I know I'm new to these forums but I'd like some advice on this and I can't ask anyone I know for obvious reasons!

Over the last few months I have started to develop 'feelings' for my fiance's best friend. We meet up sometimes just the two of us, in the full knowledge of my fiance, for lunch etc. Initially this was purely innocent as we get on really well but recently I've grown to like him in a 'more than friends' way and I have a suspicion that he feels the same. It's got to the point that our meetings are becoming VERY flirty.

I really don't want anything to happen between us because my feelings for him are nowhere near those I feel for my fiance. It's more of a strong crush than anything, and I am definitely in love with my future husband. Even if I did stop meeting him alone I'd still have to see him regularly so I really need advice on how to get over a crush on your fiance's best friend!

It's probably just a phase and you'll suddenly wonder what you ever saw in him, I'd stop meeting one-on-one though, sounds a bit too dangerous to me.

i once read an essay in a magazine where the author argued that "nearly cheating" can be good for a healthy relationship. flirting with someone else may give you a feeling of still being desirable. it lets you know your worth on the dating marketplace. this feels good - and, it provides you with a real choice - you don't have to stick with your partner just because you don't really have any alternatives except becoming an old spinster. only if you have a real choice can you truly choose to stay with your partner. so, this essay argued, enjoy the flirty encounter but be aware of what you are doing and don't step across boundaries you'd later regret.
if you want to get over this crush quickly, i suggest you start seriously imagining what everyday, mundane life would be like with this other person. that should normally do the trick

Thanks guys. When I think about it, a relationship with him would pretty much suck. I'll just have to remember that the next time I see him and hopefully that will curb my feelings. It's just a bit worrying that my first 'other interest' since getting together with my fiance is his best friend! Calling it an awkward situation would be an understatement.

I love chocolate biscuits, but I don't want to get fat. If I simply do not buy any chocolate biscuits, I can't eat them and don't get fat. Remove the temptation or opportunity and you can't get into trouble. In your case, do not ever plan to be alone with this guy and you won't be able to do something you WILL regret later. Why on earth are you having 2-person lunch dates when you know they are risky?

I agree with Piglet. But don't create suspicion for your bf while doing this. Last thing you want is to ruin his trust to you and to his best friend. How about double-dates, can you introduce him to anyone and see how you feel in that situation? I agree with others too, so I won't be able to add much to this conversation. I wish you all the best in getting rid of these feelings and even one day smiling when you look back to this period in your life.

Okay, I'm going to stop going on what are effectively dates with him. That should solve a big part of the issue. Thanks piglet. As for the double dates suggestion, just to make you all think I am a total cow, he has a long term gf that I am quite good friends with.

I think a big cause of this whole situation is that I am bored. My work has taken over my life, and planning the wedding is taking up the rest of my thoughts and when I see this other guy it's exciting. I need to find something else to do.

Robber, I don't think you are a cow at all. You cannot help the way you feel about this guy, I just think you need to be careful if you are serious about marrying someone else. If you are really so keen on him that lunch-dates are becoming risky, then perhaps they are best avoided.

I know that even after several years in a happy relationship, there are still people who I think "Wow, under different circumstances, I could be really keen on you" about - both people I have known for a long time and people I have only just met. It is only human and I would be really concerned if I didn't ever get these feelings, because it would mean I had lost the ability to be attracted to other people...and the ability to attract other people!

if it's boredom that is the source of your problem, then perhaps a little hint to your partner might help. let him know! it could be pre-marital panic, too... so if your bf would just make a little extra effort, he might remind you why exactly you want to marry him.

have you considered that he might be feeling similarly? you could do something special for him, something you know he loves about you. then when he asks, "how have i earned this?" you explain that you think all these marriage preparations shouldn't take over your lives and mention your "boredom" and that you would actually appreciate some extra attention as well. and then wait to be surprised!

what a lovely and considerate idea shani. I hope you think so too robber.

Oooh that is a lovely idea. In addition to giving my relationship a well needed boost it will also give me something else to think about other than pining over the other man (good God I'm really becoming pathetic now!).

Thanks shani, how did you become so wordly wise?!

I'm having a similar situation. Recently got wind that my bf of 3 years will be "asking" soon and I think I'm a little nervous. Last week I met a friend of my cousin and I have a little crush. Right now I'm sort of mentally freaking out because I don't think I should be feeling interest like this. It doesn't help that for the last 7 1/2 months our relationship has had to be a bit of a distance one (2 hour drive). Robbers, I'm not trying to take over your thread or anything, but everyone seems to have good advice in this one!!