I posted a few months ago about a difficult situation: Basically my fiance cheated and abandoned me, and I lost our home and mutual friends because of this, I had to move into a grotty place all alone and I was completely isolated, I felt like I was too old to rebuild my entire life and I became extremely depressed, and I got behind with thesis writing. The university and my supervisor piled on the pressure, and I had to extend my PhD at my own expense. I have no income now my funding has expired, and I'm completely broke so I can hardly afford to eat. I just cracked under the strain, and I've been suspended from university for almost 12 months with clinical depression.

I posted back in September when I was trying to pull myself together, but it's only in the last few weeks that I started to feel significantly better and get on with things, it's still hard but at least I'm making some progress now. Part of that is because I started forcing myself to go out, I joined an am-dram group and I started dating a really nice guy who is trying to help me with thesis writing - he actually took time off work to help with my data analysis :)

Now my problem is this: I'm due back at university (suspension ended) on March 1st, and my submission date is May 15th, I'm terrified they'll say I haven't got enough time to complete due to getting behind before I was suspended, and they'll kick me out. Previously my supervisor was supportive, but I feel like she just got sick of me not progressing due to depression and has washed her hands of me, she's hasn't responded to any of my recent emails and hasn't seen me since June 2009. I can sort of understand, because I've been struggling and not making significant progress for 18 months now, and I guess she just got sick of me :( My other supervisor left, so I only have one supervisor now, and she obviously hates me :'(

I don't see how I can complete without her support, or how I can complete in the little time I have left anyway. My supervisor said they won't approve an additional extension - but I haven't had an extension, I had a suspension, which isn't the same! I'm hoping that due to the nature of my absence they can be persuaded to let me come back part-time instead of full-time, which would extend the number of weeks remaining, and would also mean that I won't be dropped head-first into the final few weeks of my PhD, which I simply cannot cope with.

I just feel like everyone hates me for having been depressed and not being able to keep up with work (especially my supervisor), I hate myself for wasting so much time with depression and now not having time to complete, I feel panicky and nauseated, and the depression is returning because I'm so worried about it all. Can anyone please offer any constructive advice? :'(

If your supervisor is ignoring you is there a more senior academic that you could contact, either the head of department/school, or the head of PG studies? Your supervisor shouldn't ignore you like this, and the situation needs to be resolved. Email someone who can help.

Good luck.

Well done for getting back on the PhD wagon. How about going to see your supervisor and asking her to set out a plan of action for completion - that way she can see you are serious about completing and want to be organised about it. It also means after each mini-deadline she can contact you about it and you can also contact her.

Good luck!

I think you need to be persistent and arrange a meeting with your supervisor, and then tell her what you've told us. Be honest with her, explain the difficulties you've had, but now you're back on track and are willing to work hard to get the thesis finished, but want to go part-time (which sounds like a really sensible idea to me). And you're right, an extension can't be compared with a suspension - and most of us get extensions, and you should too! Are you seeing a counsellor at uni? If not, maybe you should, so that they could write you letters of support for you going part-time and getting an extension.

Don't assume your supervisor hates you - she might be avoiding you, which is all the more reason why you need to have a really honest conversation with her. But thinking she hates you will taint the relationship even more. How much does she know of your situation? Maybe she doesn't really understand?

It's fabulous that you're starting to feel better, and have a plan for progressing. Well done, you! Just take one thing at a time, make a call to your supervisor to arrange a meeting time, try and see a counsellor if you're not already, then think about what you need to say to her. You'll get there! Good luck!

Mlis, you have faced a really difficult set of situations, combined on top of the difficulties of undertaking a Phd and have become depressed. None of this is "your fault". However, many of the thoughts (the language you are using in your posts) suggest that you are still partly in the negative thinking cycle that comes with, and helps sustain depression. Again-not your fault-just something that happens.

