Hope you don't mind me having a moan, but I'm feeling really down at the moment, it's like an up and down pattern. I split up with my partner months ago now, we've stayed friends but she's moved on and I feel terrible. It reminds me how much I still love her and it makes me feel very low. I've moved back into my mum's house, and with my sister having two babies they cry a lot and demand a lot of attention - it can be quite distracting. But the problem is I can't get over the split no matter how hard I try and the life I had. I'm in my late twenties and I feel like a teenager again, trapped in the same daily grind. And I'm really lonely. Fridays and weekends are the worst. I just want to ring people up and talk to them. I want my PhD - I work as hard as I can. But I can't keep doing this for another year or so. Something has to give. It might sound pathetic but I have a lot of self-hatred going on at the moment, dark thoughts. I'm not sure if I'm clinically depressed or not, and I know it might sound soft, but I'm thinking of going to see my GP because things are little better than months ago. I just worry that things will always be this way and I just want to be happy.

======= Date Modified 17 Jul 2009 21:58:02 =======
You really shouldn't think of it as 'soft' to go and see your GP. Anyone can become depressed - I've been there myself (and yes, I did go to my doctor). From what you say about 'dark thoughts' it does sound like you might be suffering from depression.



And it certainly doesn't sound 'pathetic' to be finding things a struggle after the end of a serious relationship. Cut yourself some slack - you're entitled to be feeling low and you're entitled to do something about it. You shouldn't be feeling that you ought to be able to just 'get over it' (which it sounds like you do).

I know these are difficult days for you and my advice would be to make an appointment ASAP to see student welfare / counselling. It will not provide all the answers but it will be a great starting point and you'll feel much better for it, honestly. There can be no substitute for a relationship that we have cherished and lost but we can do things to help fill in parts of the hole. Try and establish a routine for your PhD but make time for other interests, especially at the weekends. I think from previous posts you may be a bit socially isolated (your friends being caught up in other things) and so try to develop some new friendships. Making new friends is not easy, that I can tell you, but it can be done but you'll need to be brave and put yourself out there.

Try to keep plugging away at the PhD but it is only part of your life and so give attention to the others aspects.

Please be kind to yourself and try to remember this is a difficult phase in your life but like all phases it will pass...eventually.

Hang in there!

Yes, I agree with the other 2 posts - you need to go and speak to someone professionally asap. It's really hard going to a counsellor, it's emotional and painful, but it will help. It sounds like you need some coping strategies, and need to regain some control over other parts of your life apart from your PhD, and a good counsellor will be able to help you with this. There are times in life when we just can't do it by ourselves, and need to call on professionals.

Your living situation also doesn't sound ideal - can you move into a share household with some other students? Try your uni's accommodation service. This could help with your isolation.

Good luck, and don't be too hard on yourself.