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Hello all:

Arguably I write well, some would say very well, typically in top 5% on all graduate papers etc...that is.... when I FINALLY hand it in--which may be days or weeks late-- so this is by no means a boast.

Clearly the problem is the process, it is torture and not healthy, and yet I think that if I could just find a way to overcome my psychological issues with anxiety, perfectionism etc. and/or develop better strategies it could be enjoyable and feasible as a way of life.

And when I say torture I don't mean hard, I mean psychological and physical torture that literally threatens my life.

To that end I am seeing a psychiatrist and I am even on meds...poster child for it.

I have also gone to see a sports performance psychologist to see if he could help me with the behavioural side of it but that just got into generic mindfulness and cognitive behavioural techniques that did not really focus specifically on the act of writing, and how it does not seem to work in my case.

So, after that long intro, does anybody have any ideas or even specific suggestions as to some professionals, groups etc. I might consider to help to address this problem.

Ideally someone or some group that specializes in this in some way.

Thanks so much!

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Hello Karl,

Your email sounds like I could have written it, except I've not been brave enough to actually get medical or behavioural help.

But with the last round -- for me, the physical torture plays out in a numb feeling in shoulders and neck, a feeling like I can't swallow, dizziness that actually feels serious, an overwhelming sleepiness, drop in body temperature, and a mind that suddenly loses the ability to concentrate. For example I'll cut a paragraph to move it, but then, in medias res, I can't remember what the paragraph in the holding pattern even says, much less where I thought I would paste it, or even where I cut it from. I end up opening a new document, pasting it there just to see what it says, then go back to try to find where it goes etc. -- I've often wondered if I'm going crazy! And so I miss deadlines, and the pressure only builds, and the concentration falls, and then I manage to squeak through, late, at great cost to my personal credibilty, and I try another technique thinking I can work my way out of this (I've done pomodoros, I've done 1 hour every morning, 7 days a week, I've done 500 words/day for 60 days, and still, when I reach a crunch, I'm crunched, and in as bad a shape as if I'd procrastinated . . . There is no pleasure in the good final product, because it was late and I am wrecked.

I don't know of any groups, but I did find a book that is starting to help. I'm hyper analytical, so it may not work for everyone, but it's called The Midnight Disease by Alice Flaherty. She's a neurologist at Harvard who ended up with a post-partum "hypergraphia" experience (almost as bad as block) which resulted, in the end, to her doing research on the brain (biology) and the mind (psychology etc.), and the causes of writers block etc. Scary as it is, she has made me feel better because the book shows just how complex writing is, and how many areas for difficulty there are (hormonal, behavioural, etc.), and how most self-help books pretend like there's a one-size-fits-all solution. I am not finished reading it (just found it last week), but basically she seems to have a practical approach of "self-experimentation" -- all her research basically shows there is no single cause, solution, etc., so it is a matter of being programmatic in finding your solution, part of which might be medical etc. as you are tring, but part of which is developing the habits that work for you etc. But it is helping me just to understand the medicine and science behind it all. And basically, her advice is resonating with me, because I have, in fact, been informally experimenting these past few months, and have started to make some progress, and now after reading her book I'll probably be more self-observant if you know what I mean. Stop feeling like there's something wrong with me, and just keep looking for the mix of behaviours that works. My most recent deadline was missed, but I ended up with 22,000 good words written, and I wasn't totally wrecked, because I seem to have prevented the full blown panic. (I hate to say it, but one of my new behaviours is self-medicating. I'm not a big drinker, but I do like Scotch, so when I feel the panic building, I often nip it in the bud now with a half-shot mixed with twice as much water, drunk quickly; takes the edge off the anxiety before it gets crippling, but doesn't interfere with mental clarity.) Her book is giving me some foundation/logic for what has felt like flailing around, trying anything. It might help to read it.

What I am going to suggest may seem a bit simplistic in the face of what you are describing, and indeed, it might not be the sort of suggestion you are looking for...but...all of that notwithstanding, I do strongly recommend ANYONE doing writing take a look at the Flowers Paradigm.

https://webspace.utexas.edu/cherwitz/www/ie/b_flowers.html
This link is to a very simple explanation of it, there are lots more detailed explanations out there if you want to pursue it further.

Basically she divides writing into four phases--madman, architect, carpenter, judge.

It sounds like perhaps getting stuck with the Judge when actually you should be at the madman phase is causing a lot of problems and anxiety ( understandably so). The thing is to understand that writing has these four phases, and you use them ONE at a time. If you are in the madman phase, you tell the judge to get lost, he/she gets his turn at the end.

For me, knowing that there is a phased approach and a method to use that is easy yet makes sure the necessary tasks get done to a final polished piece take away ALL anxiety about writing. When I am madmanning, I do not fret about the judge tasks, I know they come later...

Anyway, I thought it might be worth a mention...

Never saw this before Olivia but very apt analogies. 'Judge' is def the dominant one in my quartet
:-(

Well--we all have them to varying degrees--and what is more we NEED all of them to help us write! :p

The trick is letting them do their job one at a time. There are much more detailed explanations of the Flowers Paradigm, if indeed it is something you want to look into further. It is a pretty simple, no fuss, no muss 4 stage process that WORKS.