You did not 'waste time' with depression. You were ill. Now you have really taken some fantastic steps to improve your situation and help yourself heal, you have what sounds to be a wonderful and supportive new partner and you are looking -realistically- at what you can do to move on and complete your Phd. What a champion you are!! How hard is that! Don't in any way be down on yourself about your experiences. Sure- what you have been through "sucked big time"! It hasn't stopped you has it? Give yourself credit for coming through a really difficult time and still being fairly close to the finish despite it all.(gift)

However, as you yourself have said, and other respondents have indicated, there are some practical steps you need to do to ensure that you continue to stay well and move on-and to finish this Phd-even if it does take a bit longer (and I bet if serious really big surveys and studies were carried out on Phd's-they would reveal that many, many students would take longer than the 'set time'-just no one wants to dwell on that part, is all).

Other posters have given you some really practical and good advice based on their experiences- I can't do that at present not being at that stage yet. However, I can suggest that you not only talk to your supervisor but find out who else at your institution is there to help and support you in this journey. There will be advisors, post-grad counsellors or someone who is neutral, who can help talk you through this process- help you frame up what you are going to say to the 'sup' and support you as you meet with your supervisor. A piece of advice I often give to senior high school students when they are really worried about a particular subject or its teacher and need to discuss something significant with them, is to take a supportive friend with them and to rehearse what they are going to say beforehand.

Do whatever it is that helps you get through this-however, don't worry unnecessarily about what the supervisor thinks-she probably doesn't think too much about it at all and is just busy, stressed and has her own issues (academic life can be really stressful as well- its certainly not the 'nice work' (David Lodge-reference) job it was once back in the twentieth century!). This is not said, by the way, to make you start thinking about the supervisor or her perspective-that is not important at present-it is just said to give a broader perspective.

What is important is you- your health and happiness, your Phd and taking some action steps to help yourself out of this challenge. All power to you :-)

Hey Mlis! First off, it's good to hear that things are getting a bit better for you. I won't bore you with my long history with bipolar disorder again (mainly the depressive side) except to tell you that I had to drop out of uni three times a few years ago, and have since managed to get back on my feet, and get through my 3rd year undergrad, MSc, and to where I am now (2nd year PhD) without taking any more extended periods off. So it can be beaten, and you will get through it. People can be funny with things like depression- there is an awful lot of ignorance surrounding it. There are 2 of us in my team at work who suffer with depression, and my supervisor has reacted in very different ways to each of us. With me, she has been fantastic- patient, understanding, supportive, everything I could ask for. With the other person she has been horrible- she has cut them off, withdrawn support, and doesn't make any effort to keep in touch. The only difference I can find between us is that I have always been upfront with my supervisor about my difficulties- I have had to be. I have always let her know if things are starting to go downhill, I keep in touch, and that way she know where I'm at. The other person was less straight about it and just disappeared off the scene with little explanation as to what the issue was or why the work wasn't getting done. I really think it is beneficial to speak to your supervisor and let them know what's happening, and what you are able to do, how you are getting back into your work etc, and ask them for their support. In addition, find out exactly where you stand with respect to eligibility for an extension so that you can stop worrying about the uncertainty. And get some support from elsewhere too- I have been seeing a uni counsellor for 6 years now, and I wouldn't have got through everything if I hadn't been able to go there, I really wouldn't. I don't suppose anyone likes to feel that they 'need counselling', but it has helped me no end, just having somewhere to go and spill. Finally- try to be nice to yourself, you have handled a horrifically shitty situation and you are coming out the other end now. You deserve a break, so try to stop giving yourself a hard time! Easier said than done, I know. Best wishes, KB

Mlis - kudos on sorting out some of the stuff ... without sounding harsh, just remember it is how you deal with stuff is how you get thro'. This thing called life is a f**ker for throwing sh!t at us!

I would agree with what has been said - why would anyone hate you? You were ill and if you had to be a logical chemist about it, the sheer fact is that some people have enough serotonin, others don't (I am in the latter grade meself). Be confident in yourself - if there is anything to be confident, it is the fact that you have picked yourself up from the canvas after a punch below the belt!

