Hi
What is it with Phd students?

Am I the only one who suffers with someone that I come into contact with everyday completely sucking the life out of me? This girl has even finished her Phd and still she hangs around, turning every conversation around to her and talking about her experiences and her "issues".

During the Phd it was her supervisor - allegedly someone who is controlling and manipulative - and yet no other student has any complaint against her.

This student has even passed her Phd with minor corrections and still she's not happy. Her viva was the most grueling ever - she got no support, the examiners were out to get her, and she left the experience in tears (even though she passed and is now in the process of publishing elements of it).

I've heard she's got a job lined up now too - and still this is something to moan to others about. As soon as she turns up others try to send her signals that they are busy but still she butts in, spurting out endless I, I, I s. Of course she has also been diagnosed with something or other and keeps having attacks of some sort or other. That's fine, but the whole world doesn't need to know about it.

I remember an old prof saying that Phd students should take a few years out before starting the Phd to get a bit of life experience, realise that the world doesn't revolve around them, and work out that it shouldn't take over your life. He would say that if you found that the Phd was the no.1 priority in your life then it would all end in tears one way or another.

Hello. Well I suspect this is a very transparent attempt to have a go at me....whilst many of the details are inaccurate, there are enough elements in there for me to realise that you are trying to describe your perception of me, or else someone similar to me in terms of finishing one's PhD, having a supervisor who was difficult at times, obtaining a new job, having a medical diagnosis etc. The rest of the details are your perceptions and opinions of me, and are not facts, and do not necessarily agree with the perceptions of others. Indeed, my supervisor has had many complaints put in about her by staff and students, my viva was difficult but I did not leave it in tears despite being in tears of relief on receiving the verdict (the examiners were not out to get me, but were there to challenge, as should be the case with a PhD viva) and in fact I am a mature student and have plenty of life experience. Most of my PhD is already published and I am delighted about my new job, although naturally I am nervous about the move and missing my friends. Of course you will probably now post and say that if I recognised myself in your original post then that says something about how 'accurate it is'. It doesn't. Most of it is inaccurate, as I have said, but it is unlikely to be coincidence that you have decided to quote several factual occurrances that relate to what I have been posting about recently in terms of completion of PhD, viva, new job, medical diagnosis and attacks. Of course, if this post is about someone else then I would have much sympathy for them and their difficult experiences.

I agree, more so now than ever before I have been reaching out to others on this forum for support, because I am experiencing difficulties. However, my life revolves around helping and supporting others with mental health difficulties and other disabilities, and has done for nearly 15 years. I have been a member of this forum for a while, and have done my best to offer support to others, which I believe is reflected in the 5 stars I have earned. Yes, the whole world doesn't need to know about it- that is why I post on an anonymous forum. I try not to take these difficulties into my day to day life, and am a very productive and caring person, who works hard and has not had a day off work for over 5 years. If people do not want to read or respond to my posts, then that is their choice.

We have a history of disagreeing on this forum, and that is fine. I only respond to your comments if I feel that I can say something helpful. If you do not wish to read my posts or have nothing helpful to say then I am not sure why you take the time to reply. If you do not understand my situation and cannot empathise with anything I say then again, that is fine, but I do not see the need to be so unpleasant. I very much hope that you do not come across such difficulties in your life, and if you do that you have people around you who care and who will empathise.

Best, KB

KB, I hope that was not aimed at you, I don't actually think it was. I have found your posts helpful and interesting, even as one who got through the whole thing pretty unscathed, but having seem fallout from those that have not. I have an idea to who (and there are a few over the years!) they *may* be referring to, and it is frustrating when you formulate a reply to someone (either a sympathetic one or a snap-out-of-it-back-to-reality one) and have it completely ignored with added melodrama.
If it was aimed at you, well, obviously they like having a bit of a stir but who cares?! I think you are doing great and things will settle for you. Good luck.
Stuff.

