Hello guys,
over the last couple of days, my fiance has a new supervisee in his office, a woman of his "type" and he enjoys her smiles and glances, he finds her very intelligent, sweet etc. My University is in another city and I go in only now and again. This has as a result me staying many hours at home while he is at work, without having my own "life" apart from working hard and obssessing about the situation he is in. I trust him that no matter how strong this attraction is or will be in the future, he will never cheat on me or anything like that. Still, I feel jealous he spends so much time and works so close to a very attractive woman. In general he is serious in the office (not very talkative/smiley etc) but with her its different maybe because she is also very "sweet" with him. Am I irrational?

Not at all. I suggest you seduce your man tonight with some lingerie and whatnot. That'll make you feel better. Always worked for me.

Thanks roopa! I had a feeling everyone would tell me I am crazy. So, have you been in this position before?

scamp, I think I can understand and relate to your problem. I too work from home and go to the uni (at another town) once every two months or so. So this makes me so isolated, where as my boyfriend has his own life at work, this new "sweet" person in his office, and his new and old friends that he can always spare time for. I think the situation explains itself doesn't it? Maybe the best thing is to go out and see people more often. Meet people for lunch breaks, and come back to your work after this break. Don't be available all the time, look after yourself, meet new people, carry some of your research elsewhere instead of being at your desk all the time (when I say these to you, I am also saying to myself). I started swimming regularly about 2 months ago. Giving priority to something else for a change helped me a lot. I recommend something similar to make you have a life outside your PhD.

I absolutely agree with 404. I ended a 3 year relationship 5 months ago, and after a lot of depression and thinking, the most important thing I've learnt since then is that you cannot have a good lasting relationship unless you do things for yourself first, and get to know yourself. Then you'll be comfortable with yourself. My ex and I were extremely close, but if both of us learnt to deal with problems ourselves more, then our relationship wouldn't have been so bad.

I wasn't in the same position as you, in fact we were the opposite. But I suppose the same lesson is to be learnt.

Do things for yourself and he'll want you more.

Thank you both for your replies! Its true that when I keep myself busy with other activities/friends etc., every problem seems to be smaller as its not the centre of my world anymore. Being in the house for so long makes me loose perspective. I will go to the Uni more often from now on and start doing things that do not invlolve my boyfriend... although at the moment, I still feel uncomfortable about this new perosn

404, I think I overread that. Does your boyfriend have a "sweet" person at work too?

I'm sure you've nothing to worry about: if he was up to anything suspicious with this girl, the last thing he would be doing is telling you about her. However it's not very tactful of your partner to tell you how great this girl is: he should know that the natural female reaction to this would be a little insecurity.

So don't worry, but remind him that you don't really need to hear about her!

Thanks juno. I really hate feeling like that. We have been together for 2 years and this is the only time that something like that comes up. I used to laugh at people who were jealous of their partners' THOUGHTS (not actions) about other people. Now its my turn to experience that!

my bloke is always telling me how the women at his workplace think he is great because he is so friendly, helpful and nice.

I tell him, I wish they could see what you were like at home.....

Scamp, I am not proud of my thoughts and feelings but I cannot hide it. I have felt jealous in 1000 situations. I dont like seeing my boyfriend looking at other women, smiling to other women, knowing that he is attracted by other women in any shape and form. I am 100% possesive and maybe 100% irrational. You say he likes her "glances", her smile etc.; that would be enough for me to drive me crazy! I am the only one that my boyfriend should like seeing smile, not to mention the eyes thing at all! He is truthful to you though. Most men have these feelings and never tell their girlfriends. So, I think you should trust him. His actions at least! Not sure about his thoughts though. I know I should calm you down instead but this is what I feel and believe.

H, you have ever felt jealousy for a woman (at his work or anywhere else)?

It's biological. We like to think that we appeal to opposite sex even if we no intention of taking it any further. Likewise, it is also a male necessity to look at other women (with no intention of doing anything). All men do it, it's just that some hide it better than others.

sylvester, wouldnt you feel bad if your girlfriend was getting pleasure by staring, smiling with another man at her job? A man that she found attractive and intelligent and sweet etc?

Well one of his best mates at work is a woman and recently I got slightly worried about what her intentions were. She broke up with her bf a short while ago and says things like "why can't I find a guy like you" to him.

I trust my bloke 101% but I don't even know her or what she is capable of and more importantly how she feels about him.

However he was bitching about her the other day so I guess I have nothing to be worried about....

Maybe you should talk to your bf about how you feel, it would be nice to get reassured!