I seem to have lost all motivation. I don't feel like doing anything and ultimately, I feel like "the end prize" or getting a PhD is just not worth it because of all the emotional turmoil involved. I still have 2 years to go. I have brought this up in front of my parents and they both were deeply unhappy that I am even considering this. They have had pretty tough lives and often say that me doing a PhD is the only happiness they have. I feel like I can't do it to them, yet the longing to quit and not to have to deal with any of this crap is HUGE. I dread even meeting my new supervisory panel. My main fantasy involves getting my passport and taking one way flight to another continent. I feel trapped.

I'm thinking that perhaps the best way out would be to wait 6 months from now, to make sure I'm thinking clearly and if I still feel this way to ask my supervisor to file a report of unsatisfactory progress and then have my university throw me out. If I don't quit myself, I feel that perhaps my parents would understand that I just wasn't good enough.

I think everyone feels at some point that they are 'not good enough' to do a PhD. Well at least I 'think' most people have these periods of self doubt...(does anyone agree?).

Try to talk to an academic advisor or your supervisor...or just some in academia that is approachable.

I just wonder if your parents have a higher education themselves, as I find those that don't tend to see a PhD another 3 years of 'dossing' and does not equate to a stressful job (I hope that doesn't sound terribly snobby...but it's basically an alien world to someone who has not been to university).

Also remember your PhD may take more than 3 years - I think the average time is more like 4 years after submitting etc. It's a long haul, and not something to start full of doubts.

Lost_in_oz, you are not alone. I am about where you are (just under 2 years to go), and have been having the exact same thoughts and feelings. My productivity has been dwindling since New Year. I have cried and agonised over what I am going to do and I still don't know for sure. Also, like you, I would feel as though I am letting down my parents who are so incredibly proud of me...not something that I really want to do to them seeing all they have been through.

I know this really doesn't help at all, except for knowing that you are not alone

I understand the feelings you're having. I would actually go with your thought about giving it six months before you make any definite moves. Every day, I am surprised at the feelings that the PhD is bringing out in me. It really challenges you in every way, and the intellectual challenge seems to pale in comparison to the emotional. I think alot of our anxieties centre around how others perceive us. We are so scared to fail because of how others will view us. I never thought the PhD would make me feel so emotional. In fact, I actually thought that it would distract from any problems because I wouldn't have time to think about them! Instead, the PhD seems to shine a spotlight on your life and make you question and analyse everything about yourself, and things come up which can be tough to face.

Whatever decision you make, don't feel guilty or embarrassed about it. It's your life. Only you can choose what's best for you, and if anyone has a problem with your decision, shrug them off. I would definitely carry on though for the time being, and see if you're feelings change, which they probably will. You've got my sympathy and support anyway.

lost in oz,

I think it is important to remember that you did not undertake this PhD to appease your parents. well im assuming that is the case. Im assumming you undertook this PhD for yourself, because you enjoy the topic and want to work in that feild? if your parents helped fund your phd, I can see why they might be cheesed off, otherwise, I see no reason why your parents should be annoyed.

I would think that if your parents really understand what you are going through then they should support you no matter what you do.

I felt rather down after dropping out of my PhD and my parents were nothing but supportive, as your parents should be. There is no great shame in dropping out. Many people do it and many people go on to be successful careers afterwardafterwards

Do you have the chance to take time out? At this uni we can defer for a while, and if you get to the stage that you feel you can't do it any more,perhaps what you needs is a bit of a break with no pressure to keep going. The whole process isn't like it used to be,my suervisor took a several years break in the middle of his and then ended up writing something totally different to what he set out to write, in those days you just signed up, did the work, any way you wanted by the sound of it, and then handed it in when you thought it was done. Now with all these targets for the uni to meet it is much more rigid and there is more hand-holding and therefore more interference in a way, and more need to keep going witohut a break. If you can get one, go for a break, tell your parents you need to do extensive philosophical appraisal of the subject and can only do it away from the uni to avoid inter-research contamination of your ideas.. Then go back with renewed vigour

Yes, my parents both have higher education and value PhD a lot. Even my grandparents have higher education, my grandfather passed away from cancer few months ago. In fact he ended up forgeting what day it was and my grandmother's name, but he remembered to ask about my PhD until his last day. My only brother dropped out of school early and now it's all on me. I didn't start my PhD because of them though, I did it to distract me from my realtionship problems and to give me something to focus on (not the best reason I know). I also did it because the topic/reasearch area I'm doing is interesting and I wanted to know more. As for relationship problems, it seemed PhD did nothing but magnify all of them, and I also managed to mess up great realtionship with my supervisor who I often felt very lucky to have, almost like she was an anchor in all this instability. Now I don't have that anymore, and I don't know where to turn. I feel like she too has let me down in "my darkest hour".

As for my parents, I went to visit and stayed for a week recently. They saw that I'm an emotional mess, completly obssesive about my PhD issues, lost weight, barely ate while I was there. And they still haven't said even once "You know if you feel that you need to quit, we are behind you". And that's all I wanted them to say.

I always wonder why people who dropped out of their PhD's still haunt this site, looking for posts from people who might be going through a bad time.
For those who dropped out, you failed, you couldn't hack it! Now get on with your lives. You obviously regret leaving or you wouldn't still be visiting this site! :-S

sm888 maybe some people just want to support others going through the same thing that they did? You know, to be nice??? No you probably wouldn't know about that...

sm888, I think its a bit harsh to say that quitting is a failure. As a continuing student, I feel that its just putting an end to something you did not want to commit to. All opinions are valuable whether of quitting or continuing as they provide us with other's experience.

I think you're doing your PhD for all the wrong reasons. I hope I didn't offend you by suggesting your parents didn't have a higher education - but this often explains their lack of understanding of pressure involved. Since they have gone through HE, they must be aware of the acute pressures on students.

I also real you may be misjudging your parents - if they are good people they will care only about your welfare and your happiness. Have you actually explained you feelings to them?

I agree with the other posters - take time out.

Grrr you'll have to excuse my typos ...no editing facility on here!