Enough on the analogies - you have to call a meeting with your supervisor, even if it was just to apologise and then to set up a second meeting to state where you are and how you intend to get this PhD out the gap! Of course you are worried over her reaction but if you set up two meetings (one to clear the air, the second one to actually kick-start the process again), I think you will find that you'll get back into a routine. If it means imposing tight deadlines, so what? You are capable and hey, you have one brilliant and often overlooked resource - friends!!!

You said that you joined an Am Dram society - when is the debut(up)
Maybe an application of some acting techniques to get you over the hump of meeting with people. I don't know about you, but the confidence is a problem here but if you look at most people who SEEM to be confident, they will admit it is 90% act! Not saying you fake, lie or bulls!!t (Never a good idea!) but just even some techniques to calm the nerves ... deep breathing and sipping water are actually physical uppers and not old wives tales!

In the words of Rob Schneider in "The Waterboy" ... You can do it! :p

Mlis you've done so well, you should be proud of yourself for fighting back like this! I had a year off during my undergrad for mental health problems and I know how terrifying it can be to try and rebuild your life, the am dram sounds like a fantastic idea (and so brave!).

The frustrating thing is that if you'd had a physical illness and come back from it, everyone would be openly patting you on the back and trying to help, with mental illness though I think people often just don't understand. It could be that your supervisor has backed off because she felt frustrated and unable to help you, she may be at a loss for how to handle things. Not that that excuses her behaviour (bottom line, you have done nothing wrong and she ought to be helping you) but it might help you to understand that her reaction really does say more about her than you.

I'd second everyone's suggestions, demand a meeting with her and be really upfront. Explain how bad you were health-wise and highlight the steps you've taken to get back on track now you're better. Detail what you've done recently (such as the data analysis) and explain where you're going with the project next. Could you maybe even prepare a work chart to show how you see your schedule panning out with the proposed part time study? I'd hope that if you go in with a constructive plan your supervisor will rally and get back on your side.

Is there maybe someone in student support who you could go to to check out the regs regarding extensions and so on? They may also be able to advise you on what to do if your supervisor does continue to shirk her responsibilities. Hopefully you won't need their intervention but it might be reassuring to know there's someone to help fight your corner.

Keep us posted :-)

It's brilliant to know that you're getting back on your feet. You need to go straight up the ladder on this one - you had time off due to illness but that is not a reason for you to be left without supervision. Contact your director of grad research and head of dept, as well as the appropriate support services to tell them what's going on. You need to show that you're keen to get back on track and that with support you intend to try to submit in time. Outline perhaps where you're at with work and how you intend to get things done in the time available. Also, you need to clarify the distinction between an extension and a suspension: if you suspend with illness you should not be expected to work during that time and the extension would be because of the time you lost before you suspended. The dept will want you submit because it's bad for them to have unfinished PhDs on their records. Make your voice heard in a positive way and people will be positive about the fact that you're recovering. Best of luck. xx

Thanks for the kind words everyone. A fortnight has now passed and my supervisor hasn't responded to my repeated emails. My second supervisor has left the university without even a goodbye and I haven't been allocated a new one. It's one month until I'm due back at university and I'm panicking because I have so much thesis work still to do - I'm terrified that they'll kick me out, or simply won't allow me extra time to catch up on the time I lost before I was absent with depression. I feel like my supervisor hates me because he's just completely ignoring me. So although I was trying to get back on track and cope with depression, I'm now finding myself feeling panicky and struggling to do anything again.

I've made an appointment to see my doctor, to discuss how she thinks I should go about getting back to work. I'm hoping she will help me write a letter to the university, saying I should ease into it slowly by going back part-time, and maybe she can help me with extra therapy or something. Did I mention that I already had counselling from a woman who refused to talk about my problems, saying I had to just put them behind me, get some fresh air and eat better, and get back to work? She even made me bring my thesis into her office, and then repeatedly berated me about my lack of progress at every "therapy" session - it was worse than seeing my supervisor, so I stopped going.

