Hello...

I'm devastated. My boyfriend of 5 years has broken up with me. He said that its due to him wanting to establish himself. He has felt really inadequate next to me (PhD, MScs) and his pride has been hurt as a result, so needed to break things off. He was my everything; my world. We've promised to remain best friends, and hes asked me to promise him that I would stay in his life, which I have done. We had plans to marry and have many babies. I would have done anything for him.

Has anyone got any advice? I'm finding it really hard; i cant eat, sleep and i physically feel sick/ill and ache all over. PhD work really is not my priority anymore.

Really sorry to hear that. I'm thinking of you.

Really sorry to hear that.. I doubt that there is anything anyone can really say that will make you feel better as something like this is extremely personal and the upset takes time to subside.. What I would suggest if work is not your priority and you are struggling to get anything done then take some time out, visit some family or friends and get a change of scene and be surrounded by people in an attempt to refocus again.

i know how unbearably painful break ups can be and nothing anyone says can help, but try thinking about the future and how bright it is for you, not easy i know, surround yourself with friends and family, get a change of scenery, keep telling yourself it will get easier, often being friends with the person makes it harder to begin with so try get some distance.
A PhD is important but if you need time to yourself dont feel bad about that, it will still be there when your ready.

Probably not going to want to hear this but I say you have had a lucky escape. If someone loves you then they support you in things that make you complete they don't just say 'I need some me time'. They recognise that there is a time fir everyone and at the moment this is your time and in return you would support him later when it becomes his time. There is no room for ego's and pride in a healthy relationship. His pride, at this time, should have been in you. He knew what you were taking on and now decides he's not happy..what a ****. As for having babies well thats when you really do find you are bottom of the priority list so theres no way he would have coped with that! Take a deep breathe and look forwards..there is better out there that will recognise your worth (hugs)

oh pineapple... have a big hug! (((pineapple)))

did you see it coming, at all? was your relationship troubled in any way? it seems scary if it came out of the blue.

allow your emotions. this is a significant thing happening to you. there is no need to be all sensible about it if you don't feel like being sensible. do you know the "5 stages of grief" model?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
it speaks of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. don't get additionally upset at yourself for going through any of these phases! i once had a 5 year relationship that broke up - i lived in denial for about a year.
get help if you need it, ok?

Sorry to hear about this pineapple, sounds really really really crap.

Big hug.

His excuses are just lame, more like he's jealous of your achievements rather than being proud of them. It will take time to get over it, 5 years is a very long time, just take one day at a time. Maybe thinking about your work will get your mind off it for a few minutes. Even better, take a week or two off and visit family/friends who live far away?

so sorry to hear this

It's such a tough one, I hope you'll find the best way to recover from the horrible feelings. I think we all can understand and relate to the pain. I wish we could make it disappear for you, but it's not possible. At least try to come to forum to get things out of your chest when you feel down. You'll always get sincere and friendly replies from people.

big hug to you...

Big hug from me too Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better but you will get over this in time. It's a cliche but it's true that time heals, although you probably won't believe it now as the pain is still so raw. Try to look after yourself and be with people who will look after you and let you pour your heart out to them.

You should be proud of your achievements and your partner should be proud of them too. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about your success. I agree with others, while it's good to stay friends, limit or avoid contact for now or it will make it much harder to move on. All best wishes for the future.

I agree with dazednconfused. Love is all about giving. Sometimes happens that you walk for a while with someone, but at a certain point you take different paths. One grows and the other one doesn't.
It is hard to accept this after you have invested five years of your life to build what you thought it was a strong relationship. However, I can tell you in my little experience that this is just the end of a cycle and - although now it seems impossible - you will build that dream, perhaps with someone new, who can appreciate you.
You have all my sympathy and a big, cuddly hug.

I will just send you a big hug...((((*pineapple*)))).

Big hug from me too, my dear. There is not really anything anyone can say -it's such a personal thing and you'll feel different day by day. Do take care of yourself. x

Thank you for all your replies. I do appreciate it! Despite whats happened, hes been great in being so supportive since it all happened. The five years of my life I was with him was purely the best years of my life. I would have done anything for him. All I wanted was to make him happy and give him loads of children; now I have to accept that it will never happen. He wanted to break things off to focus on himself and himself alone and to develop his self worth through his career etc. I just hope he wont regret his decision. I believe that material things; which hes going for, shouldnt be the be all and end all. I also believe there should be a balance between work/material stuff and emotional stuff like a relationship. I wasnt expecting it-well things have been funny for a while-hes been distant for months; I never thought it would end, but he wants to remain best friends with me for all time; and thats good enough for me at the mo.

i always say, you'll meet someone much better. try to move on. its hard i know, but like Ann says.... you'll get over it with time. we all do.

hi there. i too have broken up with my partner. only last week. i too felt devastated and didnt think i could cope. then i found a fantastic book with mind programming cd - "i can heal your broken heart" by paul mckenna. its the most amazing thing i have ever read. i read it yesterday!! and i feel so much more positive today. Buy it - you must, i cant tell you how much it has helped. i felt close to suicide and now i can see a future. good luck xx