I really need some advice - I'm bricking it.

I am a research masters student and I started my p/t course last september. I had a deadline to submit some written work a few months ago. Not only did I not get that work in but I haven't even made any contact whatsoever with my supervisor. For some stupid reason I've been hiding - even stopped reading my emails. The last time I checked my email account was about 2 months ago.

F*ck.

Writing this here on the forum is the first step that I've made in admitting to myself what I've done.
Before, even the thought of visiting this forum for help had sent shivers down my spine.

Every day I keep making excuses to myself about why it isn't the right time or environment to get on with it. But most of the time I just try to put it to the back of mind and pretend it doesn't exist. It's easier to do this now that I have moved 120 miles away and concentrating on looking for a f/t job in the new area.

I really need to do something about it because I love my research topic, but I'm just so scared of f*cking it up that I've avoided doing it completely. What a prat.

What should I do? Please help. My confidence has gone to shambles.

Hey,

Everyone deals with research differently. You love your research topic so you need to accept that it needs to get done otherwise you'll lose it for good. Check your email, the longer you leave it, the worse it'll get, plus you'll know where you stand with your research. Then I'd suggest you arrange to meet your supervisor. Explain your situation to him/her, they're there for you if you have any problems and your supervisor will appreciate it when he/she knows you still care about your research.

Best of luck and stay on this forum
CB

Hi there

Firstly, you are NOT an idiot - and your user name is just going to make you feel worse. Anyway, it's great you've posted here, we can help. We've all gone wrong in our studies at one time or another, and managed to keep going and you will too.

You need to be brave, and contact your supervisor. Explain that you've moved, other life issues have taken you away from studying, apologise if neccesary for not contacting them before now. Let them know you're keen and would like to start again. Make a time to speak/meet with them. They should your tardiness - issues come up for students all the time, supervisors know how to be flexible.

Start to work out a plan about how you can get that first piece of work done. Set yourself a deadline, then work out how to get it done - break it down into little tasks, with timelines, and have this ready to give to your sup - will show you've started to work.

Don't be too hard on yourself, but work out ways to go forward. But first off, make a meeting to talk with your sup!! Be honest with them, and get the first meeting out of the way. I'm surprised they haven't been in contact with you - but maybe they have...Once you start to take action you'll feel a lot better. Good luck!

Hi - Firstly I am sorry that you are feeling like this, when it sounds like you are capable of doing the work. You have been through a stressful time though with moving to a new area, that is bound to have had an effect on your priorities, hopefully once you feel more settled with a new job you will be able to concentrate on your studies more. Having been through stressful family circumstances this year I can understand the importance of having the emotional 'space' for studying effectively (I am doing a full time taught MSc), it is very important to look after yourself - however I only realised that once things had become quite bad, hopefully you have asked for help sooner than I did.

You have definitely taken a good first step in posting here - this forum has really helped me and we have all had our individual struggles. Is there a student support/guidance tutor that you could make contact with before speaking to your supervisor - they can act as useful mediators. I would check your emails as well, you may find that there's nothing much to worry about; they would have probably phoned you or contacted you in writing if there was a serious issue. Your supervisor is probably more concerned about you than anything else. Good luck though, and I hope I have helped. Take care, Natassia x

Hey! I really feel for you- I think most of us have got ourselves into a hole at some point, and struggled to get out of it. I know I have. First off, you need to stop giving yourself a hard time over it and decide how to move forwards. Giving yourself a hard time and beating yourself up over it won't help things, so try to be nice to yourself. And then you need to be brave! Set yourself targets and start sorting this out as best you can- get in touch with your supervisor and check your email. It'll be tough but as soon as you get going you will feel better for it- at the moment it must be really difficult for you worrying about this every day. When you get over these first couple of hurdles it will get easier! Be honest with your supervisor and let him/her know that you are really keen to get back on track- the fact that you are so keen on your subject is a really good sign that once you get going, you will be successful. Keep your chin up- you will get back on top of things and be successful! Best wishes, hang around on here, it's great for support and encouragement! Best, KB

Hi there!
ok first off, I'll tell you something my dad told me. He is a counsellor and he once told me that the one thing that stops people getting over issues and moving on is that they cannot forgive themselves. Doesn't matter whether it's a big or a small thing, it will follow you around until you forgive yourself for whatever it is. It sounds to me like you are really mad with yourself for letting your reserach fall behind but you have to accept that what's done is done and all you can do now is try to sort it out and you will move on and it will be ok. I know it's scary facing your supervisor when you've been avoiding them or your work hasn't gone right, I've been there. But the anticipation of the thing is often worse than actually talking to them. The worst that can happen is that they'll get mad, possible shout at you but then that's it. It's over, you can get started back at your project and you'll know now that avoiding it won't help so you can get stuck in and let yourself enjoy it. And remember, you got onto the course, you have your first degree and all the other exams that led you to your masters, so you can do this. As soon as you speak to your supervisor and you find things are starting to move forward again, your confidence will come back and you'll surprise yourself.
I really hope it all works out for you, and as others have said, keep on the forum, we'll help you do it! (up)

