My problem:

I am in a foreign country doing a Masters using a language which I only have two years of experience of. My supervisor, who has not helped me at all structure or approach a 30, 000 word dissertation (the most I have ever written is 8000), gave me a useful plan/structure after the viva which he said I failed. Thank you sir. He never replied to my emails and gave really vague advice on only two short occassions. I had no time to read last semester due to working full-time. My girlfriend of four years (whom I moved to this country for two years ago) is kicking me out because she doesn't want to support me through the three years it will take me to get my foreign language up to the level that is required to pass this course.

So I'm going to have to go back to my home country without her. She said she'll join me in a year. I don't know if I believe her. She refuses to support me emotionally through this hard time, she just goes out with her family when she has any spare time at the weekends. She has done this the last five weekends. I have no friends here. Sounds funny I know but it ain't.

I will have to work in my home country for a year while living with my dad to fund a taught MLitt to start in August 2011.

I am a qualified secondary school teacher but I want to work in a low responsibility job to keep my stress levels as low as possible. Is this a bad idea? Will PhD admissions take this into account?

I have chosen a taught MLitt in a high quality Uni in which the thesis is only 15, 000 words and many hours are spent on research methodology, planning, etc, because there was a big gap between my 4 year degree (2:1) final thesis of 8000 words and this 30,000 word thesis in this country. Here there was no consideration taken of my prior learning and I was just left to flounder. No advanced research skills were taught and my advisor didn't help. Am I just stupid? It feels this way. But I got really good grades in my undergrad when I knew where I stood.

Is it a bad idea to take a taught MLitt? Am I stupid for not knowing how to approach the 30, 000 word thesis?

I am also paranoid about the academics at this Uni (on a completely different continent to my prospective Uni) telling my prospective Uni that I am arrogant, disrespectful because I complained about their standards of education a couple of times. Is this completely irrational? I fell like I'm going mad.

Also I am worried about my references I have asked for from my two Undergrad Professors. I wrote to them telling them the situation that I have to quit here due to financial reasons. Is it possible they won't provide references because they might think I am not a good student?

One of the professors has written me two excellent references in the past but maybe she won't write another one? Maybe there is a limit to the number of references they will write?

Please say what you think of what I wrote! I feel like everything good in my life has died.

hi huxley
sorry to hear of your situation. Nothing can change what has happened. My best advice to you is to use the time you have (when you return to your home country) to reflect on yourself and your life aims.

Did you do a masters (in a foreign country) because you really wanted to do it (in a foreign language) or you did this so you could be with your girlfriend? What do you really want to do with your life? Do you have to get a masters degree for it?

You said you want to work in a low responsibility job to keep your stress levels low. The truth is, no matter what you do, there will be stress everywhere. Even with a simple job such as a cleaner, there will still be some stress. We cannot avoid stress. It is part of Life. All of us have to learn to deal with stress and manage ourselves to cope with it.

Don't be paranoid about the academics at your present uni giving you negative references. Let it go. Worrying about references from your undergrad professors will not change anything. If one of them has written you excellent references in the past, it may be possible that she will help you again. She might be very busy. Don't worry yourself over this.

You need to get yourself together first.
You cannot be happy with anything if you are not happy with yourself.
satchi

hi huxley
glad to hear that you are ok and are willing to go "on the mend".
take time away to reflect, repair and recover,
remember that the feelings of uselessness are only temporary,
they will go away faster if you let them go.

take care and do keep in touch.
good luck
satchi

hi huxley
looks like u reached a decision (somewhat?)
don't give up and good luck :-)
satchi

I am sorry that things seem so tough at the moment, but they will get better, once you take time for yourself as advised! concentrate on you, make decisions for yourself, thinking of you and your future, not someone else.
re the phd, if you have been thinking about doing one for so long then it sounds like you really want it, and if you were willing to attempt a masters in a new language and didnt drop out despite the difficulties during the course you must have the determination needed for a phd! go for it!!
re references, i dont think there is a limit to the number of references they will write, my supervisor has been writing me references for years (she taught me at undergrad level also)
anyway, dont doubt yourself, remember that things external to your studies will always effect you (working full-time, new language, relationship problems are very good examples!)
My own MA result was not what I had hoped it would be, or according to the feedback what I am capable of, due to an illness in the family which took its toll right as I was writing the thesis up. For at least a year I beat my self up about my 'poor' mark (to the point that I have not been able to bring myself to re-read the thesis since) however it has made me all the more detirmined to proove to myself that I can do better. Try an take this attitude.
You are not, and nor should you try to be, superhuman.
good luck!

Wow that's a really lovely message Dee thanks very much.

You give great advice.

Sorry to hear about the illness in your family.

I have had similar things happen at critical stages in my life and it is really difficult to deal with.

Situations like your have such an affect on wellbeing it is very hard to concentrate on what you are supposed to be doing.

You did very well to get through your thesis with all that other stuff on your mind.

Well done.

Hope your family is OK.

Keep your head up and you too should never give up either.

You're the best, thanks.

:-)