Hi all,

Just came across this forum & just thought I would air my thoughts in the hope that I might find some encouragement from anyone who has been through similar/is going through similar.

I have just started my PhD at one of the top universities in the UK & I feel like I am drowning! I am surrounded by very intelligent people who are so motivated and enthusiastic and creative about what they do every day. I, on the other hand, am finding it so hard to get motivated at all and constantly feel like I should not be here.

I feel like I am falling further and further behind every day and that I maybe just wasn't cut out for a PhD. I feel like it was the wrong decision & feel like quitting, but I don't think I could bear the embarrassment of it.

I left my last job to come & do this PhD, and my old boss wasn't really happy about it as I hadn't finished the project I was working on (I did give three months notice & thought I really wanted this PhD but he still wasn't happy). My last job paid really well & I liked it - I just felt this PhD was too good an opportunity to turn down & that I needed to progress.

Now I just feel depressed about my situation & feel like crying all the time. I couldn't bear telling my supervisors that I have wasted their time, nor face getting another (lower paid) job, nor having to ask my old boss for a reference. I'm not someone to walk away from something, and I know it's not that I am not capable of doing this PhD, I just can't bring myself to. I lack motivation and drive.

I don't think I want to be in research any more, and I am absolutely certain - even if I did complete - that I wouldn't continue in it.

I don't know who to turn to to speak to about this as none of the other students are struggling like me.

Any advice would be so very gratefully received :)

p.s. sorry if this is a bit waffly - very tired today!

Thanks

hey Missylow,

ok first relax n tell me why do you feel depressed about your PhD? especially if its at such a good Uni?

is it because others are good and you feel you not doing as much as they are?
is it because you feel a bit guilty of ditchin your job which paid well?
is it because you have a slow start in your PhD? and feel you need more time to get used to it?

I think its all the above 3 reasons....well...let me tell you

sometimes we may feel like others are doing so much more than us maybe also cos they talk about their PhD and we pick up positive signals fromthem but in reality it could be that they are equally fairing as you or are evn far behind you...be careful of people who like to talk too much about their PhD's they maybe boastful and make you feel like you have done nothing! Another strategy is tart telling them how your PhD is coming along I bet they will start feeling liek your a genius

i think it must have been a hard choice for you to decide to quit your job but whatever reasons you did it for must have been valid reasons otherwise you're not foolish to have made that decision. So, give yourself time to reflect on why you made that decision and then see if you still regret it or smoothen out

PhD's can be a slow start for many and laziness is devils playground..so it leaves you in a limbo and thinking why did you choose to be in that position....I;d be surprised if PhD students know all about their research in just a month of getting accepted...It may take atleast 6 months for you to interact with your supervisor, staff and colleagues to get a sense of what you're gona do

reflect on the above and im sure you will get an answer to yourself!

AJ

those first few months of a PhD are incredibly hard for most of us but nobody quite admits to it. It's hard to be motivated when you are not 100% sure what you're doing. Once you start to get a handle on your work, your confidence and motivation should improve. The motivated and confident ones around you have probably been there for a while. Being new anywhere is yuck but stick with it, things should improve as you get a better sense of what it is you should be doing.

Thank you guys :)

I think the main thing affecting how I feel is that I feel because this is such a good uni, there are only the top people here & I feel like I shouldn't be here! I feel I don't know as much & I'm not as clever & certainly not even anywhere near as motivated as I need to be. I suddenly feel very, very out of my depth. I feel like my supervisors are thinking they made the wrong decision in taking me on & don't feel I gel with them.

I just lack all motivation & dread coming in. I get distracted so easily!

I suppose just time will help a bit.

It just helps to know I'm not the only one to feel this way :)

======= Date Modified 07 Jan 2011 16:39:44 =======
Don't worry, i've often felt the same. Like how everybody seems to be just so knowledgable and enthusiastic about everything, not just there own project. I struggle with my own stuff sometimes, never mind all the other topics that are going about. Still, 3 years is a long time and a lot can be learned in that time. Just try and keep the head up. The chances are every other person you see will have had doubts and feelings like yours at some point. I'm writing a little blog at www.indoctorate.co.uk where I try and make light of some of things that can get you down in a PhD. Feel free to have a read :-). Good luck with it!

Hi

Only you can answer what is right for you but don't base the decision on comparing yourself to others. If you got there it means you can do it - it isn't easy to get in to a great university. When I started I also felt really intimidated - I just didn't know or understand all the research vocab - as a PhD is a big step up - but over time you get there. Having said that I am still full of self doubt about completing (just starting to struggle with the writing up process!). A PhD is a tough journey.

I think you need to write a list about what the pros and cons are for doing it and what you aim to do in the future. A PhD is potentially useful in many other disciplines, e.g. consultancy, policy work, the discipline to which it relates etc. The key question is will you enjoy the 3 years. If not forget about the embarrassment factor and just assess your other job prospects - the world is tough out there at the moment so don't quit until you have something else. It may be worth doing the year and getting an MPhil? But as I said at the start think hard about the right choice for you and forget about the other students aroung you.

======= Date Modified 11 Jan 2011 00:04:49 =======
Hi Missylow
I am now on my third year and totally understand how you feel. I am in a so called "good uni" too and i d like to assure that you ll be fine. I definitely dont consider myself as clever as the people I work with but I am convinced I will be able to submit on time. It takes a while to getting used, just give it a few more months and things will be clearer (both your project and the field you work in).
You should not assume that the rest are not having a tough time because they dint tell you. I have had some really tough times in the past two years and cried occasionally but then somehow I would think my lab mates would think I am always fine.
I am sure you ll be fine
All the best

Thanks so much guys - it's so nice to know there is a forum where I can talk about this- because I really can't at work!

I think half the problem is that I have two part-time supervisors, one of which I am certain dislikes me! I feel that she really thinks I am quite rubbish & see her frustrations when she talks to me, to the point where I don't want to ask her anything at all for fear of looking stupid!

Is this something anyone has experienced as well? I'm not sure how I would even address it!

I guess if I felt more supported, I would be feeling & doing better.

Seriously though, just being able to talk about it with people who understand is so very helpful. I feel I'm on the verge of quitting!

xxx