This is nothing to do with work, just wanted to get a few opinions.

If you go to visit someone you know, and you knock on their door, they open it, you say hi, they said hi, maybe you then greet their dog/cat/small child who also came to the door, what happens if there is another person in the room who also lives in the house? Should they say hello first, or should you?

I haven't ever thought about that, because usually the 'hellos' would just be spontaneous when the person was invited in, I think. However, if I was in the room and my partner brought a visitor in, I would certainly offer a 'hello' if the other person hadn't. I think it would be pretty odd for either party not to say hello.

There is absolutely no rule here! The quickest person will get it in first!

Thanks all. I agree, it's an odd situation. Normally these things happen without thinking about it!

I think the thing is, the other person won't say hello at all if I don't say it. I do say hello after, say, 30 seconds, but it feels awkward because I'm wondering why they didn't say anything when I came in, when I'm kind of saying hello to the people in front of me, but it's also a kind of general hello that people usually respond to.

I guess I'm being made to feel like I'm in the wrong, whereas I think that this person shouldn't be waiting for me to greet them, specifically, individually, first.

Sounds like they're being a bit of a twit!

Maybe they have a very shy personality or similar-it may not be done intentionally to make you feel uncomfortable.The thing is not to worry too much about it all and just to do what you think is polite and then move on.

That is so true - certainly a possibility. For some reason, when I was picturing it, I imagined that there was some sort of conflict between Tree of Life and this person, and that this person was therefore refusing to be the first one to say Hi. I guess it depends entirely on the circumstances. It was very jumping to conclusions for me to say they were "being a twit". Reminds me actually of a situation with someone I know. People thought he was cold and aloof and that he thought he was "cool". But actually he was very shy - they just didn't know this.

It's not that this person is doing it intentionally. He is a quiet person, but he's not especially shy.

It's my sister's partner of a year or two. He has told my sister that he thinks I should say hello directly to him when I come in. There's no conflict between us exactly, but we don't really speak much in any other situation either. He doesn't initiate or participate in other conversations between me and my sister when we are all in the same room, or when other people are there either. Even if I try to include him, I don't get much back by way of conversation. He doesn't ask how I am, or ask me about work or what I have been up to or things like that. If I ask him, I get a few words back and the conversation goes nowhere.

I think he is a bit of a twit Tudor to be honest, but there isn't a lot I can do. The joys of in laws I guess.

I could make more of an effort for my sister; be the bigger person and all that I suppose.

He does seem to have some sort of chip on his shoulder then. I know someone like this too actually - a family member (by blood!). It is very challenging because he will often criticize and say "you should do x", "you shouldn't say it like that", "you should have done so and so", about things similar to this. And we have to put him right about it by saying "no, it is perfectly fine that so and so said X...". It is annoying.

I guess you could say Hello in an exaggerated manner and bow down to his feet saying "is everything ok your highness? Did I say it on time? Are you happy to respond to my greeting, was everything in order?". But then that would just cause trouble with your sister so probably better not to! It might be worth just not bothering to initiate much conversation with him beyond that initial hello though. Otherwise it will just always be the same - you doing all the hard work to initiate and maintain a conversation (and probably being criticized for what you say afterwards).

What does your sister think about the idea of who says hello first? She would be the ideal person to put him in his place on it!

I've just reread and think I sound a bit aggressive (I've felt a bit like that lately!). Just carry on as you are would probably be the more assertive and grown up approach : )

Haha Tudor, don't worry, I know what you mean! I sort of feel like why should I put effort in when he's not? And it really annoys me. But I know I should suck up and get on with it.

My sister isn't sure where the issue is, but since this is the first time in my life I've come across this, I don't feel like it's me.

And you probably know what it's like when it comes to people's partners sometimes - they are often blindsided by them.

Yes, that's a good thing to go on - if you've never had issues raised about your manner of greeting before then must be a pretty good sign that it's OK! : )

Yep, there's family, then there's the family you choose, and then there's the family your family choose... !