OK, so I've posted before about issues I have with my primary supervisor. The general suggestion from people was to talk to the supervisor about issues and my concern over bad communication between us. I've had the 'big talk' with him multiple times and after each talk things improve a little but then always degrade again after a few weeks or months to at least as bad as they were before. And things have gotten worse just before Christmas, and more than just can be said for end of year stresses. I've just sent an email to request an appointment at my uni's free student counseling service because at this stage I really don't feel like there is any point in talking to the supervisor again because my concerns just haven't been followed or in some cases even taken seriously. So other than the counseling I’m hoping to see if anyone around here can give additional support or advice on how to proceed.

I’m not sure how much to go into detail here but general issues are as follows…
- Poor communication. I’m not being kept involved in the decision making processes of factors that directly involve my project. This is after voicing my concerns multiple times on this issue.
- Lies. Most of the time I can put this down to my supervisor simply forgetting things, but it’s happened to often and I’ve approached him too often for this to continue.
- Hypocrisy and favoritism. Other students in the lab are treated more favorably. Supervisor doesn’t follow own advice given to the lab, mostly concerning communication (above).

I could go into details on specific cases of the above, but then this would be a very long message. But the issues I’m getting are at times these issues seem small from the outside, but his actions have really effected how much progress I am making on my project and career prospects.

Hi Damned,

So how did the meeting go? Has there been any progress?

Dino
(1st year Ph.D.)

Hey damned,

I have the same exact situation and I have had many "big talks" with supervisor and also went further but only made things worse and deteriorated the situation. I think sometimes in research world its really about who you are and not the results that you produce. So have you got any 1st author publications? What stage of phd are you in? are you the opposite sex to all the other students and supervisor? are you different genetic make up to your supervisor i.e. is your ethnicity different? If yes to any of these then these could be the reason. I found that academics can be very vindictive and childish even though they may be highly regarded in the field. Many issues that they are pressured for from above tend to make them like that. If the supervisor is really unable to communicate properly then there is no point trying. can you get second supervisor involved?

Main thing is that the more you try and get a resolution from the committee members of your graduate school/department etc, this is then going to result in the supervisor feeling bad. One thing you must remember is that no matter what the uni will always take the academic's side and so will most of the other academics in your department. Anyone that says in the academic circle that they are there for your support generally is talking shit. I found that in most uni's basically a PhD student is a worthless piece of crap and are disposable and therefore it means that saying nothing will take you a long way. I learnt the hard way. honestly there is no point just get everything in writing and do what they say unless you are going to get into shit. forget about career prospects at this stage as the more you worry about that the less you are likely to move forward in your project. The less conflict you have with your boss the more likely it is that you are going to get a reference and don't expect a beautiful one but one that will at least just get you a job. once you have gained one position then you don't need to worry about the rest. if you are under 30 then this should not be a problem as you can change fields and make it later

PM me

I have a friend and work colleague who is at the tail end of her part-time PhD after many years. Her work is excellent but due to the extent of time for her studies, about three years ago she got a new supervisor (the old one left the institution and went somewhere else) who is just really unsupportive in lots of 'passive aggressive' sorts of ways.
It is really hard for her but she has kept in touch with her old supervisor and also has a friend's husband (academic in completely different discipline) and both of these experienced academics actually are the ones who read her work, support her and discuss where she needs to make changes or clarify things. The support from these people is what is keeping her going. She is able to be annoyed and upset occasionally about her present supervision but is not totally gutted by it. She is giving papers and attending conferences, etc as well.

My point here is 'can you be sneaky about this' and line up a second supervisor on a pretext of some sort or can you strike up some form of friendly informal relationship with another academic and get some support and guidance from them?

I know you are in a lab so can understand that the poor communication bit with regard to practical things you are doing is really hard to overlook. You probably have to deal with that in some practical way but with the lies and favouritism-can you ignore this sort of thing to some extent?

Your counsellor might have some really good 'official advice' to give you from the official view point. Personally I wouldn't antagonise your supervisor and would overlook the small stuff but neither would I cover for them either-I'd be a bit upfront about the communications issues in a diplomatic way and call them on it through email or personal conversation each time it happened with a significant item or process. In a sort of 'I know you're busy so you might have overlooked this-but I don't think I got a copy of your email-or memo-or whatever regarding my blah blah-could you just forward it to me (or if it is verbal) clarify for me - it just means this, etc, etc. Most people don't like being called on something they have overlooked but when faced with your reasonable and pleasant, but persistent approach, will comply. You might have to do what you think is pestering a bit...do it...you shouldn't have to do it but as the poster below said-academia (and the non-academic workplace) has many such situations like this and the reality is we all have to find ways of working with difficult people. Your supervisor sounds like he is a difficult person to some extent-and this is really unlikely to change.

