Do you have experience with kids?
Well, I haven't got much experience with kids, and I am really really trying to act sensible here but I am about to lose my mind about something. So it would be great to get opinion from anyone, especially those with kids or have experience with kids:
A seventeen-month old darling moved to upstairs flat almost two months ago, and killed my happiness and peace since the day one. He constantly runs and jumps during the day above my room where I write my thesis, and from 6 in the morning right above my bedroom. It is an old house with wooden floors (although most areas carpeted), so you can imagine how the noise echoes in my brain and turns into the noises of war-zone. The mother's argument is: "it is a baby, you can't possibly expect me to stop him, he is excited and lively". My argument is: "yes but you need to try and teach him so at least in time he learns not to do this in the house." I don't know what to do, can't move out, and have only 2 weeks to my submission and I need every minute to concentrate. I kindly reminded this to them, but nothing changed.
Am I being unreasonable? Besides I've never had a single problem with the previous neighbors for five years.
no don't think you're being unreasonable. Some mums just don't discipline thier kids. I've lived with my 5 year old sister in law for a while and she is never told no - they think her down right rudeness is 'cute' - no its rude. Me and hubby tried to 'suggest' that she was told off a bit more, but nothing happened. I've come to the conclusion that they want her to be rude so she does 'offelly' well at private school and becomes the class bully and be 'successful' or something - sorry its a bit of a sore point!
I'm afraid my advice would be noise reducing headphones :-(
I don't think this is unreasonable. Nobody expects golden silence with a toddle upstairs but the mother does have a responsibility to help curb the worst of the beahviour and encourage him to play with consideration. There is probably nothing you can do about the 6am noises - young kids do get up early, but if the noise is throughout the day that is excessive. There should def. be quiet spots. Maybe you could try and tape /record some of the sounds you can hear and then show the mother what it is like to hear them. Explain that you are not having a go at her for being a mother or the kid for his behaviour only you wish he could be quiet for a few hours a day. To be frank, if she is at home with him all day there must be a way she can keep him occupied with naps, quiet games, the park (es. now it is summer) etc...
Perhaps you could sweeten it by saying that if she can help him to be quiet for the next two weeks, you will babysit him so she can have a night out for free?
BTW: I have my submission in 2 weeks too! We are doctoral submission twins! ;)
OK so I'm probably goign to get shot down by everyone else but here is my two penn'orth - I do have kids (11 & 9) and so have more experience of them than other posters and while I agree many parents don't discipline their children enough I think you are being unreasonable - you can't expect a toddler to sit still (and they are too young to reason with) - the only way that he will stop running around is if he were put in a playpen (very popular in the sixties) but that is hardly fair to him - he has probably only been walking properly for a few months and children need this running around as part of their development. Why should he learn not to ply in his own home? Isn't there somewhere else you can work? Most adults don't understand the demands of a PhD so how do you expect a child who can barely talk yet to?
Can't you decamp to someone else's house (who is out at work all day),uni libraries are dead now that undergrads have gone or failing that a cheap hotel?
I have a 17 month old...it's not going to happen, sorry. You can't really discipline them at that age because they don't understand cause and effect. Trust me, she probably tries (God knows I do), but at that age it's just in one ear and out the other. You can't reason with them, and you can't rationalise with them, and they don't care if they're inconveniencing or upsetting someone else (in fact my little girl finds it hilarious the more upset/annoyed/disgusted I get!).
The timing is really awful, and honestly they should get the rest of the house carpeted to muffle some of it, but it looks like they're not doing anything wrong no matter how hellish it is to live with. If it's two weeks, I think the only answer is that you'll have to relocate during working hours to get it all written up. Even if you were to complain to the council or landlord or whatever, your submission date will be been and gone before they get round to investigating it. Don't let yourself get more stressed, remove yourself from the situation until the critical period has passed.
Thank you for the answers, I really appreciate both views.
I am not really looking for total silence, honestly. I can ignore the other noises they produce, and believe me they are a busy and noisy household. Being used to living in a city I am good at blocking unavoidable noises usually. There is a train station at the end of my garden for example and noises like that don't bother me.This is different. No matter how much you try to block via headphones or ear plugs, it does hit you right in the brain. And I try to block with high tempo techno and bass music, even that doesn't block that particular noise for some reason, only makes it more uncomfortable to bear.
If I had a kid, I would try and avoid renting a flat above another. These are not purpose-built blocks and it doesn't require a rocket-science degree to work out how much nuisance a kid can cause to neighbors in a Victorian converted house.
