Hello

Just wanted a bit of a rant really!

Anyone else out there struggling with their PhD?! I'm just feeling really run down, tired and shattered as a result of juggling all these aspects of my life! Trying to get my upgrade report in, worries about passing my upgrade (and feelings of I don't deserve this position!); dealing with very critical pushy supervisors; office politics of being the only student in my department (shunned aside/choices withheld-'coz im only a student); marking essays; dealing with weekly seminar teachings, trying to cope with a devatsting breakup and coming to terms with that (even though we're still as close as ever); organising my own pilot finally, conducting fieldwork which is not completely relevant to my PhD!

Arrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh! just making me wonder why I am putting myself through it! I do enjoy this PhD, it does have its perks but, boy, its tough! :)

Pineapple you have pretty much summed up the PhD experience. It doesn't get much easier as a postdoc. But then a PhD is so rewarding in the end - keep with it and as this forum is so excellent at doing - remember you are not alone!-)

you aren't alone. At least you still enjoy your PhD. Just think it will pass with time and keep your chin up and soldier on!

sorry to hear that you are having a hard time!

sometimes when in a similar situation, it helps me to become aware of how much i am actually doing (teaching, projects, private stuff like moving house, etc.) and realise that it is so much, it is really normal that i am exhausted and lack energy.

it also helps to know that these periods are part of the process. maybe after a few months you will realise that you actually formed some very important thoughts in this time, all the while thinking you were just being distracted.

oh and i sympathise with the essay marking. that's one of the worst things i ever had to do, it seriously transforms my brain into mush.

I agree with Shani. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling tired and having a lie in or a nap during the day. But when I think about everything I am doing - PhD stuff, about to start teaching, have just moved house too, going through a break-up too which is very stressful as have just bought a house with the person and we are both living here trying to remain friends while I am conducting a long-distance relationship with the man I really want to be with. My ex has recently had a car accident, his nan has just died and he has been diagnosed with depression so I feel I have responsibility for him as well as everything else. No wonder I am exhausted and when you feel like this the best thing to do is take time out for yourself and don't feel guilty about it. Even if it is just a few hours wandering round the shops or a night out with friends. It has to be done or you would go mad.

So hear you pineapple. Just to let you know that you are not alone in this. I recently split up with my boyfriend and I found doing everything else to do with the PhD really hard. I literally had to force myself to do stuff like going to the library, I think for a little while I hid myself in my books though I really struggled with going to work; had to stand in front of my students looking as miserable and spent (tried hard to be cheerful). Then after a little while it actually got worse (I suppose then I started dealing with it) lost loads of weight as I wasn't eating enough plus the stress.

For a while I had thought if I leave the relationship I would soon have more time for the research, but then boy was I so mistaken because I spent a lot of time trying to get over it. Am still recovering though I keep wondering if our deep talks (with ex) are helping or hindering my healing process. These days I set goals for myself; get out of bed when the clock goes off, go to the library and work. Allow yourself time to heal, don't be too hard on yourself, things will get better with time.