Oh and if you get the sorts of comments from the favoured people in the lab when you quietly grumble or wonder why YOU didn't get some email or information-you know the sorts of comments
"Really, (doubtful and innocent expression) but they are always great with me..." (inference is it just must be you who has the problem) don't believe it for a second-the person is either really naive and doesn't want to believe their friend, mentor or colleague is favouring them and being difficult for you OR they know full well and and are just lying to themselves because it is easier that way. Good luck-I hope this doesn't seem too negative btw-not meant to be. It is just that it is really hard to change the behaviour of difficult people in the workplace, Ive found you have to call them on it in a pleasant way and find ways to work around the problem and to not take it personally as well. Pretty hard but once you do that things get a bit easier for you...:-)

Hi damned,

my undergrad supervisor was equally bad! All the traits you mentioned: favouritism and "big" talks and hypocrisy, the whole package. I worked my a** off and in the end, he let some bimbo from my class in the lab who contaminated all the reagents and my samples as well. I ended up with no data to present in my dissertation and on top of that he refused to give me reference! I've never heard of anybody ever to refuse a reference! That shows how mean he was. All his support went towards his favorite student (a girl of course), anybody else didn't matter. My point is, he was a lousy supervisor and so are a lot of them from what I've read in this forum - I wish the universities read this forum from time to time - but I did get a my degree and I got reference from elsewhere and he's always gonna be that horrible supervisor I (and a lot of other students) had during my undergrad. The irony is that a students from the year above me warned me about him but I didn't want to listen. I learnt the hard way. So, hang in there cause in the end it will be over and you'll get your degree and you won't have to deal with him anymore. I also agree with the above post, search for guidance and advice elsewhere, like friends or anybody in your field, or even this forum I guess. Anything to keep you sane.

D.

Hi Damned,

Unfortunately it all sounds too familiar and I would agree with the others.

Communication with your supervisor is useless - he doesn't seem to get it.  You've called his bluff and he makes temporary changes but reverts back to old self after a while!

The lies are there - most academics are forgetful but some are just awful especially if they make empty promises they have no intention of keeping or keep changing the goal posts!!! Be very wary of them!!  Do not trust them and get help from elsewhere. Other academics are usually more willing to help if they can see what an awful supervisor he is.  Don't be afraid to take them up on the offer or if there is another person who can help in dept or outside the dept go for it and take their advice and use it as a sounding board.

Hypocrisy and favoritism is rife in some academics and very sickening!!!! The favourite has to be "Do as I say and not as I do!"  Then there is the pet project which if you're not doing you've had it and you are not worth bothering about as your research doesn't matter/is inferior/insignificant/it takes precious resources away from the pet project!!! Then there is the favouritism of students who get away with doing very little and/or shoddy work who then stick up for the supervisor which shows they are either in denial or refuse to believe other have troubles. Perhaps this is a way to kid themselves as previously suggested.  Either way it's very frustrating and drives you crazy!!!

Then there is the dept stance on it: i.e. they don't care as you are a disposable lowly PhD student who should be so grateful for doing one. They only employ the supervisor for their research and not for anything else - who cares that they cannot/will not supervise their students?!!! That's just an unfortunate burden for them!  How inconsiderate of students to want supervision! Basically it gets brushed under the carpet and people make up stupid excuses like "they get away with it due to the prestige of their position or due to their personality!"  That seems to count for a lot and there is nothing you can do about it unless complain formally in writing. You may get to change supervisors but only if you have a very good reason generally!  But this may help or not depending on the dept/supervisor so think about this carefully! Some may hold grudges and depends on how influential they are!

This is easier said than done but try not to let him get to you and affect your work particularly the progress. If you can't talk to him about your work try to draft in others who can help and read/give you opinions on your work.  Make use of other PhD students who may be able to help! (up)

Above all just think once your PhD is over you can get rid of him and the balance will tip the other way as you'll hold the key as I'm assuming that he'll want to publish papers with you suddenly despite showing no interest before when you wanted help!  Once you get your 1st job you won't ever need to bother him for a reference again!

Good luck with it and hope you find a way to deal with him.  There's a new skill for you - how to manage your supervisor - that's the key to a "good" relationship! 8-)

I have to honestly thank the people here for your concern enough to reply to my message. I honestly can’t remember exactly where I was at in my life when I originally posted that but here’s a bit of an update.

I ended up trying to forget about (or at least pretend to) the things that have happened in the past and just go ahead with what I thought was best for my project. So I ended up getting more done experimentally. And also everything was cozy in our meetings because they mostly consisted of me telling my supervisor what I had done, why I’d done it and what I was going to do next. And that ended up being all good. It hasn’t repaired the damage I still he’s done to my project and progress but at least I can start to repair it because I know what I’m doing.

However now I’m in another bit of a pickle, and this time it’s really mostly my lack of foresight to blame. I’ve let my next milestone creep up on me. And for this one I pretty much need to have a chapter of the thesis completed. The trouble is a) I have 3 or so sub-projects that will become chapters or papers however I’ve kind of half completed all of them rather than completed one to write up (this has a lot to do with the dodgy planning from super and co). b) I hate writing and I think I’ve been subconsciously thinking the due date is further away than it is. c) I suck at writing and realistically I’m going to need supers help. Let’s hope this doesn’t all repeat.

On a positive note the milestone is going to give me a chance to rat out the super a bit. And because I’m in control I should be able to do it in a more confident and calm manner.

And so that’s why I’m here at work on a public holiday trying madly to write a chapter. Urrghhhh