*hd making ,,me fel inadrquate

Hi EV

A lot of us feel inadequate with our PhDs, I feel inadequate most of the time too. It's part of the process - we're in training to be researchers and writers, but the PhD process means we're starting again at the bottom. The standards are also so much higher than anything we've done before and the intellectual challenges are so great. We have to learn and relearn as we go. But it is really hard. You need to celebrate the small victories along the way - the good idea you have, the finished chapter or section, and treasure every positive comment your sup gives you! Don't be too hard on yourself, you're learning and also learning about yourself. Keep going, there will be moments that make up for all the self doubt and carry you through.

Hi,

I don't know if this helps - But I'm quite certain during my whole career, if I'm fortunate enough to have one in academia, that I'll ever reach the dizzying heights of my supervisors. I can only echo what Sue has said...

Gramsci once called for 'pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will'! I suppose that's something I always try to remember...

Hi Ev, I don't think there's a day goes by when I don't feel as though I'm not good enough, that I'm thick and why did I bother. Honestly, I don't myself feel up to the standard of ever getting a PhD. They're bloody tough. And it seems like you need to be so smart, like you need to know everything concerned with your subject. That in turn makes you think: how can I know everything? How can I even begin to start writing about things when I don't feel I understand what I'm writing about too well and/or am unsure that I can even write well anyway? Throw on top of that the life commitments that you have and it just seems impossible. Well, I have exactly the same perspective as you. I've just finished the first phase of my research, a descriptive phenomenological study and an expert has told me that it's, basically, (sorry, I'm going to swear) shit. Yep, absolute rubbish! How am I going to defend that in a viva?! I'm not launching in to a moan about myself, but what I'm trying to say is that doing a PhD is really challenging - it's right at the top of academia. There is nothing, academically, that will stretch you in the way that doing a PhD will, academically, in terms of your personal life and your character. It changes you, both in terms of your abilities and the realisation of them and as a character. I sometimes think back to how easy I had it as an undergrad now, and oh how I moaned. It was nothing, in retrospect.
I think Sue has put it far more succinctly than me. You are training to be a researcher and there is no wrong and right answer (not literally in terms of doing a specific procedure incorrectly)- it is more a question of how you do things, record them and solve the problems that you have. It's a learning exercise. But the fact is, tens of thousands of people get a PhD every year and some of them (including me when I get mine) are right dumbo's who couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. Like a roller coaster, there are ups and downs - times when you feel so low about your work that you want to give up. I've been there, am there - and you just want to jack it in. But to what? The thing about a PhD (I've found, but I'm strange) is that unlike an undergraduate degree, it's a part of you, it's an emotional thing. So the ups and downs you experience with your PhD reflects in terms of how you feel about yourself. I've been over the moon and stuck in the U-bend of a toilet (I'm there now) - but, like you, I'm never giving up! EV, no matter how it makes you feel, carry on regardless. Obviously, if you weren't suited to getting a PhD you wouldn't be where you are now - no-one would have offered you one for toffee. The hours are often unsociable, the work and thought that goes into it intense, the ups and downs extreme. But, the rewards are great in terms of a personal sense of achievement, the career that you will hopefully have before you great. When you get it, it's yours for the rest of your life, an achievement that very few people will ever achieve. Ev, your capable, your obviously a very bright and hard worker - you're, not to be patronising, just facing a difficult challenge at the moment.
Please remember that you can post your particular difficulties and experiences at any time, and I'm certain that if people can help they will. Your certainly not alone, people have experienced what you are going through at the moment and they (including me) are more than willing to give you the benefit of their experiences and (in my case limited) knowledge. Chin up, future Dr Ev (up);-)

======= Date Modified 08 Nov 2009 03:39:15 =======

Hey Walminski, very nice post and I completely agree with you. Your comment about the PhD being an emotional thing is spot on - and I think this is also what makes it so hard. Yeh, the work is intellectually hard and the lifestyle is hard, but the fact that it is such an emotional investment as well as an intellectual and financial one is often overlooked I think. Other people don't realise this, and this is not told to people before they start, so we all approach it like a job, or like other studies, thinking that this will just take a bit longer, but are completely unprepared for it becoming such a part of ourselves, something we live and breathe, every day, for years. So a criticism on a piece of my work isn't just that, it's a direct personal criticism against me; me not understanding something isn't just me being a bit thick about one part of my PhD, it's me being completely incompetent - things tend to get a bit out of proportion since the PhD is so personal.

