I had just completed my Master’s degree. Excited with how it all went right from the start and eventually ending with a prestigious prize for the best performance, I was determined more than ever to pursue a career in research. After a few initial rejections (for reasons I may never know), I had two offers. After a visit to one of the graduate schools, I turned down the other. Then the unexpected happened. I undid all the hard work I had previously done!
I certainly knew that interest and motivation should be the key factor in the choice of a PhD lab or research theme. How I went against my knowledge remains a mystery to me. Maybe it’s not after all: I chose based on fear rather than flair; fear of missing out on a PhD place made me choose a project that I was not certain that I would like in the long run, a lab that I found out offered no competition (where in fact I was ranked in the top 5 after the interviews, an information not available to me until I had made my choice).
Maybe I never truly knew what I wanted, maybe a PhD was never meant for me and I could be doing something else, maybe I should have taken a break after my master’s degree to make a well-informed choice. Several maybes cannot change the truth that I am in the wrong place right now. I have tried several methods to ignite my interest (which was never existent), all ending in futility.
Now I am considering my options:
i. Stick with it for the remaining three-plus years and get a PhD; the consequence being that I may have lost all interest in scientific research as a whole. How one completes a 4-year research successfully without interest and conviction in what he/she does is what I cannot understand right now.
ii. Find another lab; who will be willing to take me up? How do I tell my supervisor that I want to leave? What do I tell my prospective supervisor as my reason for changing labs? How do I explain my initial choice of my lab in the first place? What if no one wants to take me up due to solidarity with my boss? How do I convince my prospective boss that I’m truly interested in their work and will not grow cold over time?
iii. Switch to another PhD program. This means I have to go through the pages of applications, dreaded motivation letters, and explain to previous referees why I need new recommendations from them less than barely a year. How do I justify the one-year gap in my education? What effect will knowing that I dropped out of a PhD program have on future applications?
iv. Leave the PhD altogether. But this does not seem to be much of an options since I love scientific research, I really do.
More questions than answers, the earlier and more accurately I provide answers, the better for my life now and in the future