Dear Idiot,

First thing you need to do is change that user name!
Then you need to take a deep breath and do just one thing a day for seven days. Tiny things, but the overall result will be the same - you will move on. All of these things are easy, constructive and are a tiny step on from doing nothing.

Day one - write out your thesis title page, using the format from your uni
Day two - buy a white board and write a few things on it - inspiring quotes, or five reasons why you want this thesis done
Day three - put the final date of your thesis award ceremony in your diary, together with a list of the people you will invite
Day four - get some referencing software. Endnote is good but you pay for it (your uni may have a group free account, if not go on Amazon and buy a student copy for 60 quid or so) or try Zotero which is free and links to firefox browser.
Day five - get your online library account up to date at the uni
Day six - clear your desk completely. Have nothing on it that does not relate to your thesis
Day seven - check your email account, then email your supervisor, noting that you are temporarliy blocked but getting back on track.

All supervisors have seen and heard just about every form of procrastination you can imagine. So you will not be surprising anyone.

Good luck!

Yes, please change your username. I think you have some great advice here from everyone. We all deal with problems in different ways; you obviously had valid reasons to escape your work and anything related to it. But it sounds like you are now ready get back to the scene and undo some of the damage. Past has passed, it is counterproductive to question your actions. Try to see it as "they were right at the time, but I'm not very happy with where they took me so I'm going to try something else". It's not too late to recover your research.

Good luck (up)

hi there
I see people have responded to your post and given you great advice
:-) :-) :-) I'm just writing to say hi and hope you are much much better and much much much and super OK now
love
satchi

Hi there!

I see you've received some excellent advice here (in fact, some of them are so good that they'll help me deal with my current write-up writer's block!). I also think - like everyone else here - that your username isn't helping matters ;-)
I've been where you have several times, so if you think you're an idiot or a prat just because you've done it once, then you'd probably need to invent a new term for me :$
Any ways, what people have said here is all true. It's always a bigger problem in one's head - and whilst it's being ignored rather than addressed - than it actually is in real life. Follow the advice eveyone's given you here & you'll feel much better.
The people in this forum have been really great help at times when I've been pulling my hair out too, so stay in touch & keep everyone updated. (up)

Look at all this support!! It must give you some strength!

Hi I.D.

Like others just can't bring myself to use this term on someone rather than about behaviour! Hard not to use people's names either-so for the present I.D. it is. Listen you have been given some great advice-which I've just scanned through and so I won't repeat it, just affirm and support what the other's have said.

However, the second last line of your post is telling...one of the things that really puts blocks in the way of progress is the idea that there could be something perfect "I love my research topic but I am just so afraid of ....it up that avoided doing it completely". That fear sounds like it really makes a great 'blocker'. In the world of academia as in the professional world, the perfect topic or essay or whatever, just doesn't exist. Whatever you do just has to be genuine-as in your own work- show that you have researched and thought about it and then submitted a paper, thesis or whatever on it. That's it...you can't f*** up a topic-it is just a topic. And we all have the confidence thing happen...I would think that most people on this forum were the 'brightest and the best' or the most passionately involved in a topic, in their undergrad degrees, which is why everyone is going on to further study but once on the independent pathway, it is just so different and so much harder.

Part of how hard it is seems to be down the the 'process' itself. It can just suck at times basically-and you just have to keep on working your way through it if you want to complete. But to do this you have to throw perfectionist ideals and the compulsion to meet every deadline perfectly (that was me-my thesis won't be done on time though-and now all I care about it that it is done-so I had to throw away that compulsive Ms Perfect time person title away).
There are any number of perfectionist or compulsive tendencies and related skillsets that post grads have and those things probably worked well for them initially in the undergrad world but just don't really help once you are on the post grad journey. So don't let all of those things stop you from continuing.

Have you thought about writing down some of the posted strategies for meeting with your supervisor and mentally rehearse them then just jumping in. Probably the sup will just internally sigh and then respond fairly professionally with some ideas as to how to help you with this-that is their job and this thing happens all the time. Hope it goes well- but you know, however it goes, I think it will still go better than all the awful things that you are imagining at present.:-)