It's a bit morbid - I apologise - and I know I'll regret it.... but this recurring problem has reared its ugly head. Should I go to the dr for anti-depressants or continue to live with what I believe to be bi-polar disorder? I have 'episodes' - and one bad one tonight - I cope quite well then freak out followed by the only way I know of calming down: getting completely drunk. Am that now.

The thing is I've always been so scared of being medicated - but I'm really not altogether stable. This may sound a bit heavy... sorry again :(

Hello, please don't suffer in silence, visit the Dr for advice if nothing else. My mother suffers from the condition (acutely) so although I don't know what it's like inside your head, I have watched someone swing between dizzying highs and bottomless lows all my life. I can understand your concerns about medicating. I've flushed away many pills because my mother threatened to take too many, and they can be addictive if you are that way inclined. But if you suffer from a chemical imbalance, medication may be the only way to 'level you out'. You know the low will pass, but when you're at the bottom looking up it looks like a very steep incline. Only you can make the decision about medicating. Keep strong, FFxx

I'm surviving one low to the next hoping that my weirdness and scariness hasn't affected those around me too much. It's not spoken about, but I try to apologise sometimes. Screaming is not good.

Las time I visited the dr it was about something else, then I did the classic, 'and another thing...'. She told me we had run out of time and I would have to make another appointment... I didn't.

Thank-you for replying FF. Even my nearest and dearest don't get it. It was probably as scary for you as it is for me. I'll make the phone call tomorrow x

Good luck insomniac, you are doing the right thing. Hope the Dr is helpful.

You probably already saw this, but in case you missed it:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/tv_and_radio/secretlife_index.shtml

You're in good company (not that it can be much comfort when you're down).

I know it's not a huge help - but I am sending you a big hug. I am always advocate of meds as a last resort, but this is someting I know nothing about. I think its good and very brave you have asked advice & told people on the forum. & I think you should go and speak to your GP. xxx

My ex-flatmate was bi-polar. She had it pretty bad and did a lot of the bad risk taking stuff, taking drugs, drinking, sleeping around etc. She was on medication but didn't always take it, I could always tell when she was taking it properly- it made a huge difference. Got to be worth a try before a "manic" phase gets a bit out of control. Hope you are ok.

Definately go to the GP. It might not be medication they offer, maybe something else like cognitive behavioural therapy which can be really helpful. About one third of the population suffers from a mental health problem at any one time, so its very common and nothing you should just have to put up with in silence

Hi insomniac. How are you feeling today? If you haven't already done so, have a look at this site: http://www.psychotherapy.org.uk/. As well as getting info, you can find a therapist near you, and arrange an introductory session. Most therapists have concessions for students and people on low income (if you decide to see one regularly).

Although I feel foolish atm, I don't regret sharing (with you lot anyway). The dr, however, was rubbish. After very little sleep I phoned at 8am, managed to get an appointment at half past, which didn't give me enough time to talk myself out of it again. She asked me some questions but didn't explain anything and then before I knew it I was leaving with a phone number that I'm supposed to ring to arrange counselling or something...

My self-diagnosis is that I have lived in a manic state since about the age of 17, punctuated by rare lows. When I was younger it wasn't a problem, but now (32) I'm just SO tired.

The thing is, I'll probably be back to 'normal' by next week, it's just that I'm only now beginning to realise that my normal isn't the same as everyone else's.

Thank-you for your advice and especially the hugs.

Hi Insommniac, you're not a pain at all! I can completely empathise with how you're feeling as I have a similar problem myself. It's horrible when you feel you loose control and it makes you feel even worse when you know it's difficult for those around to understand. It's aggravated even further by the fact you can't explain to others why you have sudden spirals down. I wish I could say there's a full proof recipe, a magic pill to make things immediately better. All I can say is it takes time and patience. Often talking things through, though it can raise issues, does help. But trust me the up spells do get longer and eventually the dark episodes will disappear. Most importantly, you're not alone and there are people who want to support and help you! Big, big hug!

Thank you d x
I can't really express myself very well at the moment - I've been thinking a lot about my behaviour, recent and past, and it's left me reeling... I don't know how I've made it this far. Weirdly, I hadn't thought to read up about it til this week either, but that has helped a lot (thanks juno). The most positive thing I've learned is that there's hope for me yet

Anytime you want reassurance you should come on here: we're not "proper" doctors, but I understand that you may often feel frightened and lonely, and we can help with that.

May also be an idea to investigate local support groups in your area: there is bound to be at least one, given how common this condtion is.

Yes we're here to support you

Hi. I have moderate depression, and on anti-depressants...I was suicidle for a time earlier this year. My tablets have kicked in, and I am feeling better than ever, so go for it.