Ok, so here goes. I am a first year PhD student and for the past 3 weeks I have done very little work (although I don't think anyone else has caught onto that quite yet). This is mainly because I thought I was pregnant, I'm not, and although I should be relieved that I can carry on with my PhD without having to think about having a baby at the same time I am actually quite disappointed, which has left me wondering if the disappointment is more to do with me facing the fact that I am not that happy doing this PhD rather than wanting a baby.
I have spent 7 months of my first year putting together a literature review (compulsory in the faculty I am in) which has had to change several times subject to my supervisor just changing her mind constantly about what is in it and have been very severely criticised several times by her (although another two members of staff in the department told me early drafts were excellent). The literature review will undoubtedly change substantially as my research evolves (I am a deductive, qualitative researcher) so I don't feel I can comfort myself with the fact I have done something that will eventually contribute to my thesis either. I am now writing a continuation report about the research I have done, but feel I have done very very little, that I am just re-hashing what I have already done and hoping no-one notices, which is not why I wanted to do a PhD. All this has left me feeling totally hopeless, I don't feel I can talk to my supervisor at all. I realise I must sound like I am just moaning on and that all the other students in my faculty have had to do the same, so I should suck it up so to speak, but I just feel like I can't carry on - if anyone else has been in a similar position any advice as to what you did to help yourself feel better would be massively appreciated!

Hi there,

Firstly, I don't think your feelings are due to not wanting to do a PhD, when you think you are pregnant your thinking tends to change no matter how worried you are about having a baby unexpectedly, and then when its confirmed that you aren't pregnant I think it can be quite normal to feel gutted, its happened to me a few times and I've felt very upset, totally unexpectedly as the last thing I need right now is another baby :-)

As for the work you've done, that's the norm in your kind of PhD for the first year, I'm in History and in the first year I wrote a lit review which will be adjusted but is a start, and then a paper on my sources and what I'd been doing - I didn't do any real research until the summer of my first year/beginning of the second and I remember feeling pretty down where you are right now. Things do pick up, they really do, once this boring bit is out of the way then the 'real' stuff begins, but what you've done is essential as its the foundations of your next 2 years work. I wouldn't worry too much about criticism at this stage provided your sup isn't being stroppy for the sake of it - its all essential stuff and will help you one heck of a lot in the time to come. It sounds to me a perfectly normal first year of a qualitative style Phd.


First year blues are so normal and it sounds as though you've had a rollercoaster of a month, all confusing and frightening, combined with the tedium of getting the foundation right - keep going, you're about to start the good bit :-)

I'd also say it's normal. While you might feel right now that the literature review is not helpful, you'd be surprised in retrospect how much it helps to rule in and out various avenues for research (I could only see this myself a long way into my PhD). If it's any consolation two sentences of my first year work made it into my thesis and I still finished in just over three years. I think almost all of us start out the PhD process full of confidence in our projects and our abilities and the first year is often a bit of an unpleasant shock, as we often find our work being heavily criticised for the first time (most of us were always good students) and the feeling that you are submerged in a rather hopeless task that doesn't seem to be progressing. Or maybe that was just me...
It sounds like your supervisor is engaged in your project (I'd see it as a positive that she's thinking enough about your project to suggest new avenues and taking the time to give you feedback even if criticism is never pleasant), so I'd really suggest going to see her and saying you feel a bit lost. Maybe if the two of you could agree some very concrete tasks for the summer e.g. deciding on your methodology then that might help you feel that things are moving again. Two things that helped me 'get a grip' on my thesis were to have a (ever-changing) table of contents for the thesis and a timetable with targets for each bit of work.