Hi guys, I'm feeling so down at the moment, I have no motivation to feel like I can carry on with PhD-ing or anything in general right now. I've just had the worst week and a half possible. Work is stagnating after slogging hard for two weeks. I managed to achieve nothing last week practically wise, which is worrying when I'm due to finish in September. A close family member of mine is in hospital with heart failure which is likely to be either surgery or the whole how long is a piece of string to the next event, then the medical profession may not be able to save her next time. On top of that I've just split up with my boyfriend of 3 years, I feel very hurt and adrift, its worse as its me who called it a day and he's now started turning to emotional blackmail. He was complaining he could only put up with my phd. I have no idea why he resents my studies so much he's always been so supportive in the past! :-( . To make matters worse my supervisor is back tomorrow from maternity leave, has no idea about my project and doesn't like me. why does it always rain all the rubbish at once!!!

I know you probably feel time pressured because you want to finish in September, but perhaps it would be worth taking a few days leave? Sometimes a decent rest makes you more productive than you would have been if you'd carried on going in out of a sense of obligation (I speak from experience!)

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I hope things pick up soon.

Crikey, splitting up must have been awful :(
Sorry to hear about your troubles... I wont advise on anything, as I tend to sway towards the 'if you don't like it, quit' camp. Do what feels right :)

Thank you for the comments. I have taken to doing the minimum amount of work this week and not really going into the department and trying to sort out catching up with friends I haven't seen in a long time. Has made me feel a lot better, though its looking like this split with my boyfriend is not going to be straight-forward or simple (when are they?).Least I'm starting to feel a bit better, might even do some writing later. Though I wouldn't put money on that. :p

======= Date Modified 30 May 2009 14:06:24 =======
Hi Yellowtreble,

I too am supposed to finish in September 2009 (my registration ends then) and I'm also feeling the pressure to get everything/most of it done by then.

I have to say that when I read your post, it made me think about my own 'breakup' with a partner (of then 5 years) during my first PhD year (although we're back together now). I was a complete mess and subsequently failed my upgrade.

Although I'm pleased to say after a very short break apart from each other, that we're back together again (and I passed my upgrade) I still feel the pain from that break up. My partner ended things in 2007 as he felt that I made him feel that we we're not in a relationship. I attibuted this to my PhD study and I spent AGES blaming myself for making the decision to move to a different place (about 50miles away) to do a PhD, and my work suffered massively (ie upgrade failure). I lost loads of weight as I simply couldn't eat (2stones I think in about 3 months), I used to walk for miles and miles and I was very unhappy and tired all the time. Before PhD, we spoke about babies and marriage etc and I ended up hating myself for doing this PhD as he is incredibly important to me. I think it took about 8 months after the initial breakup before I was back to my normal self (in terms of productive work minus the sobbing!), so my PhD has suffered.

Having said that, through that break up, we both know where we stand and he knows how much he means to me. I think he questioned how I felt about him etc etc. But I did wonder why he seemed to resent my education (I'm finishing my fourth degree). He also continues to be incredibly supportive (and values my PhD more than I do!), but at the time, I did wonder whether he had some level of confidence crisis in himself because he doesnt have a degree. I wondered whether he felt that I needed to find someone else who has similar educational attirbutes (PhD etc) but he couldn't be more wrong! I think he needed to see how desperately upset I was when he decided to end it as some kind of sign as to how much he means to me (sounds cruel now if that is the reason!). We've been together now for nearly 7 years (although I've known him for nearly 10 years) and we're looking forward to stuff after my PhD (which I'm soo looking forward to).

Anyway, I'm sorry that things are so bad at the moment. Bad things always tend to happen at once for me as well!.

I think it would be a good idea to take a break from it all. I also constantly fall into the trap of thinking that my supervisors don't like me. Whether its true or not, I just try and take a day as it comes and try to work to my work plan.

Just wanted to say that I know where your coming from and I can totally empathize. Hang in there!

Oh, and don't let him stop you from acheiving your PhD. If it's what you want to do, then don't let him stop you.

Thank you pinneapple!
Things are slowly improving but its very much one step forward several back. It's just nice to know i'm not alone.

:-)

I know this may sound like crap advice but life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes the downs can be long and hard but eventually they give way to sunshine... and when they do, you'll be glad you stayed strong and finished what you started.