Did you take time off to recover from the death of a relative? How much time did it take to recover? How did you get back into the swing of PhD?

My gran died in March, literally 2 days before I was due to fly to the US to present at the pre-eminent conference in my field. Effectively I had no time to recover, and I had to miss the funeral. We had expected the end for quite a while (she had Alzheimer's for around 7/8 years) and I saw her a couple of days before she died. I think it depends on how close you were and what actually happened. If it was a sudden thing, I think I would have found it much harder

At the end of my first term I nursed my mother at home (terminal cancer). I didn't officially take any time out but I did rather lose the plot and did the bare minimum to keep things moving for 6 months. My supervisor asked me if I wanted to intermit but we decided that would be even more depressing. I never did make up the time though as there were several other logistical set backs. Looking back, I think 6 months off would have been a good idea. As it happens though, I took my maximum leave at the end of my second year for maternity so it's just as well I didn't intermit earlier.

My mum had cancer about five years ago and we thought she had beaten it but last year the week after I started my PhD she was diagnosed with secondary cancer and we nursed her at home for three months. I didn't take time off but just worked when I could. I was doing a lot of reading so managed to keep going. I think it helped that I had something else to concentrate on. After she died, I didn't really think about having time off but maybe I should have taken some time but I just wanted to keep going with my PhD as I know my mum would have wanted me to. Everybody deals with bereavement differently and you need to do what is right for you. I suppose if you are studying away from your family you will want to spend time with them but I managed to spend a lot of time with my dad and sister because I was at uni locally.
I'm sure others who have been through a bereavement will agree with me that any time you need to talk on this forum we will be here to listen and give any advice or comforting words if we can do anything to help.

I deferred the start of my PhD for a year because my gran and my boyfriend both died in the 6 months preceding my official start date. His death was a sudden one where I was one of the main witnesses at the inquest so the whole process ended up stretching into the academic year anyway, so it was a good thing I did defer. My sister died suddenly the following year, a few months before my new start date, but I just wanted to get on with it by then and immerse myself in something of my own, to take my mind off it I guess and try to get back to some semblance of normality. I did wonder about how sensible it was to get on with my PhD as the subject is death-related, but it was ok in the end, in fact it was probably more interesting and meaningful doing the reading after all that, though not planned that way.

I don't think you can put time limits on how long it takes to recover from a death, as the previous posters have said, it depends on the circumstances and everyone is different. As long as you can cope with usual day to day things and you've got someone you can talk to about it if you need to, and don't be too hard on yourself if you get fed up sometimes. If you think you're not coping, there's always organisations like Cruse. If things do happen like death or serious illness, it's good to keep your supervisor informed so they know what's going on, even if you don't take time off, as it might affect your work without you necessarily realising if you just plod on alone. Looking back, I think I probably got through it ok because I had really good friends to talk to who knew either my sister or bf very well, though it seems like a lifetime ago now. I think it has probably made me more determined to make the most of my own life though and that includes finishing the PhD. Best of luck with yours.

A friend of mine died at the beginning of this year when I was about 6 months into my PhD. I didn't tell anyone within Uni (except the woman in walked into my office and caught me crying) but I really really regret it now. I wish I'd told my supervisors. They knew something was wrong and kept asking but I just closed up completely. I wouldn't have taken any time out personally but I'm pretty sure my supervisors would have encouraged me to. It took a while to stop ruminating on it (it was an accident and so not at all expected) and this effected my work. I think if they'd have known why I was struggling to produce at that point they would've been able to help.

Is a pet a relative? What if one has spent nights after nights snuggling up with them? I am in London, starting my PHD and my dog is about to die any time now halfway across the globe...with or without a surgery...in tremendous pain.


She is not a human being. But yes, she is my friend. I'm an only child and she saw me in my teens as well..she knows my secrets..we played pranks together.

Is that family? or is it not? I dont know...as I wait to get the phone call from home..

My husband, my soul mate, was killed by a stupid car driver who didn't even have the guts to admit what he had done just before I started my MA. I didn't tell any of the lecturers at uni, because it was a private thing  I told a couple of my fellow students because one of them asked why I never mentioned him. My daughter had just started uni and had to be told over the phone what had happened. She rang her flat mates who had gone into London and they immediately came back to comfort her (she couldn't come straight home as it was late at night by the time he died), and for that I will be forever grateful, her faculty were really good to her too. Maybe that is the key, you need someone to be there if you need them, and to respect your need to not talk about it if you don't want to. Actually I think recover is the wrong word, you just learn to live with it and get on with things.

and yes, your dog is family too, as someone who has had to have several pets put to sleep it is traumatic. In your heart you know it is inevitable, but that doesn't make it any easier