At the risk of sounding like a (very) broken record, there is more information on this in the Bryan Garner book, "Legal Writing in Plain English". Even though the title is about legal writing, in fact, it applies to any kind of academic writing, and gives a very easy, straightforward way to write and edit. It even gives specific examples of things to edit for, and how, and in what order--along with more information on the use of the Flowers Paradigm.

In response Bejasus, I in turn feel like you are also describing my story, right down to some of the details such as the self medicating. It's funny how you think that what you are feeling and doing
is so strange and different from that experienced by 'normal' people and begin to feel alone in this, and yet there are probably a lot more people like you and I out there suffering in silence...and probably some of our own colleagues who seem to have it all together, as I am sure is how I appear at times.

And to all of the rest of you thanks so much for your advice, and particularly the specific list of references as the first thing I am going to do is actually get those books and give them a read.
So I am not sure what else to say accept thank you, if there is nothing else that being honest about stuff like this it is that you realize that there are some really great, understanding and thoughtful people out there.:-)

Okay, I thought I'd add an update on my "self-experimentation" to try and fix my dissertation-induced writing anxieties. This thread was very helpful to me -- glad to know it was just me having this type of problem, and Olivia's advice was very helpful.

A few things I have noticed by paying particular attention: I am in mental knots whenever I have to spent time in my department. Bad associations, maybe, but just plain bad karma and unpleasant people. So:

1) I am glad to recognize this, so I'm able to understand the angst when it occurs, and can write it off (no pun intended) as what I now call post-department shock syndrome (PDSS) rather than signs of something wrong with me. This insight has been empowering, and my ability to make fun of them/me about it in my own head has actually reduced the severity, relaxed me when I am there, etc.

2) I minimize my time there whenever possible (without damaging myself politically), which has also minimized bounts of PDSS.

3) I plan for it. Try to be sure I build in time to detox in some way between a visit to the department and sitting back down at my computer to write. I watch a movie, go for a walk, take a shower, hang out among friends, stop in to the great local museum that is on my route home. I no longer come back to my home office and fret ineffectually in front of an open document.

The Flowers idea has been very powerful to me, so many, many thanks to Olivia! Here is how I adapted/adopted the general concept to help with the fact that my writing anxieties have me sitting at the computer for long hours, which can become self-defeating after a while, but is hard to stop when the anxieties mean you haven't made the progress needed, and deadlines are coming at you, increasing the anxiety, etc etc: the vicious circle.

I used bright-orange sticky-notes to that say "Madperson at Work" "Architect at Work," "Carpenter at Work," and "Judge at Work." I decide what my priority is, and then put that sticky note in front of me so that it is visible, under the monitor. So, if I need to write that paragraph that I know is missing about a particular study that supports my thesis, then I put "Carpenter at Work" in front of me, and it helps me not get sidelined by either too much free-form, or too much precision. If I wake up in the morning with what seems like a new idea half-formed after some sleep, I put "Madperson at Work" and open a new document and try to capture the idea fully, but imprecisely. Etc. etc.

If I feel myself getting hung up at any stage (just spent an hour to revise one paragraph, say) then I switch from Judge to Architect, and work on cutting and pasting some paragraphs around in a draft chapter, for example -- just to have a change of mentality but to allow me to keep working.

Finally, in terms of the Flowers method, I have created a rule that allows me to have music on when I'm in the madperson stage, and that REQUIRES me to have music on in the Architect stage. The music is a reminder that I shouldn't accidentally shift into the Judge mode. This has also been a big help: breaking the lonely silence of a frustrated writer working late at night while the world sleeps has often provided a shot of energy. So sometimes I shift to Architect mode just for the humanity of Mark Knopfler's voice . . .
:-)

In addition to helping avoid anxiety, this new system has also influenced the way I maintain my documents and file folders. No need to bore you with the minutia, but it has solved one of my problems: having many many draft documents, and a feeling that I've written this before, but can't quite find it among the similarly named documents (april 25 draft, april 29 draft). I now have a clean master document where I do my architecture, carpentry, and judging, with various madperson folders that give some order to the creative chaos. This has absolutely transformed my work. I owe you,

I've just read the Flowers paradigm and I can definitely see myself! It's a very good description of the different stages involved in writing! What I want to know is what do you call the stage when you've got to edit something you can no longer bear to look at but have to do so for an upcoming deadline? I guess I'm just bored with it but need to force myself to think about it instead of procrastinating? :-s ;-)

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Not to be small minded or petty, but therapy for writing problems? How bourgeois is that? Best advice I can give is that if you have a bad day of writing, pack it in for the day and start again the next day.

Wow, the Flowers method brilliantly captures the way I have always written! I am delighted to finally have terms for the stages.

Right now I am in carpenter mode. I want to be the judge by Thursday. Although, my judge frequently insists that the architect come back and do some structural repairs. :p