Hi all,

I'm sorry if this appears like another negative thread, because I'm very lucky; I have great supervisors and am generally getting on OK with my PhD (after a rough few months over xmas!), so I know other people have far worse issues...

Basically, I'm a bit lonely! There are roughly 12 students here, all sharing offices but I'm on my own (my office mate has quit their PhD so just in occasionally writing up for MPhil, no room for me in another office). I'm not socially inept--I do go and chat but obviously if you're sharing an office it's different. I came in this morning feeling really happy and chatty, I even printed something I didn't need to just so I could go into someone else’s office :shame: but everyone was busy. I often ask people if they'd like to have lunch together in the common room etc.

cont...

The other students all live in close proximity (I'm an hour drive away) and are close friends, I just feel a bit on the periphery, which I understand and I don't take it personally--I don't think I’ll ever be good friends with the majority of them, I'd just like to actually have someone to chat to! God I feel like such a sad case!!
Not sure what advice anyone can give, maybe I just need to share :)

big hug to you Pup. I understand how you feel.

Well, firstly we are here and we're a nice bunch!

We all need our daily dose of social interaction to stop driving ourselves potty. In terms of the other people, you are doing the right things, e.g. asking who wants to go to lunch, trying to socialise, poppling in to seem them. You could do something like wander in with a packet of biscuits and use it as an excuse to have a chat.

How about organising a night out to break the ice, so that you build a closer bond with them?

..oh yeah, before I forget, we have an Off topic page on this website where we chill out and post whatever is amusing/annoying us today. The more of us that use it, that more fun it is, so you are welcome to join in there!

When I was writing up, I was inside and alone so often I would get cabin fever. I found that joining university societies was helpful (mainly for undergrads, but some accepted postgrads).

During the daytime, I also found that being sociable and bringing in biscuits for people, or asking for "help" even when I didn't necessarily need it was a good way of making conversation, just to keep my sanity (as long as they werent too busy).

Its easy to forget how lonely it can be in research. Quite often you arent dealing with other people directly (especially in write up), which is why its important to work towards keeping in contact with others.

It's not easy when you work in an environment where relatioships are already consolidated. It takes time and patience. Do you have any way to make yourself more 'visible', e.g by organizing events/ seminars for PGs in your department? That's a great way to get in touch with other students and members of staff. The rest come along with it.
Don't feel afraid to make the first step, and let me know how you get on!

Some students (together with staff) have elevenses around here - they go off on mass to the SCR and drink tea and coffee together, religiously at 11am everyday. There's a smaller High tea club in the afternoon. Try it to organise it, your peers might like it!

Aw thanks for the replies guys I really do appreciate it.

Most of the PhD friendships are built on socialising outside work, but I find it hard enough to see friends and do all that I want outside of uni as it is...I think I'd just like to be able to have that passing small talk that makes the day a bit better, if you know what I mean?

I have been here nearly two years btw! It has just become more of a problem as the PhD students have been moved from the department for 18mths whilst building work goes on, so we are not in proximity to anyone else in our dept. at the moment. Bringing in biscuits is a great idea though! Any excuse

Thanks esp for the hug 404! Think it’s just tea and sympathy I need

Sounds good. Everyone likes a good biscuit and I have a feeling you are a good cook.

I completely agree with sylvester (he's such a star) - come and chat 'off topic', although you might find (as I have) that you 'daily dose of sanity' becomes a daily dose of distraction .

And who can say no to chocolate hobnobs??

Five years ago this summer I had my first taste of isolation in the lab when I did two months work experience. I really hated it and spending days on end without saying a word to anyone really bothered me, BUT... I'm just about to finish up my PhD and I can honestly say I've got used to talking to no-one. That's probably not a good thing, but I found that when I stopped spending all my time thinking 'I need someone to talk to, I need someone to talk to...' I just got used to my current situation. I was in the lab last week just after Easter and the building was almost empty and I LOVED IT. I felt like I had the run of the place. So I think there comes a point where you have to stop trying to change things, accept your situation and move on. There's some famous quote about wisdom being knowing the difference between what you can and can't change?

sue:

http://www.cptryon.org/prayer/special/serenity.html

was that it?

Yeah, that's it. I'd only heard the first four lines before.

Thanks guys. I'll def check out the other forum, Insomniac. I'm the queen of procrastination though, so will have to try and behave...

I understand exactly what you mean, Sue. I think I'd be quite happy if I was completely on my own, it's that I hear everyone else and I just don't like feeling so out of it!