Hi. I've been with my current boyfriend for 5 years. We decided that the relationship was serious enough that we'd like to go to grad school together, and since I was a year ahead of him in school, I would take a year off before grad school so we could apply the same places and decide together. All 4 years of undergrad were long distance. Now that I've graduated and moved, we see each other every weekend.

Admissions decisions are in and I should be elated--we both got into our top choice programs (at UC Berkeley). However, during the application process he decided to apply to 1 school that didn't have a program in my field-U Chicago. He just got back from the recruitment weekend and had the time of his life/met with a PI that would love to have him as a PhD student doing top notch research he's only dreamed of. He still hasn't visited Berkeley, so it's not yet a done deal. I don't want to hold him back because I understand how important the lab you get your PhD in is, but I just don't think I have it in me to do long distance again. My masters program will only take 2 years, but I just remember how hard undergrad was--using every break from school to leave and visit, talk on the phone at nights instead of going out, etc. It really affected my college experience, and I don't regret it. I'm just not sure I want to do it again. Emory had a great program for me (I'm getting my MPH and dream of working for the CDC someday) but didn't even view it as an option b/c there weren't any good PhD Chemistry programs around. Again, no regrets. I'm really excited about Berkeley!

Also: I've heard horror stories about maintaining relationships when 1 partner is getting a PhD. Assuming we both do go to Berkeley, how hard is it to keep the relationship going? Having been together for so long, we definitely have a good foundation. But I have the type of personality that likes to get all of my work done early and relax at night/go out on weekends. He's definitely a prograsinator/night owl and homebody, though goes out enough to keep me happy, but I'm worried that with the stresses of PhD he'll NEVER want to go out.

Hi

I don't think the issue is maintaining a relationship while one person does a PhD - this is entirely possible. Doing a PhD is hard, and long, but in the first two-thirds of the program people manage to live quite normal lives, go out etc etc. Well, I did anyway. The writing up part is when it's really hard, but that's for a finite time. Since you've been together for a while, and both studying, it sounds like you'd be able to manage finishing first, while he completes the PhD. It sounds like the real issue is whether or not you want to have another long-distance relationship - and this could be hard while you're both doing post-grad work, especially since it's likely that one or both of you would need to work a lot, including on week-ends.

So, ultimately, it comes down to whether or not you can maintain this relationship long-distance again - and only you can decide that.

I am doing a part time PHD and working full time at the same time. My boyfriend (we've been together for 3 years now) lives and works 1000+ kilometres away.
We've never had any major difficulties with being in a long distance relationship. It depends whether you want to continue your relationship or not. I am not saying it's an easy thing, but if you want it you cen do it