Well, Stuff, perhaps not. There are just rather a lot of coincidences. Anyway, I'm not going to concern myself with it any more. As I pointed out- this is a forum and we all have a choice about what we read and respond to, so I have made my choice! Best, KB

There are many PhDs in my department, some have more trouble than others (often through no fault of their own, yes, sometimes they don't have good coping strategies, but in my experience the former is more common than the latter). Some complain more than others. Some people have a harder time near the start, some near the end. Sounds like this student is having trouble, both with recovering from the PhD and also has some mental health issues. I struggle to understand how this can "suck the life out of you". If just hearing about it makes YOU feel like that, imagine how the student feels!!! Anyway, seeing as how this bothers you so much, it sounds like you need some strategies for being assertive (sorry, but to be honest, at the moment, you guys sound a little passive aggressive). If I am busy or someone starts a conversation that I know will bother me, I politely excuse myself, or politely tell the person I am sorry, but I am busy and don't have time to talk.

In regards to your old professors comments - interesting thought. In my experience, whether PhD takes over life has more to do with the project, students aspirations, and personality of the student than life experience. My PhD has definitely taken over my life! I am in my last year, I have worked my ass off to get data (six months a year in remote areas working 12 hour days, every day), I really want to finish on time and move on with life/career, but I can't do that unless I work pretty much constantly, which in turn means that I am working all the time and my PhD is my life. And, I took 7 years out between Bachelors and PhD to travel and then work. I am aiming for a career in wildlife conservation with a NGO, so work is going to be my life for a lot of years to come. But I love what I do and wouldn't have it any other way. Plus, it's my choice, and not for others to judge.

KB, I've never replied to any of your posts, but have followed your journey with interest and cheers of support. I think you are amazing achieving all that you have. Your posts have helped me feel not so alone in some bad stints with my supervisor (I have 3, only one is evil, so I am lucky!) and some down times with anxiety. So even if this post is about you (not sure, don't care), the vast majority of us really value your input, and your honesty has helped many of us through hard times. THANKYOU!

Hi Keenbean, I am not going to say too much about what is written above. Like Furry, I have never had a chance to write back to any of your posts but I have always been reading them and I do admire you a lot for what you have achieved despite your health problems. To be honest, I am amazed to see how in addition to PhD itself, there are so many others challenges many people here have been facing (health problems, financial issues, familial problems and so on).

I just want to tell you that you have done a great job in completing your PhD successfully, getting a job and inspiring others like me!! (up)

While I think this was directed towards KB, I am afraid LarryDavid's attitude is far too common. I happened to get a post-doc before my viva and I happened to have a smooth PhD journey. As a consequence of these I lost all rights to having problems of any other kind. I have realised this rather belatedly, but now that I have, I think I will approach my interpersonal relationships with alternative expectations than before.

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Keenbeen no doubt came on here for support, as do a lot of others. Many feel on their own as they proceed to varying degrees and support on here at lets them know there are others out there.

The demands of the PhD process are such that in a lot of cases, it does become the No. 1 priority especially as write-up proceeds and viva approaches.  It did with me, even though I spent a good five years in the real world gaining the 'life experience' you mention (and that I concede helped).

I can relate to everything that Keenbeen has said, the pressures, the stresses and the feelings that the supervisors are the enemy.  In retrospect, I can see that a lot of that was due to the pressures I felt and that supervisors were actually on my side (though possibly for their own benefit).

As regards many of the health issues, I faced some of those during my Masters much earlier in my career. 

For that matter, what are you doing here?  Are you a new PhD candidate per chance?  If so, as you proceed through your PhD, you'll realise just how much effort is required.  For many, it's a real killer.

As for myself, I'm back here after a long absence (I can't even remember my original login credentials) as a friend was considering following the PhD path.  He decided not to in the end.  However, I can at least offer a little support to others and occasionally inject a little humour from time to time.

I find your post completely and utterly negative, and lacking in understanding of what the vast majority of us have been through, are going through or are yet to face.

Either grow up or please just disappear!!!

Keenbeen, you've done good girl and this character isn't worth a single breath in your body.(up)

Sorry about below (now edited to remove a certain implied two word statement meaning 'please go away'). The above 'Larry David' post just made my blood boil. :$