I have an offer for an MSc that I can't wait to start, and want to do a PhD afterwards, hopefully at the same university. Everything has gone well up until this point - with the marks I already have I average at a 1:1 but I am just so worried about getting my results, and I have to wait until early July. My tutors seem hopeful and I've really been trying for a first, but I am so worried about not getting it, its all I am thinking about. What's worse is that I'm worried about one of my assignments that I found really difficult to write and think I messed up, even though I did what my tutor advised and discussed the whole essay with her as I was writing it.

I know a 2:1 would be good but I will probably be disappointed with that, I am a real perfectionist and I would probably feel as if I had let myself and my tutors down. I know I just have to put it to the back of my mind and wait for the letter but I'm seriously finding it so difficult, I keep trying to speculate and thats not helping either, its becoming a bit of an obsession and stopping me from sleeping, eating properly, and enjoying the first few weeks of my summer. I have started to do a bit of reading for my MSc course as I really need to succeed in this, not a lot only an hour max a day but I feel like I'm tempting fate by doing that.

Is it 'normal' to be like this when waiting for undergraduate results, how can I try to take my mind off it? I have plenty to keep me occupied but this is really driving me mad, and I'm getting fed up with myself, and I'm worrying that people are getting fed up with my constant panicking. Any advice really appreciated, Natassia x

Ahh... welcome to academia!

Waiting for undergrad results... waiting for MSc exam grades.... waiting for PhD offers....waiting for funding...waiitng for your first confeerence acceptance....waiting for your journal paper to be peer reviewed...waiting for your committe to read you work...

waiting, with bated breath, to get a job offer!

It's all the name of the game, you see. You'll learn soon. It's frustrating, and demanding to make it through all the waiting, and as my sup tells me, you win some, and you lose some, just see that you do your best...

Bug

What you're saying sounds totally normal lol, and as Bug says, this is the first of very very many...... I so hope you'll do well, I was just the same, was up for the first provided those last few exams and the dissertation went ok and so much rested on it! I too would have been gutted with a 2:1 but kept telling myself a 2:1 was a damned good degree, which it is, it is one heck of an achievement, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist too. Those last days were awful, the results we posted a day early and I was told that they were there and I refused to log on (we get ours online) until I was virtually battered into it by our admin lol. I got the first and it was the best day of my life but the waiting - argggghhh - remember it so well and so feel for you going through that wait too! You'll be fine, there's no reason why any of your latest work should be any different in quality to the earlier work, just try and keep busy and try (I know....) to not even think about it until the day comes xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Natassia, it's a horrible horrible wait, I was just like you, I could hardly think about anything else. To be honest, if you're averaging a first right up until your finals you will probably be fine. As you say, a 2.1. is still a good degree, but it's always nice to have that first to plonk on your CV and stand out that little bit more, especially if you're going to be applying for a PhD. I would just keep yourself busy, see friends, maybe get some voluntary work or work experience, whatever it takes to distract you for a few weeks! Do you actually need a first to get onto your MSc? Usually only a 2.1. is required anyway! Best wishes, KB

Ohh waiting is horrible. I'm awaiting a funding decision and I keep checking the course website as though one day it's suddenly going to say 'Yes, we're funding you HazyJane', even though I know full well the decision won't be made yet and that's not how they will notify people! Find lots of nice ways of distracting yourself, and do make sure you get a proper break before your next course starts.

A note on perfectionism: try to shake it off pronto. It's difficult and painful to do, but it's for your own good. I used to be a perfectionist, and was a model student at school - straight A*s at GCSE, straight As at A level...then I hit uni and discovered it just wasn't possible to read everything I felt was necessary to read in order to be a 'good student'. I then experienced some serious personal problems which meant my studies became a secondary concern. My attitude went from 'I really want a first but I guess a 2.1 will do' to 'Please let me get a 2.1!' Waiting for my BSc result was stressful as I had a PhD place lined up and was genuinely worried I was going to get a 2.2 and lose the place.

As it happened I got a decent 2.1 and was able to proceed just fine. These days I try to take the view that 'X is the outcome I'd really like, but Y would still enable me to reach my goals, so I can live with that'. I do still have traces of perfectionism - it drives my boss nuts when he'd like me to move on and I'm still faffing over detail - but I try to reconcile myself to the fact that you can't get things to be perfect all of the time. The truth is that perfectionism and PhDs do not go well together. You need to be thorough, yes, methodical too, and obsessive about detail. But it's highly unlikely that your work will ever be perfect. If you accept that, then the criticism you receive along the way (which is hopefully constructive but there are sadly no guarantees of that) will be easier to bear.

A couple of things you might like to try in the interests of maintaining your sanity. Firstly, read this: http://jcs.biologists.org/cgi/content/full/121/11/1771. I know it talks about science, but I think the general points apply to all research. Secondly, why not find some new activity to try this summer - such as a sport or creative activity - that is out of your comfort zone. Pick something that will interest you but not something you know you'll definitely be good at. This might achieve two things. Firstly, it might take your mind off the waiting and give you a rest from all that reading. Secondly, it might help you explore how you feel in situations where you aren't at the top of your game and have that uncomfortable feeling of ignorance/ineptitude.

Good luck with your results!

Thank you all so much for the lovely replies, its so reassuring to hear that others felt the same way as I do and got through it! HazyJane and anyone else who is waiting for something - good luck and I hope we all get what we want eventually!

I have started a new job and been on a training course for 2 days this week, I'm working as a receptionist at a rather up-market hairdressing salon part time now, to fund my Masters and also for a bit of personal development as well, hopefully. Although I have worked in the hairdressing/fashion industry before (as a student) this type of role is outside of my comfort zone, and very far removed from academia! I am required to be quite managerial and assertive, and I think this will really help me become more confident with my own abilities as well as providing a nice distraction from my real work. I will not be making a career out of it (hopefully), but it is a good job to have. So like you said Hazyjane, I am certainly not at the top of my game at the salon yet, getting there is going to be my focus for the next few weeks I think! I also have my horse to keep myself occupied, going to do some more competing, as well as catching up with friends. So I have a lot going on, but results are always at the back of my mind.


Regarding perfectionism, I think I'm a perfectionist because I was never very good at school - I got quite good GCSE grades but my A-Levels weren't good at all and I was lucky to get into the university I am at. When I did well at university during the first year I really surprised myself, and as I have improved during the course of my degree I have continued to surprise myself - getting a 70+ grade makes me feel fantastic and therefore acts as a positive reinforcement. I guess I have realised that I can do well, and want to do that well or better all the time otherwise I feel I have failed. My worst mark this year was 68 and I felt terrible, even one of my friends said to me "you just can't take it when you don't get a first", and I don't like to admit it but she was right. I am my own worst enemy in that respect, I still know that a 2:1 is a real achievement but I still need to really believe that. I can achieve all I want to with a 2:1 as well, in fact one of my tutors who has an amazing career only got a 2:1, so it is not the end of the world by any means. But I can't deny it, if I got a first I would be absolutely ecstatic!!

Thanks again for the replies, you're all so supportive and its great to have some honest feedback, my friends are all like "you'll get a first, I'd put money on it" - as lovely as that is to hear it doesn't really help me, if that makes sense! Natassia x x x