I am a PhD student and currently at 4 yrs 6 wks into candidature. Although it’s not always been the case, it’s been tough lately at write-up, with conceptualising everything adequately and getting a consistent picture from lit review to hypotheses to results and conclusions and with the nuances of my particular topic and research method/samples.

My supervisor is very helpful (although very busy and a mistake I think is that earlier on we didn’t spend enough time to really conceptualise everything concretely and think about the research questions and analysis more specifically), and has given me a lot of feedback and editing on my drafts. But I just feel inadequate, and think things like – why am I still, at this stage, drafting things that need so much editing from my supervisor?

At the moment I really struggle with:

· Constantly, every day, feeling stupid.
· Taking more than the allocated 3 years to complete the PhD. Because I have taken 4 years to complete (and still not there) this triggers me to think that I am too slow to understand and grasp concepts and apply them (have always thought this about myself), and slow to write up. Those that have been able to complete in the 3 or even 3.5 years and have won an awared for their thesis must clearly have been able to ‘get it right’ much earlier than what I did – so what am I doing wrong? (People constantly asking when am i finishing doesn't help either! :))
· I look to others’ intellectual ability and progress to see how they are doing to see if I really am right in thinking this - I KNOW everyone says not to compare yourself to others, but I do it to try to check for evidence for my opinion that I’m slow – I’m actually looking for evidence that I’m being too harsh on myself. My supervisor has pointed out chapters and things that I have done very well, but I feel that there is so much that I haven’t done well.
· I feel inadequate in almost every way: other people always seem to have more things of value to say, they have accomplished more or they have more issues to deal with (eg., health problems) and yet they still achieve more or had higher grades than me, people seem to be able to respond to things quickly and yet with more forethought than me. I get easily confused – for example, keeping all the knowledge in my head at once (literature review findings, statistics, my results, etc), I feel I haven’t managed the project well at all (see first para re not having concretely conceptualised at the very beginning) and the time it is taking me is evidence of that. I also am struggling a lot with stats (despite having studied it for 4yrs as part of undergrad – with the time pressure and because everything seems to take me so long, I don’t have time to go back and relearn everything that I need to).


How do I deal with this? Right now I really doubt my ability to conduct good research and I feel of so little value to my colleagues and peers professionally and personally.

Hi Sparkles,

I feel exactly the same! I'm 3 years 7 months in, intending to submit in September - not necesarily because I think that's when I'll be finished but because that's the deadline at my uni and I just want this process to end. I have versions of all the main chapters but I'm working on a proper first draft for July. I have friends who have finished even before the 3 years and have the attitude of "well, just get on with it" which doesn't help and that's what I think I'm doing already!

My advice is just keep going. It will end eventually and maybe then we'll feel like we're as good as everyone else...? (And if not at least we can earn some money for holidays!). I've always found that (as scary as they are) presenting my work at conferences has helped make me feel that I have something interesting to say as the audience is invariably nice and seem genuinely interested in my work. Another thing I try to remember is that my supervisor is honest and so I think she would tell me if me or my work wasn't good enough.

Re: comparing to other students, people are good at different things. You might find that while the process seems to come easily to some people, actually you have a far better writing style or structure or even people skills that your colleagues don't have. And although other people may seem confident and academically advanced, they might be feeling the same as you - or they may be thinking that you're the confident, clever one!

This crazy process that we've got ourselves involved with is entirely personal and therefore people do it and experience it differently. I'm just trying forget about how many journal articles or conference prizes or job offers other people have got, and I am instead concentrating on getting my words on the paper and making my thesis it as good as I can (before September) and then it's getting submitted regardless. I think that's all we can do.

A last word of hope - another friend submitted at the deadline of her 4th yr, felt the same as us during the process and was conviced she would fail. In reality she had a great viva, the examiners really liked it (told her she should publish) and she got minimal corrections. Their main comment was that she should be more confident in her own voice in the thesis!

So in the words of Dory from Finding Nemo: "just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."! All the best x

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Hi Sparkles...

I don't really know how to deal with this problem as I am also facing the same situation. I feel that I am the most stupid person that have ever existed in the world. I had a laboratory presentation/ seminar two days ago and still didn't know how to answer a lot of questions although I thought I had studied the paper thoroughly. I got confused everytime my supervisor or the lab assistant asked any question. Everything in my mind got mixed up and I didn't know which one is which. I wanted to cry one bucket of tears after the presentation, but my tears refused to come out. Sometimes I feel I won't get this PhD and I really don't know how am I going to do my work in future- if there is any future afterall... - sorry for the rant.

However, I think it is good that your supervisor has pointed out chapters and things that you have done very well. I never get this kind of recognition from my supervisor. Maybe you are putting a very high standard for yourself?

I also agree that it is important to just keep going and not to give up no matter what we think or what other people say. Most probably we'll feel more stupid if we give up. Sending papers to conference or journals is a good way in dealing with this problem. If the papers are rejected, the reviewers' comments may help us in correcting our way of thinking about the research problem/ method etc. We can learn a lot from our mistakes and become cleverer or more matured in our study. On the other hand, if the papers are accepted it shows that we are not as bad as we think we are. One more thing is, I think it is also better to get enough rest because the negative feeling amplifies when we are so tired. I usually feel that small things/problems seemed to be much heavier/ bigger when I am exhausted.

Wow, thanks Sparkles for this post. I am in the same situation, as others have said. I am 3 years 8 months. I feel so inadequate that I found I am having extreme mood swings and do not even feel as if I can be in a position to apply for future jobs. Ahh the last three weeks I find that I am an emotional mess and at night I feel so sad and can't sleep.

I have had tons of hoops and hurdles to get through as my first supervisor retired in July, then of course I got a new one. This one, however, did not support my research and somehow influenced me to change the whole focus (research question and objectives). Dumbest thing I've ever done! 10 months later (today) she said she still is not confident I understand the general concepts. But I do, and I get stumbled on words and ideas in meetings where I struggle to talk.

But everything else you said, I can relate to, and even so far along, I have questioned continuing this horrible process.