Hi guys

I have posted some threads on this site previously regarding my PhD and the doubts and difficulties I have been having/facing. After many months of consideration I am almost 100% sure this is not for me and I have to quit for my own happiness and health.

I started my PhD almost 18 months ago within the field of science. I previously worked within industry for over 2 years and the PhD offer came out of blue after I had an interview for a job at the university I am at. At the time I wasn't sure if a PhD was for me or not but in the end I decided it was too good an opportunity to turn down and I looked forward to starting something new which would challenge and excite me. In hind sight, the fact I didn't seek the PhD out myself was perhaps a sign I didn't actually want to do it.

The first 9 months or so were really enjoyable as I started to familiarise myself with the analytical instrumentation I was going to use during my research and I began to learn about my research topic which was totally new to me. However, as time went on I began to get anxious and depressed on a daily basis. I found myself sitting at my desk all day doing nothing and then feeling guilty all the time for not doing any work. It was like vicious cycle. I can't explain why I had no motivation, it was if I has nothing else to give. I went to the university counsellor several times to discuss my feelings and then eventually the doctor who put me on anti-depressants and gave me tablets for my anxiousness.

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I spoke to my supervisor about the problems I had been having and how I was feeling and she was very understanding. We agreed my first year review should be postponed for 6 months to allow me to get better and that I would remain at the university and work in the lab making sure I didn't push myself too hard. My re-scheduled first year review is now a couple of weeks away and I still don't feel any better and I know I am not going to be ready for it.

I have found the transition from working in industry to going back to university much harder than I had ever anticipated. I was always so passionate and hardworking during my BsC and MsC degrees and I thought I would be during this PhD too but the passion is just not there. I miss just going into work, doing what I am scheduled to do and then coming home and being able to relax at nights and the weekends. The fact that I don't have a set research topic doesn't help either as this makes me even more worried and anxious. I don't know how many times I have been asked to develop analytical methods to help other people in the department which has nothing to do with my PhD. Only last week I was told to abandon my PhD topic for the meantime and develop a method for something more important the department needs to analyse. In addition, nobody in the department knows anything about the instrumentation I am using. I know the basics and some more but not enough to accomplish this PhD on my own.

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It is defiantly the hardest decision I have ever had to make and I know I am doing the right thing but it doesn't make it any easier. I get on really well with everyone at the university and my supervisor has been so good to me and I don't want to let them down. However life is too short to be doing something that makes you unhappy, you have to live each day as if it's your last. I know I was very good at my last job and enjoyed working within the industry, although it was much more fast paced than university life!!!! I hope to find a similar role to what I was doing before I started the PhD. The only dilemma I have is that my first year review is in 4 weeks, therefore it looks at though I will probably have to quite before I have a chance to secure a job which worries me. Who knows what the future will hold?

I don't really know what to expect from this post but it has been good to discuss my experience as I haven't really spoken to many people about it. If anyone has any advice/suggestions/similar personal experiences, feedback would be very much appreciated :)

Hello,

It is a difficult decision and I don't really have any words of wisdom to help you. It sounds like you have thought a lot about it and have already made up your mind.

All you can do is discuss again with your supervisor, and if you still feel like you want to quit, then tell her there is no point in doing the first year review.

You might be able to negotiate continuing as a PhD student for a few months, in an official capacity so you still get paid whilst you look for a job, but just work on things that are helpful to the lab.

Good luck and I hope you find a job that fulfills you in the future.