So, EV, recognise that you're not inadequate, that there are bigger issues going on here, and that you're doing the best you can.

(And Walminski, hope your coming out the other side of your u-bend...)

Right, I've been faffing and procrastinating and spending too much time on this forum all w'end, and I really should do some work...

EV - at the end of the day, we all bleed red! Do you think that whatever "expert" in your field suddenly woke up one morning and had all the answers? It takes time! By the way, some experts solely rely on knowing a cartload of acronyms and not knowing the basics - smokes and mirrors to hide their weakness!
I am sure that there is one aspect of your life that you know that you can do just as well as anyone else ... ya can cook a mean pot roast or just maybe you can f&rt the National Anthem ha ha!

Hello Ev, I will not tell you are brilliant etc, am sure there is a reason you are doing the PhD and being inadequate is not one of them.

tell us why, or write it down to yourself why you are feeling like that. There are two answers :
1-you are too hard on yourself, want to learn everything quickly and comparing your self to people that you shouldn't.
2-sorry for being harsh but, there might be a reason for that (may be you need to try harder? ask more? observe more? or may be that is how the supervisor motivate his/her students to do better because he/she sees more in you than you achieve?)
try to find out why you feel he/she is treating you like that, it might be just he wants you to do better and figure out things yourself so you can be more independent gradually.
is it few times or he/she make you feel like that all the time?
it is common in the first year i guess

Hi Ev

Good that you shared, though. I'm feeling a bit the same at the moment with my PhD... and Walmin's response to you really cheered me up - especially the bit about the u-bend of the toilet - that really struck a chord. *grin* When I feel like chucking it all in, I always remember this poem my auntie gave to my uncle (way back in the 1950's). Yesterday, I got to thinking that success is a precarious perch ... and, well, if you want something badly enough, you just have to keep on hanging on by your fingertips. :-) Here's the poem.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

======= Date Modified 10 Nov 2009 20:54:09 =======
======= Date Modified 10 Nov 2009 20:22:57 =======
Hi Everyone,

Thankyou for taking the time to show your support - it really has meant alot. I've been re-reading them all for the last few days but haven't replied up until now as just felt too embarassed to log in :$
I wrote that post (all five words of it!) in a particularly down and self-pitying moment and still feel of my depth daily. But I think I've convinced myself that although I mightn't "get it" today, there's every chance that I might tomorrow.

Walminskipeasucker, you hit the nail on the head right here

[quote]Quote From walminskipeasucker:

And it seems like you need to be so smart, like you need to know everything concerned with your subject. That in turn makes you think: how can I know everything? How can I even begin to start writing about things when I don't feel I understand what I'm writing about too well and/or am unsure that I can even write well anyway? "

I think it's easy to get confused and disorientated when there's a whole world full of information out there which I'm ignorant of - and once you realise that, then you feel even more inadeqate (I know there's a famous quote from someone that goes something along those lines but don't ask me who?!)

Bakuvia, thank you for posting the poem, I hope things are looking brighter for you now?

I have voted you all as helpful users, hopefully it will help you in your star quests

:-)

Hi ev, I for some reason must be the only person that doesn't have a clue what your post was about - I thought it was about Wal's four *s making your inadequate! Very confused.

Anyway, if you want to feel much more in control, pop over to my accountability thread, where I continually fail to do any work or meet any deadlines - then you will feel highly superior!