Now I'm experiencing angst about the pointlessness of the whole thing - I spent all these years studying and being broke, and virtually drove myself insane, just to get a crappy £25k lecturing job and MAYBE £38k if I work myself into the ground? Why oh why didn't I just become a dentist or something, save myself the hassle and make huge amounts of cash? I feel like the biggest retard for even wasting my time doing a PhD in the first place :-(

Hi Mlis really sorry to read what a hard time you are having right now. When I read your post the first thing that came to my mind is that your supervisor is gone, and now it's really important for your to focus on communicating with your university. I can't believe the counsellor you had, was the counsellor connected to your uni? to say put things behind you and then ask you to bring in your thesis??? main thing is you left this counsellor. You are doing the right thing to see your doctor who maybe can help you to get another counsellor. I assume your doctor knows your history and should be able to write out a letter to support you. If you can talk to the uni with the support of your doctors letter, transfer to part-time, then you can focus on exactly on the work you have to complete. It's hard to focus right now when you have not been allocated a new supervisor. I can see it's tough for you now, but main thing is to talk with the university and to see what ways your doctor will be able to help you. Hope it all goes well for you and that you get good support.

Your supervisor can't keep ignoring you like this. As I said before, isn't there someone you can contact (email even) for help, i.e. a head of department, or the head of PG studies in your department or school? They also need to sort out the issue of the lost second supervisor. And this needs to be done soon.

My counsellor wasn't a university counsellor, she was arranged by my doctor. I wanted to talk to her about all the things that were bothering me and find some way of dealing with them so I wasn't having panic attacks and nightmares, but she said my reasons for being depressed were irrelevant and I should forget about them and put them behind me. She advocated sleeping regular hours, getting exercise and fresh air, eating properly, and getting on with the thesis. While I can see the value of trying to do those things, it completely ignores the problem that I am UNABLE to do them because I am depressed... that's why I was sent to her in the first place, because I was UNABLE to sleep or eat or focus on anything. If I could just "snap out of it" and suddenly start sleeping and eating and working, I wouldn't have needed counselling!

So what happened was, she told me to do those things and I was unable to do them because I'm depressed, so she told me off at every counselling session and I felt worse. It made me feel worthless because I COULDN'T snap out of it and just get on with things like she told me to; she was saying I just had to forget about everything that was depressing me, and I couldn't, so I felt like it was all my fault because I couldn't just forget my problems like she seemed to think I should be able to. Then she made me bring my thesis and list what work I was going to attempt that week, then the next week when I hadn't done the work (due to depression etc) she would berate me. It was as bad as seeing my supervisor, and it just made me feel worse, so I stopped going to see her.

I guess it just makes me feel worse because my supervisor is ignoring me. I feel like she hates me and is sick of me being depressed and not getting on with work. I can understand why she would be frustrated with my lack of progress, but I feel abandoned and lost because she's ignoring me, like she's punishing me for having been depressed. I also feel worried because I can't finish the thesis without her help, and she's ignoring me, so I'm terrified that I'm just going to be kicked out and not finish because nobody is prepared to help me.

My second supervisor (who left) was the head of department and of student liasons, so I don't know who else to contact. Plus my remaining supervisor would hate me even more if I went above her and got her into trouble for ignoring me. I was trying to get on with work, but my supervisor's hatred and lack of help has made me all worried again and I can't sleep; I'm having nightmares every time I close my eyes. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow in the hope that she can write me a letter and support me in approaching the university for an extension.

Do you think it's a good strategy to contact my supervisor again and ask her to assist me in approaching the university re. coming back part-time and getting an extension or whatever? And tell her what my doctor says, etc? (Previously I approached her re. the work I was finally getting on with, and she ignored me). If she ignores that email too, I'll have to try to contact someone else in the department - maybe call reception and find out who is the new student liason person, and contact them.

This whole lack of support from my supervisor and the university is really getting to me, because I'm struggling to begin with, and this just makes it all seem hopeless. :-(

If it was me I wouldn't bother with the supervisor, but email the head of department, and pronto.

They can speak to your supervisor, and get them back on side.