Hi all,

As fair warning, this is a tired rant and nothing more. I'm thinking of giving up my PhD of seven years and counting, despite the fact I've had my viva and have to resubmit in 4.5 months.

My PhD has been a poster child for how they shouldn't happen - five different supervisors (one of which I removed since he wasn't doing anything at all, and another who left after using me as a pawn in her career), a threat of being sued by one supervisor for theft of academic property (on studies in my own PhD which I hadn't even designed and conducted), a complete lack of feedback on chapters by another, and finally my viva which was the most emotionally traumatic event in my life (which also revealed that my 'expert' supervisor was approximately 15 years behind the times). In it my internal show-boated to the externals and was told by the moderator to drop a point he was hammering home and move on. I have to revise and resubmit and will have another viva, with all chapters needing work.

The fact is, that whilst I'm technically 'close' I've barely done anything on it, because I simply don't care now. I don't care about the letters after my name, I'll take no pride in my thesis being bound, and every day I have to drag myself out of bed even to think about doing the PhD revisions.

The only reason I even try to continue is because I can't think of another way to earn a living (having already got a part-time job as an academic). I will feel a sense of regret at not finishing my PhD but the process has destroyed so much of me and I'm filled with so much rage and bitterness about my experiences. If I could think of another source of income to live and raise a family, I'd quit right now.

/rant over

Thanks for reading, sorry for the bad vibes.

Sartois.

Seriously well done for getting this far. Many would have quit a long time ago so your determination to finish is seriously impressive.

I'd take a few days break. Then write a list of what must be done and what can be dropped. Then chip away and cross it off.

Keep going and you will get there.

Sartois, thanks for sharing your experience. I have had three supervisors, one of whom I never met, and he decided to resign last year. I did not even have a chance to say hello or goodbye to him ! Like you, I have to submit in less than six months. I just hope I have the courage to carry on. There must be an end to this !

As a long time lurker and very occasional contributor to this forum, it seems the advice for anyone that has reached breaking point is typically "recharge and gain some perspective."

I think this is generally good advice, but shouldn't be rolled out as a blanket solution to every problem a PhD candidate faces. Individual candidates need to be circumspect and decide whether the financial, intellectual, and emotional investments made are justified in terms of personal and vocational aspirations. (This paragraph is general commentary rather than an observation about your situation specifically.)

It sounds like you've been through hell to reach the point you're at; and the toll the process takes should not be underestimated.

In your particular circumstances I'd suggest the only sensible way out is through. You've invested so much time and energy that withdrawing at this late stage would be devastating. Any sense of relief, I'd argue, would be temporary; and you'd likely look back with regret.

It sounds like you've been let down in several regards, at the level of supervision especially. I think you should therefore cultivate a **** you attitude to sustain motivation.

Assuming you have clear instructions about the corrections needed, you should approach revisions systematically and do precisely what the examiners state. You don't need to enjoy the process. You simply need to do what's asked, attain the qualification, and look back with pride that you overcame substantial obstacles to earn the title. While it may not seem that way, you've done the majority of the work and should have explicit instructions about what's needed to finish.

Upon doing so, you'll gain a greater sense of closure on the process. (Your journey sounds more arduous than that of candidates with attentive and well informed supervisors.) Make succeeding in spite of the ways you've been let down a priority.

Best of luck!

Hi all,

Thanks for your replies, they're much appreciated. I have started work on my PhD again, and the primary motivation hasn't really been external (i.e. more money, more free time, or even the amount of time I've put in, etc), it's been internal. Basically I'm refusing to let myself be beaten by my PhD and, by association, my hideous supervision and circumstances (I've also developed, and now thankfully contained, an incurable inner ear disease).

It's not the most positive motivation in the world, but it'll do. :)

Sartois

Hi, sorry to hear that you have experienced the PhD research the way you did. Great to hear you are going to see this through though. I also think that if you would quit now, you might be reliefed for a bit but might then regret it. Look at the good date you have, try to find the motivation again for why you even did your experiments/research and try to implement suggested changes. Maybe ask someone external to look over your work. Good look, and hang in there!

Hi all,

I thought I'd provide an update on my corrections - well, the first thing would be that I'm still here! After going through a period of thinking of giving up on a daily basis, I decided to continue it - mainly because I was determined not to let it beat me. This has been helped by the fact that I've managed to get an extension which will help a lot, or at least give me a fighting chance.

I can't pretend I'm not anxious about it and a potential second viva, but I don't wake up with the blinding rage I had before. It's now been replaced by a desire to get it out of my life as soon as possible, and get my life back...

Sartois.

It is better to go for the second viva rather than looking back and regret after few years. Please do not give up. stay strong and finish the ph.d. I wish you all the best.

It's disgraceful how universities are set up in such a way as to ignore family life. Have you thought of raising this issue with your Equality Officer, or student union rep? These things need to change.