I'm so broke and short of time to try other options. I'll hope I won't go crazy. Sorry to use this as a crying-stone. Even writing down helped me calm down a little.
Chrisrolinski, I'm following your other threads. Good luck with the submission. Let's have a forum-party at the end of it, messing it up big time :-)
I really do feel for you, I've also got kids, my youngest was 11 months old when i started my BA (she's 6 now) and I'm with the other mums - its utterly impossible at this age to stop the activity short of physically tying them up and I don't mean to criticise you in any way, please don't take it that way, but I had young neighbours when my children were little who used to moan about the noise sometimes (my eldest two were born 13 months apart) and I used to sit and sob my heart out at times and was constantly neurotic trying to shut them up (try stopping a baby with colic crying). She'll likely understand totally what you're saying but feel like she's stuck between a rock and a hard place. You can't make them sleep when they aren't tired, you can't stop them running and its hard. I had to move into a flat when my were a little older than your baby neighbour (my ex left us) and tried to find a ground floor place for the reasons you mention but couldn't afford anything - cue more neurosis. I can so understand what you're saying - I have done my whole uni with a young baby/child and the noise is a nightmare at times and yes they must be disciplined, but at 17 months there is absolutely nothing you can do about the kind of noise you're mentioning without physical restraint - then you'd get tantrums lol - they really are way too young to discipline in that way :-( I so hope that you manage to get through this, I do completely understand, but what the mum is saying is right... there is nothing she can do and he's only a baby - they have so much energy at that age!
But it is very unusual that people are at home during the day - most people are out at work and so the noise of a child is not going to affect them. I'm sure she would love a house with a garden for him to play in - most people with children don't chose flats; they have them because that is what they can afford / the council allocates them. Do you have any friends who are out at work in the daytime so you could camp at their place (in exchange for leaving making dinner occasionally)? Or as I said in my previous posting university libraries are dead at the moment - I was in mine last week and there were more staff than students!
I'm not unsympathetic as I am totally incapable of shutting noise out (and for that reason wouldn't live in a flat) - when I lived in London the neighbours who backed onto us were out in the garden every warm night in summer playing loud music and it drove me completely insane. It's always difficult because different people like different music and I don't think most people are sensitive to other people - I hate noise and spend all my weekends turning off tvs and radios which my husband leaves on in any room in the house (AND HE LEAVES MY CAR RADIO ON RADIO 5!)
Hey 404! I have a nephew at that age and see quite a lot of him. I have to say, at that age they're full of energy, they've just started to walk around on their own with confidence and they are into everything they can get their hands on. They also have a very short attention span so it's not really like you can just sit them down doing something for an hour at a time. I don't think you're being unreasonable pointing out your situation and asking them to try to bear it in mind, but equally the mother may well be doing her best and is probably already exhausted trying to keep up with him. I do sympathise because I can't work well in libraries- I have to be in the office where I have all my things around me- so I guess the best thing might just be to use earplugs or some sort of background noise to block it out. Easier said than done I know :( Best of luck with it! KB
I know it can be difficult to relocate work if you are used to working from home. Can you try relocating where you work in your flat though? presumably the kid is in the main living area most of the day so maybe the noise is less in the bedroom?
Thanks Sneaks. Good idea but this is the only place I can work due to a long-list of reasons. I guess I'll have to extend my gym hours to get rid of the anger. Or I could get someone to kidnap the kid until the end of June. He can then suddenly re-appear in a moses-basket after my submission date.
I know exactly what you're saying. My sister has one toddler and baby and she drops the off where I live everyday for whole afternoons. It's a case of gritting one's teeth and, if things get really desperate, using ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones (they're expensive but they work) - and it doesn't matter if you look like someone from an 80s sci-fi movie in your own home. Relocation is a good suggestion but, if you're like me, it may not be practical.
Sorry but as a mum I have to agree with the others! It's not a case of bad behaviour but really kids that age are full of energy and want to use it! I have three children in a flat and I would love to have a garden but unfortunately we don't - that doesn't mean that my son (my other two are too little!) has less energy to burn off though and on rainy days we stay in and annoy the neighbours! That said, I think it is reasonable for the child to wear slippers in doors (I insist on this although my upstairs neighbours who are "grown ups" and should know better don't and it drives me loopy so you have my sympathy!) FYI a 17 month old wouldn't fit in a moses basket. ;-)
