Hi,
I know theres a hundred posts like this on the board- but I really am finding it tough dealing with a difficult supervisor. I'm in my third year of a phd, and throughout he has been incredibly critical of my work. He manages to always end on a negative note, even if there has been good things ive done. I know some criticism is helpful, and even i appreciate unhelpful criticism, but this isnt helping. Its almost as if its all a big competition- he worked harder during his phd, he had a worse time, etc etc. I've didnt have much confidence on my work when i started, but now I have almost zero.
Suppose i just wanted a moan. Thanks.

i struggled with mine for months. finally i burst into floods of tears and told him how i felt, it did help for a while. you should try and sit down and discuss things with them or maybe your adviser?

hi
Thanks- yeah I have consideredit, but I know I'd end up in tears as well and I don't think he'd know how to react.

mine looked scared of me crying think it made them see how upset i was about things

Hi Birdsandbees,

indeed you do not know how your supervisor will react: He may also be positive regarding your views. He may not be aware of what he is doing to you. Often it is not a bad idea to mention your weakness: "I am sorry but I find it very difficult how you present your criticisms, it upsets me. Are you aware of that? " etc.

yeah probably- I'm just not good at that kind of stuff, I tend to get upset too easily and I just keep thinking maybe he's not that bad, maybe its just me being oversensitive.
anyway ive got a meeting with him this afternoon where im going to have to tell him i've got something a bit wrong (nothing major, just a mix up and it wont cause any problems) but i know he's going to jump down my throat- and to be honest im just a little scared of him!

maybe he needs to know when i told mine the way he was with me was just not on he did listen and try take it on board. i was past the point of caring if he thought me crying made me a stupid girl i just couldnt take it anymore. maybe your sup just doesnt see how he is may be upsetting.

...or maybe he won't care. After quite a few attempts, I realised that nothing was going to change and I was only upsetting MYSELF by thinking things could change (and trying to make them change by telling how I felt). After 18 months I made a very definite decision just to deal with it (or not deal with it) in silence...

Hi Birdsandbees,

let the forum know what came out of your conversation.

I once had a unpleasant boss and felt very threatened. Yet once we had a meeting and I said that I really felt intimidated by his behaviour and that I intended to take action regarding this. Surprisingly he apologised and said that was not his intention etc. and was a lot easier to work with afterwards.
It may work if you express what is going on, if not things will continue, or even gets worse.

My supervisor is quite similar and can be really critical... Most of the time I try to take it as constructive but it can be soul-destroying when you've worked really hard and you don't get even one positive comment!!!

I don't think I could ever talk to him about it though because I'm not good at controlling my emotions and my tear ducts in particular - so I would definitely start crying!!! T

he problem with that is that he is head of our department so is my boss for the part-time lecturing that I do... I feel like I can't show any weakness or he'll think that I can't handle pressure and won't give me any teaching responsibilities in the future!

Similar to what Sue said, I've realised I can only talk about things like this in a superficial professional way in general. Once or twice it has worked though. You could rehearse what you are going to say to give you more confidence.Finding someone academic who will talk about work in a nice way occasionally is confidence boosting.
I've burst into tears in secret after lab talks and advisor's meetings. I've established now that my advisor is very critical, and it's not me in the wrong, and I just need to a) not actively seek him out or use him as an internal examiner(!) b) accept he is just insensitive but is totally oblivious to the effect it has and c) he's not neccessarily right-my supervisor often disagrees with him, and d) let the comments bounce off me so that I can get on with my PhD

Hi,
Thanks for all your advice. I decided in the end not to say anything- partly beasue I bottled it but mainly because I genuinely believe it wont make much difference, at least not in the long term. Hi attitude is similar when dealing with other phd students and postdocs, so I'll just have to remember that he's not always right....

Hi there, when I'm overly emotional about stuff, I firstly wait until I'm calm, and then if I think I'll still be emotional, write an email. I say wait until calm, as it's better to write these emails when not upset or they'll come out rather emotional and a little bit embarrassing (been there done that!). Or, wait until you're on a day where you're feeling pretty positive and self-confident and raise it then. Prepare for the meeting as much as you can, gathering ammunition to fight your corner, the extra confidence that gives helps a lot. Go in prepared -go in more confident and less likely to fall apart. Having said that some supervisors insist they're always in the right, and there's not much you can do then except to pick the stuff you agree with and ignore the rest. Easier said than done I know. good luck!