Hi all,

I know that these decisions need to be made by me but I have read a lot of threads on here where people give good advice (not necessarily an all out answer).

So, I'm 6 weeks into a course. I went through serious depression and worry in the first 2 weeks due to doubts about the course/what I want to do with it/whether it was worth the money etc. and I am only just starting to feel normal again. The doubts are still there though. Subsequently, I made no effort with anyone and made a really bad first impression (I came across as arrogant and as though I already had friends elsewhere, when I didn't, I just hated being there so much that I went home immediately after the lectures).

To add to this, I feel alienated on my course. Everyone has made pretty tight groups, pretty quickly. I feel like I don't fit in because of this and because everyone seems to be so sure that this is where they want to be. I am struggling to relate to anyone on my course. This, plus the fact that my new flat mates (in campus halls) all have established friends elsewhere and are not interested at all in socialising.

My doubts about the course, combined with lack of socialising is making me wonder, are the benefits of having an MSc in general, worth this loneliness and unhappiness I am facing??? Should I continue and hope things improve? Or should I grab life by the horns, quit my course and take some happiness back???

Just putting my feelings out there to see if anyone can shed some light??

(p.s. i am currently looking for a club or society to join, but my universities student union is pretty pathetic. The main societies are international student societies...)

You're only in the first few weeks, so I would suggest sticking it out, especially if you are interested in the subject.

I'm sure there will be some group work at some point which will allow you to interact better with people, and no doubt there is someone else in that class you've overlooked who is feeling the same way. Everyone is forming little groups, because they are scared and insecure so latch on to other people. Just be yourself and I'm sure it will be more sociable in time.

If you hear about a trip to the pub after lectures make sure you go along and try to be proactive e.g. ask people if they want to go for a coffee afterwards etc.

I would consider very carefully before quitting, especially as the tuition fees are likely to rise significantly, so if you want to go back in a few years it may cost a lot more.

What really jumped out at me about your post was that you consider quitting to be grabbing life by the horns and taking some happiness back. You make it seem like the most constructive and assertive thing to do. I don't know- maybe for you it is.

You may have doubts about the course and the money, but I think the real motivation to quit is your isolation and that you don't like the impression the people there have of you. I understand how unhappy this can make a person. I left many jobs for just this reason. I was once shy and making friends was really difficult. Part of me wanted to be involved and to socialise but another part was so uncomfortable speaking to people. It was my discomfort that people noticed, but they would generally not attribute it to shyness, instead I unwittingly built an image of someone who didn't care enough to speak to people, arrogant, unfriendly. And this image was built pretty quickly, and once it's there, it's difficult to break. So, I was often in a similar situation to you (except I went home at night) - my work days were lonely and, worse than that, I hated the way others saw me - it was inconsistent with who I am.

You can still make friends and change their perceptions of you. These already established tight groups are often not that difficult to get into. This is the area where I think you need to grab life by the horns and take some happiness back - and I doubt it involves quitting. Looking for a club or a society is a good start, but I think you should make a real effort to make a friend or two on your course.

Good luck (up)

Thanks for the replies people. Didn't expect advise this quickly.

Bleebles - I guess I was just thinking out loud with the "grab life by the horns" comment. When you are unhappy like I am I think it can make you feel pathetic because I chose to do this course, yet I am not happy, so by quitting, I would feel more in control of my life. But you're right, it is not necessarily the most assertive thing to do. Thanks for your post. I relate so much to the way you used to interact with people. It's something I've had since school but it has been amplified here due to how I behaved at the start.

Sneaks - Thank you also for your post. You're right about being proactive. I just got myself so messed up in the first 2 weeks that I felt like all I could hear was white noise when anyone spoke to me in class. Things are definitely improving, but I'm not as happy as I was when I had a job last year...

Any more advice would be welcome thank you.

I understand where you're coming from with this. I think the advice given by Sneaks and Bleebles is fairly spot on. It's unfortunate that someone being quiet can be perceived as arrogance by others, but it's true. Don't worry about feeling that you've made a bad first impression - that can easily be remedied and you'll find that the interaction dynamics between people will change as the course goes on and you do group work and sit and chat after lectures. I remember when I was doing a degree and people who I never expected to get on with I did in the end. First impressions often count for little in these circumstances; you'll see what I mean a couple of months from now.
Pity about your flat mates, but I suppose many of them will be first year undergrads, and doing an MSc you'll be a lot busier than them. A shame also about the fact that your students union is so rubbish. You could definitely go along to some of the international students' societies, as they'll be very much in the same boat as you, not knowing many people and hoping to make new friends and socialise. Remember, that course fees are likely to shoot up and that, even if you find it a fairly isolating experience, it's only going to be a year of your life and you'll be very busy throughout much of it. In a way, you are grabbing life by the horns by doing this MSc.

Good luck :-)