events. But eventually I got tired because people started giving me a suspicious attitude that basically said: "If you are so social, what the hell did you come here for?" A few even asked me why I didn't go for a business degree instead, suggesting that I didn't belong here, just because I am a little bit more normal than they are. And they started avoiding me. I'm already depressed and anti-social. I don't know what kind of a person I will turn into if I persist in this emotionally dysfunctional environment for 3 or 4 more years. Part of me is telling myself that as a self-responsible person I can't let this go on.

2. The aimless nature of a PhD program. Everything I did before in each major stage of my life had a purpose: in high school, I worked hard in order to go to a good university, in undergrad, I worked even harder because I wanted a high GPA so I could get a good job or go to a good grad school. There was a tangible goal at the end of it. It was even more so during the few years I spent working in the private sector before starting the PhD: you had to produce and your work must lead to results, otherwise you did't belong on the job anymore. Now I am feeling that 90% of the things I do have no purpose whatsoever, not knowing when I am going to graduate and whether I'll even land a job at all. I'm just studying for its own sake. I'm not feeling motivated at all.

3. I feel that as long as I remain in this program, my life will be on hold. Many of my friends have gotten married, some have kids, and most are enjoying pretty interesting careers. While here I am, living this aimless, lonely, depressed, and poor life of a PhD student.

I've told a few people I trust about my desire to quit. But they all think I'm crazy because of the prestige of the school and the current job market. But I just can't let this go on anymore.