Sorry, me again! This wasn't particularly relevant to put in the last post..

I'm feeling very downbeat about the PhD at the moment & a large part of this comes from a complete lack of being able to discuss it with anyone other than my supervisor. None of my friends or family have even asked how it's all going since day 1 and as I live quite a way from the university I have found it hard to meet other postgraduates in the department (I'm also quite shy). So, I have relied largely on family for support and almost 6 months in I find that it's practically non-existent.
Sorry to moan on a Monday morning, but I needed to vent it and would be interested to know if anyone else is experiencing this sort of thing - it's seriously de-motivating!

When I was in distance learning mode and working full time, it was very hard to get people to understand that the PhD was not imaginary! I found this very frustrating. I had to prioritize my non work time to be able to do the PhD, which meant that socializing was cut back. Weekends were prime study time in the library. I tried to explain to people, and took the stance that even if they did not understand the particulars that they could at least understand this was important to me.

Family I confronted a few times, saying, look, it upsets me when you act like this is not important! and we had a discussion about it. Once in awhile I would show up with draft chapters, and ask if they wanted to have a read--and sometimes people would. At least they got a sense of what I was doing. Friends--good friends understood. More casual sorts of friendships went by the wayside in some instances, the people who got stroppy when I was not taking mobile calls in the library, or why Saturday afternoon shopping was not a priority activity!

I think that with those closest to you, just level with them and tell them you need some support and understanding! They may have no idea what you need from them if you do not let them know!

mokey, I'm going through the same exact thing, and like yourself, I haven't made any friends in the department either. It feels like you're walking alone on a long road that's so foggy you can't see what's ahead and there are no signposts guiding you. Sorry for the cheesy analogy, but that's how it feels right now! The loneliness is quite overwhelming, isn't it? Nothing could have prepared me for this. I can totally sympathise with you.

One of the biggest problems is that a lot of people just don't understand - particularly at first they assume you are just a student and don't want to give up your student days!

It can be very difficult to talk to anyone! about your work, because most field are so specific.

My family are interested and do try to get a grasp of it - but try explaining advance Biochemistry to someone who has never dealt with it is really a bit pointless.

On the other hand when people ask and you try dumb it down - they can get insulted

I found it very difficult to find a balance between not boring them to tears and not insulting their intelligence.

I know what you are saying about meeting others it is very hard, but you should try it will make your life much more bearable - I wouldn't have made it as far without good support from other PhD students - also they are more likely to understand what you are going through. And most PhD are usually an outgoing bunch -

your institution may even have a PhD centre where people who are new to the area get together and do organised events - a lot of unis organise these and they are great to meet others- try speaking to the PhD co-ordinator and see if they can help

In the meantime - there are always an abundance of folk here to help you through it

I can utter empathise with mokey and eddi--mine compounded by moving to a foreign country. I get chipper emails from home asking what fun I am having, and what fun new people I have met...I try to explain that its not that easy to meet people when people are hived off into isolated research ( myself included), and that time and money do not permit huge amounts of expensive day tripping! This is not a gap year! I think it is hard to meet people, although possible, and all I can say is I keep trying--going to events when the mood strikes, lectures, campus stuff, taking the initiative with a flatmate to arrange to meet for lunch, etc...and taking comfort in the fact I am not alone in being alone, as it were!

Curious as to whether any one has ever attempted to arrange a real time meeting of those on the PhD forum?!

I have even done things like signed up and gone on a guided tourist walk in the area...mostly it was OAPs on the walk, but it was fun! It was a nice change of pace, I learned a lot of the local history, and got to chat with non university types. Very relaxing, and a bit of human contact as it were, and the price one that a student budget could absorb without a panic!

Eddi, you have summed it up nicely there! At first I didn't think it would bother me that much, but as I go on I find that there is just no-one to have a little moan to about this or that, or just have a chat with someone about your ideas. I know a supervisor might fulfill that role but I with me it isn't really like that.
With my MA I had the same thing but it wasn't so much of a problem as you always meet other postgrads when you go to seminars etc., and when my family moaned about "when was I going to get a proper job" etc, although it did get to me a bit, there were always other people who I could talk to about it. But now there is just me, a load of work, and people who appear to not care less.
It feels like a very lonely time, to the point where I have often thought I should just jack it all in then they might take some interest (once I have a dead end job and no prospects)

Olivia, talking about hived off in research - why does everyone try to make you feel so guilty about having to stay in and work? I even get the neighbours coming round asking why I am indoors so much and that I should be out (doing 'real work' no doubt!).
It seems that everyone has a negative opinion on the fact you are still a "student" and yet they ask nothing productive or interesting about it!!

Mokey, I think that they honestly just do not understand what you are doing--there is no PHYSICAL evidence of the PhD, its mostly rattling around in your brain! Sometimes ( just depends on the person) some gentle education can help them understand--I showed my parents information on the number of hours that it was recommended to put into a PhD per week. I explained I was trying to do 30+ hours of study on top of work, and they really did need to try to understand the level of work on me, even if they did not understand the work itself or even my motivation!

Its good that people ask after you on the other hand--they care about your welfare! And they are right, its good to get outside and get some fresh air and exercise. I think that key to doing a PhD is remembering the importance of a healthy diet ( easier said than done) and regular outdoor exercise, esp. the value of sunlight. Exercise is supposed to raise endorphins, which relieves depression, and those feel good chemicals are vital to your intellectual function! A good walk around the block has sometimes given me that flash of insight needed to get going again!

Hehe, I go out on plenty of walks - infact, on Saturday I decided it was such a nice day I would go out for a walk in the morning and have a clear head to start working after lunch.. didn't get back until 5pm and then felt like no work, pretty much the same story on Sunday! If anything, exercise and the outdors make me less likely to sit and work! Absolutley ANYTHING is a distraction at the mo!

Time off can be as valuable as time on--and it was such a lovely weekend, who could resist being outside? It felt like being in Southern California!!!

I think to some extent it comes down to how you plan your work. Do you have a work plan that is reasonably achievable over a day? Do you keep track of it? How? Otherwise, I think if you just arrive to a desk, a computer screen and a pile of papers and the sinking feeling of having to get something done, that its impossible.